College and marriage

Spend time together doing work, a project, or something where it's not just hanging out.

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This is advice I would have liked before getting married. People can talk a lot, but you don't watch how they carry out their ideas or work with a team until you've seen them do it a few times.

Do premarital counseling.

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If you think this might interest you, there are some pastors who will offer it without people being engaged (you might need to pay.)

James 1


5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

So no marriage becuase they are "too young" but no sex from 18-22 sounds like a recipie for disaster to me.

GuusVA said:

Please elaborate

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Unless your a eunch being celibate from 18 to 22 is going to be a nightmare.

We just dont do counseling since pastors that do this nearly arent here.

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I wonder if there is an online service that does this.

recipie for disaster

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I think that what people are saying -- we all think we are invincible and can handle everything, but most of us find that our convictions don't always hold up in real life.

A married couple can say they're not going to have children until they're done with school, but lo-and-behold, life finds a way. A dating couple can exercise restraint and then oops-it-was-only-once, and then guilt shakes their resolve.

Give yourself a little cushion of protection for mistakes, life difficulties, differences in opinions, and whatever life will throw at you.

GuusVA said:

Well yeah I know but it is possible, may I remind that with God everything is possible.

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I agree.

GOD did that for my wife and I and I was past 25 when I got married.
You can get so much of GOD you can go easily without food, or your favourite thing because HE is LIFE! Real LIFE!

HIS LOVE is better than LIFE even! Psalm 63:3

If you love someone you will want to do and have the best together and for each other. Not to needlessly wait (because of excuses like; we don't have enough money, or my pastor or parent says this, or I have to sort this out first) sometimes those things add useless burdens to love.

BUT

By HIS POWER you can wait...you can be a virgin on your wedding day, you can because others have too.

Don't rush love, love has its own timetable and power.

-eric

Inkachu said:

Umm, no. You're 18 years old, only been dating 7 months, and are about to enter a huge, new phase of life with a whole new set of experiences that neither of you can predict. You will not be the same people when you graduate from college. You've both still got a huge chunk of growing up to do. If this girl is the one for you, she'll still be the one after college.

Wait.

And definitely do NOT live together, not even as "roommates". NO, no, and no.

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I agree totally with this advice...... You are just kids now...you won't believe this until you are done college and look back and say "wow" I was just a kid.

Billy Bayou said:

I agree totally with this advice...... You are just kids now...you won't believe this until you are done college and look back and say "wow" I was just a kid.

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He may look back and say he was just a kid and glad he did not get married but deep down no one looks back and says I am so glad I never got laid in the prime of my life. Obviously that is a conflict with christianity but that is a conflict born in the fact that people live to 80 years old now instead of 35 with a culture much different than that of 1000's of years ago even when people lived to be much older.

I think even if a young marriage fails its better to have had that time spent with someone than just a bunch of pent up miserableness. And for what, people in bible times did not have to deal with that.

I have responsible, intelligent relatives who married as teens, and made it through. They knew that the person was right, and saw no reason to wait. Looking back, I don't think I could have confirmed that with certainty, but they stayed married the rest of their lives.

I would say premarital counseling or don't even think about getting married. Especially at such a young age. Even if the only option is her father, and it's awkward. Still do it. Plus that would show him that you are serious and willing to do whatever is necessary.

russianorth said:

He may look back and say he was just a kid and glad he did not get married but deep down no one looks back and says I am so glad I never got laid in the prime of my life. Obviously that is a conflict with christianity but that is a conflict born in the fact that people live to 80 years old now instead of 35 with a culture much different than that of 1000's of years ago even when people lived to be much older.

I think even if a young marriage fails its better to have had that time spent with someone than just a bunch of pent up miserableness. And for what, people in bible times did not have to deal with that.

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A couple of things.

First, I meant that we may be with someone much better suited for us and look back realize what a huge mistake that it would have been to marry the person we thought was so "right".

Second. "Getting laid in the prime of your life" This shows that you are probably not at an age yourself to understand what I mean, as sex is 99% in your head and gets better with age and is much much more enjoyable with someone who knows you intimately than satisfying the lust of just "getting laid".

Third, If you ever meet someone that got laid in the prime of their life, only to end up with Herpes, you would understand the looking back and having regrets in a different way.

Billy Bayou said:

A couple of things.

First, I meant that we may be with someone much better suited for us and look back realize what a huge mistake that it would have been to marry the person we thought was so "right".

Second. "Getting laid in the prime of your life" This shows that you are probably not at an age yourself to understand what I mean, as sex is 99% in your head and gets better with age and is much much more enjoyable with someone who knows you intimately than satisfying the lust of just "getting laid".

Third, If you ever meet someone that got laid in the prime of their life, only to end up with Herpes, you would understand the looking back and having regrets in a different way.

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Im saying take a leap of faith and get married. Why does the STD and pregnancys always have to be used as a fear factor. These are not kids and there is not bennift to waiting until graduation (except maybe a lower GPA becuase of sexual frustration). Most people dont have all kinds of people lined up to date so why not get married and just work to make a life together. Oh and if you want to go to grad school your gpa MATTERS and to a lesser extent it can make getting your first real job harder too. I have noticed that the christian do gooders dont like to talk about what really matters or reality.

I ended up doing the college thing and gave up some opprotunities when I was in high school that I look back on with regret frequently now. The only saving grace was that I majored in a stem field so I have a REALLY good job and make good money, but the romantic opprotunities actually get less not more as time goes on. If I had majored in anything that had a less than 6 figure income potential I would be in much deeper regret right now. Things dont nessicarily get better or change just because you graduate college.

This is real life not the fufu land that "christians" try to paint. If you really love her and she is a woman of charachter with her head on straight and is not going to refuse you or try to be the man then dont let her go. With a huge percentage of women in this nation (USA) wanting to be men its dog eat dog out there. Western europe is not far behind in feminism.

With a huge percentage of women in this nation (USA) wanting to be men its dog eat dog out there.

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A huge percentage of women need to work because the cost of living necessitates it.
Not everyone is making six figures. Women are not trying to be men. We are trying to survive, just like anyone else. And we have to deal with being paid 81.2 percent of what a man gets, for the same work, same degrees, same experience.

Back to the OP, this is a smidgen of what your future wife might face, especially with a seminary degree.
I knew a woman with an MDiv who attended a non-denominational church, and the head pastor would not let her do any teaching or take on any volunteer leadership, and did not give her a reason.

Meanwhile he ordained and hired two male assistant pastors without seminary, master degrees, theology coursework, or any other formal training. Just because. When those two left, they were replaced by another male without any training. I never once saw that woman allowed to give a sermon or teach a class. Plenty of male elders gave sermons -- again, without any theology coursework.

It's a tough world out there for some people.