Confused about dating and relationships (asking for a guys perspective please)

Unix · Aug 3, 2014

My situations have been different from Yours, but I have been with two non-Christians, I even married the first one. When it comes to the second one, after we had been together for three years I became a serious Christian, and the more serious I became, she has shown the less respect towards religion in general an my belief in a deity and my beliefs and particularly approach, which she has shown by loosing interest in me, not loving me anymore and not finding anything interesting about almost anything I tell her about my (academic) approach. Regarding the first one, it didn't help the relationship that I originally had Christian beliefs:

sk8brdkd said:
My friend is not a Christian which is another reason i said no to the dating thing right now.

sk8brdkd · Aug 3, 2014

Unix said:
My situations have been different from Yours, but I have been with two non-Christians, I even married the first one. When it comes to the second one, after we had been together for three years I became a serious Christian, and the more serious I became, she has shown the less respect towards religion in general an my belief in a deity and my beliefs and particularly approach, which she has shown by loosing interest in me, not loving me anymore and not finding anything interesting about almost anything I tell her about my (academic) approach. Regarding the first one, it didn't help the relationship that I originally had Christian beliefs:

u gave me something good to think about unix.

Although I do feel it's important to talk to my friend about this, am now currently thinking now may not be the time to do so because of what you said. I'm praying for the holy spirit to touch his life and I believe it'll happen just not sure when. In the meantime, I need to deal w/ my feelings.

My mind is still full of thoughts. I do feel now is not the time, but at the same time, i feel like w/ what others have said that i can't leave him hanging and wondering and if he does feel that way, idk...... not sure what he's feeling or thinking.

Albion · Aug 3, 2014

sk8brdkd said:
So, you think sharing all this w/ him, he'll finally be able to put his mind at ease or to rest when he knows where he stands w/ me?

Not exactly. I see no reason to go back into the early days of your friendship, and it's not a good idea to go into unnecessary details. What you told us seemed to me to be about him wanting to know where you are at the present and what might be possible in the future. You also wonder about the future. Therefore, address that and let the history of your relationship go unanalyzed. He didn't ask about that, I take it, so don't take it up.

I will always consider him a friend. We're very close. We've worked thru some difficult times together and we've come thru it and seen the light at the end of the tunnel several times and i keep praying for a closer relationship and a closer bond w/ him. I never want to lose it.

From everything you've written, I consider the possibility of this happening to be very small. But I also think you cannot avoid giving him an answer about dating, etc. Decide what your own feelings are and then tell him what you think. That's my view of it, at least. Of course, all of us here are just offering our best advice from our own backgrounds and experiences; we can't know for certain what's going on in his mind or how he'll respond

iambren · Aug 3, 2014

You are making this way to hard. Just find a nice setting,take him to it, and kiss him(don't have sex with him). This will clear everything up--you aren't just pals hanging out talking,you're not lustful fornicators. You are best friends with romantic feelings ala you are dating!

sk8brdkd · Aug 3, 2014

iambren said:
You are making this way to hard. Just find a nice setting,take him to it, and kiss him(don't have sex with him). This will clear everything up--you aren't just pals hanging out talking,you're not lustful fornicators. You are best friends with romantic feelings ala you are dating!

it's not that easy

Spunkn · Aug 3, 2014

I would highly suggest not dating a non-Christian. Dating someone with a completely different worldview / core belief is completely different than just being friends.

However, you can tell him how you feel, but just that you don't feel comfortable dating him if he's not a Christian. He'll either accept that, and remain friends or he'll start to drift away from you. Either way, a decision is building, and delaying it will only make things worse later, both for you and him. Some things you just can't avoid.

iambren · Aug 3, 2014

Then unlocking your "it's not that easy" is the key to your fear. In my experience women are pretty good at indicating that they are approachable,available,kissable. I use the act of kissing as poignant because I always found myself more relaxed after the first kiss which helped me open up more in verbal intimacy ways.

I still don't grasp your reticence--is it fear of rejection,fear of loosing a friendship.a mistrust of yourself going forward,lack of being convinced you want to go there. I do wonder (given that men usuallly initiate) why HE hasn't tried to move on you. Sometimes when in doubt it's nice to broach the subject in off-the-cuff talk. Like "I've always liked are friendship;have you ever looked at it in a non-platonic way".

Good luck!

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Confused about dating and relationships (asking for a guys perspective please)

Unix

Hebr incl Sirach&epigraph, Hermeneut,Ptolemy,Samar

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sk8brdkd

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Albion

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iambren

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sk8brdkd

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Spunkn

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iambren

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