ALL READ: Please Vote in this Poll

mkgal1 said:

You aren't alone. I think that's what sparked so much of the hostility in those discussions--- those types of implications--not the disagreement of topic on its own. There's disagreement.....and then there's that need to conquer the other person.

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This is what I have seen. This is where I saw this statement the other day on a sub-forum of a man telling a woman to be "silent." :O

Why not just allow the discussions to be had, and if the conversation turns ugly or nasty, bring in a mod, which is what we're supposed to do anyway?

Maybe it's just me, but all of this "you can say this, but not that, and that, but not this" stuff, really burns my biscuits.

See?

Originally Posted by mkgal1
You aren't alone. I think that's what sparked so much of the hostility in those discussions--- those types of implications--not the disagreement of topic on its own. There's disagreement.....and then there's that need to conquer the other person.

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and then there's that need to conquer the other person.

MK, I see that on a lot of threads that have nothing to do with submission.
The Mods are very quick to step in when the rules are being broken so do you think that they could not keep a thread with submission in order?


There is really no way for a poster to keep the submission threads into a thread that breaks the rules. I have seen the Mods take quick action including warnings and banning. There is no way for a poster that brakes the rules to control the thread.


One real good way for those that are so offended by someone giving their opinion about submission to not be offended is that they can opt out or not read the thread. There is also the “Ignore” feature.


Just because a topic is a hot topic should we censor it? If the Bible does not censor the topic should a Christian forum censor it?

By Inkachu
Why not just allow the discussions to be had, and if the conversation turns ugly or nasty, bring in a mod, which is what we're supposed to do anyway?

Maybe it's just me, but all of this "you can say this, but not that, and that, but not this" stuff, really burns my biscuits.

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I am with Inkachu. In addition to burning my biscuits it also burns my BUNS!!!

And nobody likes burnt baked goods.

Why not just allow the discussions to be had, and if the conversation turns ugly or nasty, bring in a mod, which is what we're supposed to do anyway?

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Exactly. Its weird to have a marriage forum where you can't talk about marriage aspects. Granted 95% of the time the topics will be closed. But at least people can answer others.

......

If you can't deal with what a person believe and the conversation at hand don't enter it. It's not going to add anything to the conversation it's just going to add to the aggression.

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So to prevent attacks, people should not give their opinion? That just allows the bullies to win.

It has been a few years now since the period where every time to topic came up it was immediately toxic. Didn't matter how innocent or open the initial comment was, strawmen, personal attacks, misrepresentations were immediate and predictable. Two things have happened. Many of those who were here at that time are gone. Time has passed as well and among those who remain perhaps a sense of better understand of each other based on history discussing other topics will prevent that toxicity from returning. Yeah, let's give it a shot.

ValleyGal said:

This is why I think extra moderation should be considered for those topics. People are very subtle about how they say it, so they don't actually break any rules, but they sure do walk the fence, and it's this constant button-pushing that causes others a lot of angst. Imo, it is a tactic used very often here, and it can make the whole board "unsafe" for certain posters - as I was alluding to in my earlier post on this thread.

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Then when you go off they are the victim and you get the warning or the ban but it took 3 weeks of baiting to even get you to that level. The ignore system doesn't work because they can still respond to your posts. It would be beautiful if you could ignore someone and they can't see your posts at all. That would add to ones ability to actually enjoy the CF. This is why I took a step back from the CF it's not a safe place to talk about marriage or even get advice.

What most of the mods don't realize is the add to hostility. Once you've been baited for weeks, insulted and passive aggressively attacked for weeks then you finally respond only to get a warning because your not good at the game it just adds to hostility.

There are some posters that won't even post here anymore because of this it takes the enjoyment of being a poster away. There's no conversations it's just hostility. Then you wait and pray certain posters respond so you can have that real conversation that you enjoy. I've said it several times I have a BA in poli sci and all my classes in my major were debate classes. I love a good conversation where two people disagree that's what I'm used to. That's what I was trained for on paper I can say I know how to debate what I don't know about is the total disrespect. We can debate and have a good time doing so or we can be disrespectful and eventually I'm going to get nasty.

I think that a conversation based on theological views should be just that based on theological views only. All personal choices and things we have personally decided should be voided out in this conversation. It should be based on theological, sociological and other sciences. One's opinion on this topic doesn't reflect their view of you personal nor is any poster invested that much in another poster to actually care that deeply to insult the other.

It's clear my post went totally over heads that is why no matter what I am against this, I will not take place in it nor will I take part in this conversation anymore.....I can see the CF is the same and I guess this is my sign to depart again......until I try again guys enjoy be blessed.

The correct answer to the poll question is "no". Those who do not learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.

I think the correct answer is to allow Bible topics to be discussed so I voted in favor of allowing submission as a topic. I also think part of the correct answer is to learn from the past and to become bigger than the problem next time.

It's going to boil down to the forum leadership, who are the last line of defense against inappropriate behavior. I know that being on staff is voluntary, probably thankless, and spread thin. So another part of the correct answer is not to allow the topic if you can't commit to adequately manage it.

The forum could really use more moderation, even as it is. Had I met the criteria, I would have already applied.

To me personally, the bottom line is that I don't think we're ready to do it right, but I wish we were.

Inkachu said:

Why not just allow the discussions to be had, and if the conversation turns ugly or nasty, bring in a mod, which is what we're supposed to do anyway?

Maybe it's just me, but all of this "you can say this, but not that, and that, but not this" stuff, really burns my biscuits.

See?

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I agree with Inkachu.

LovebirdsFlying said:

So many people were arguing about the should or should not, with the pro-submissives keeping on about why I should submit to my husband, and the pro-egalitarians telling the pro-submissives what they were full of, and then the pro-submissives coming back and telling the pro-egalitarians they weren't interpreting the Bible correctly, that nobody even noticed I wasn't asking, should I? I was asking, HOW should I?

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P.S.-And I would add: To what extent should I (she ) ?

P.S.S.--I'm for more freedom and less rules.

By LilLamb
Everyone, I have deleted a couple of postings that addressed other members and made things personal. Please, vote and then state why you voted. This isn't a debate discussion.

I'm still reading through the comments and trying to see the viewpoints. Other staff will still be able to see all comments, even the deleted ones.

So please, vote and say why but don't start a debate here or begin flaming in this thread.

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A few posts violated the rules, mod (LilLamb) did a good job and took care of that and this thread is back like it should be. Thank you lilLamb

See that was not hard. That is another reason why the submission issue should be allowed. Thread gets out of hand, Mod steps in, back to normal!

Well I have a lot of questions about the topic, but of course I have no interest in answers that just degenerate into vitriol either. So I voted to let someone else decide.