Please Please can someone help :(

Oh, Chrissy, it looks like this disease is truly hurting you right now. Are you certain you are even purposefully cursing God (I can't even imagine that it is purposeful if you feel bad afterward)? Are you saying anything aloud at all? Or anything that really sounds like a curse? I am not asking this to make you feel childish or foolish, mind you; it's just that a symptom of this kind of ocd is an overly sensitive conscience, to where I would often take something as simple as a thought or even a sentence aloud and feared I was dishonoring or cursing God when in reality I was just wondering and feeling hurtful doubt.

chrissy34 said:

Thing is the OCD is making me not want to believe in God at times so then I curse him on purpose! then I feel guilty and I said that I'd rather Jesus die than me because he can come back to life, am I evil for this?

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I've been through that unbelief thing with God with my OCD before and yes it sucks but you have to remember that God loves you and hates to see you suffer like that.

If you are really concerned(like a member told me here)about it than your heart is still with God because only someone who means what they say and is not concerned has a black heart and does not love God.

That is not you. You love God or you wouldn't be concerned and starting this thread. And he loves you so so so very much.

If you are really concerned(like a member told me here)about it than your heart is still with God because only someone who means what they say and is not concerned has a black heart and does not love God.

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He's right. I know it may not FEEL like it, Chrissy, but everything is okay as far as your relationship with God. It is probably just your emotions getting away with you. There's no way He would abandon you to evil.

Hi Chrissy
Praying for you my sister. You are not doomed and never will be. The thoughts whether thought or spoken are a result of OCD you have not sinned. I say things out loud too it's the compulsions. You don't mean it the OCD will make you think you do but you don't. I am praying for you my sister.

You're not alone my dear. I'm battling OCD everyday but I know that I love Him otherwise I wouldn't be concerned.

As someone with OCD and struggled with it when it comes to religion, my advice is only what worked for me. Talk to a doctor or counselor. Medication made such a difference in my life.

Chrissy, I really am sorry how you are stuck in this loop. But please hold on and seek help, whatever it takes. If you're this broken up over it, it can't possibly be the "true" you. I do not believe God would have things work out in such a cruel way. Pray to Him, talk to Him, and don't let any bad thoughts or even sayings that might come up during to get in the way. Seriously, please find help for this. You are stuck in a living hell right now and I know that neither God nor the people who love you want you to remain this way.

I will remember to pray on your behalf at least until you show signs of getting better.

chrissy34 said:

I can't tell my own thoughts from my own anymore. I got a thought about me dying soon so I said that if god does that to me that I hoped he got the worst illness I know so bad to say then the other part of mebsays well god deserves it if he kills me and then I get even more scared thinking he is going to kill me. Starting to think I'm evil now. Because how can I say such things

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You're not evil hun. It's the OCD not you. God knows what's in your heart and he knows that you love Him and He loves you very very much.

As I said before you being concerned about this means you care about God because anyone that thought this and didn't care they wouldn't care about God but your concern means you do care.

As Josh said go to the doctor and get some counseling to help you deal with this OCD issue.

Also do you belong to a church? If so talk to your Pastor about this. Having a religious counseling might help you. If not find a church anyway or find a religious counselor and discuss this with him/her.

ocd.

All of these thoughts are OCD Chrissy you have not sinned and you are not evil. An evil person would not even be on this site.

chrissy34 said:

I have religious OCD and obsess about everything. Any number or illness can be a trigger. Any time I hear anything bad It's like I'd wish it on me or on the holy spirit and because I am so scared about them happening to me e.g bad illness or dying I'd say for it to happen to the holy spirit and that part is from my own will obviously but the main thought obviously was triggered from my OCD.
Day by day it just keeps getting worse. Today I got a thought about dying in 9 months, then I said if the holy spirit could die, i'd rather the holy spirit to die rather than me. I said that bit out of my own will and now I am so scared it is going to happen or that God will punish me and kill me and I got so angry at myself that I said that about the holy spirit I don't know what to do. Is this part of the OCD or is this just me having an evil soul

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If your legs no longer worked, you wouldn't hesitate to use crutches, wheel chair, whatever to get you mobile.

Same with the brain. If it hasn't got the normal balance of excitatory/inhibatory neural transmitters so you don't have the normal control you should have,

GET SOME MEDICINE! (Of course, under a Doctor's supervision and prescription. Don't self-medicate with alcohol or street drugs.)

Hi Chrissy, With OCD and in particular Pure O OCD, it will always seem like we are purposely choosing to think or say things. If we didn't have that concern, then obviously we could just push past or dismiss the content of our OCD obsession because we'd just know that we didn't really want to think/say the thing. That's how the disorder operates. The sufferer will always feel as if they are purposely choosing the thoughts. This is why it provokes so much anxiety. I know some individuals who have this kind of OCD who are always making some kind of Vow and it always seems to them that they are doing it on purpose. So what you are experiencing with these statements concerning the Holy Spirit is completely normal in regard to how OCD operates. For you, the fear that you are doing it on purpose along with the fear of the consequences is the very thing that will cause your brain to generate these kinds of seemingly chosen thoughts. It's all OCD and therefore, needs to be treated as such. You have to learn how to manage the presence of these thoughts, not by fighting against them, trying to undo them, or trying to gain some kind of reassurance that your going to be okay with God. Doing those things only lends validity and credence to the whole thing. All attending to these kinds of thoughts only makes them worse. You need to seek professional help which may include meds. for the inordinate anxiety that is in your brain and also behavioral therapy like Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy. Looking for answers, certainty, reassurance etc. will only keep you on the hamster wheel of OCD and that's a miserable place to be. Prayed for you just now. Mitzi

chrissy34 said:

I do love God and want to become more religious as I never was very religious but this has made me want to believe in God more but I am so scared he hates me. I was brought up to believe in God. I just have constant fear in me. Today my OCD has been the worst ever. I got a thought about dying on a day soon when I have a special occasion, my mind then thought hope God gets the worst illness if this happens. (Can't even type the illness I said) I then thought about it and thought, if God does do that to me then he deserves to get the worst illness as punishment for doing that to me. This part came from my own will but obviously it has been inflicted from the OCD thought which I originally had. But obviously now I am starting to think I am really evil for saying this as how can you wish illnesses on God but just like if you knew a random person was going to kill you, you would hate them and would want the worst to happen to them,well that is how I am feeling now and because of this I believe God will kill me. I don't know if this is part of the OCD or if I am naturally evil.

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You got some wonderful advice here Chrissy so please follow on some of the advice here so you can get better.

chrissy34 said:

Thing is, today I got thought about god dying in two years. I then thought from my own thought that if this was possible and everything was still going to be normal and no one would be affected and when we died we would still be going to the same place then It isn't something too bad even if it happened now. But how can I want God to die I mean is this part of the OCD or just me

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It's the OCD hun not you trust me I suffer through religious OCD too so I know what you're going through as well as others on here.