Divorcing to get medical care

BFine

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I've seen this going on when I was in North Carolina, now it's occurring
here where we live in Canada-- how can "the church"
respond to impoverished Christians who are disabled and are resorting
to divorce so they can get the medical and financial help they need
when "the church" can't pay for costly medicines/treatments etc for
it's aging or disabled members?

As part of "the church" (body of believers) we contribute financially,
materially, physically and prayerfully...as many of you know my husband
is 80% disabled and we live on one income. I/we know it's hard to make
ends meet but we've not been pushed to the breaking point as some others.

How can we advise a couple who are at that point?
 
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grasping the after wind

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I've seen this going on when I was in North Carolina, now it's occurring
here where we live in Canada-- how can "the church"
respond to improvised Christians who are disabled and are resorting
to divorce so they can get the medical and financial help they need
when "the church" can't pay for costly medicines/treatments etc for
it's aging or disabled members?

As part of "the church" (body of believers) we contribute financially,
materially, physically and prayerfully...as many of you know my husband
is 80% disabled and we live on one income. I/we know it's hard to make
ends meet but we've not been pushed to the breaking point as some others.

How can we advise a couple who are at that point?


This is an abominable situation you describe. I won't pretend to be capable of telling you how to advise someone but I will say that IMO the vows of marriage do not have escape clauses. "In sickness and in health for richer or poorer unless we need government assistance.". Was that the vow someone took?I never heard one like it and it certainly wasn't the vow I took. Nonetheless I'm certainly not going to point a finger of condemnation at someone for doing what they think they have to in order to survive and if one considers the civil portion of their marriage to be completely divorced( pun intended) from the religious, spiritual and emotional marriage perhaps they would be correct.
 
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DiscipleHeLovesToo

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I've seen this going on when I was in North Carolina, now it's occurring
here where we live in Canada-- how can "the church"
respond to improvised Christians who are disabled and are resorting
to divorce so they can get the medical and financial help they need
when "the church" can't pay for costly medicines/treatments etc for
it's aging or disabled members?

As part of "the church" (body of believers) we contribute financially,
materially, physically and prayerfully...as many of you know my husband
is 80% disabled and we live on one income. I/we know it's hard to make
ends meet but we've not been pushed to the breaking point as some others.

How can we advise a couple who are at that point?

the church today should respond as the church in Acts did - building up their faith for receiving from God in both healing and provision, providing help with necessities as God leads, and not condemning them for honoring God by being a faithful married Christian couple no matter what their legal tax status is - there's nothing in the Bible about marriage licenses; but rather faithfulness.

someone who needs salvation needs to hear God's word about salvation preached in faith; someone who needs healing or healing miracles needs to hear God's word about healing and healing miracles preached in faith; someone who needs prosperity needs to hear God's word about prosperity preached in faith. and the rest of us need to cheerfully help those in need as God leads us to in our hearts, and not grudgingly or of necessity.

Kenneth Copeland, Keith Moore, and Andrew Womack all have great faith based teachings for free download, testimonies to encourage, and prayer lines for agreement and encouragement when things get really hard.
 
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Armistead14

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This is much of the welfare structure in the US and other nations, you get more help if you're single, have lil to no income and number of children. You'll qualify for tons of services.

However, if a person is disabled and married there is still enough help, just not the same. If you worked, your Doctor can disable you and you can qualify for SS and medicare/caid. However, this can take years.....so what's the option.

You still can qualify for medicare/caid without SS, but it too is a process.

I don't blame someone, to me Christ often served love over legalisms.
 
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1watchman

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This is a sad situation, which we have seen in one's near to us. The couple divorced to obtain financial help for extended care for one with MS. The downhill decline required more help than could be afforded. They were required to sell a small rental house (which was most of their income, with a little SSA), and the female spouse to get a job (but she was the care-giver). They transferred all to the wife and divorced, though she continued to be close and help all she could. In the eyes of the Lord they were still faithful to each other, but the legal dissolution of marriage allowed the State to offer some assistance in medical care. Something is wrong with this picture, and I don't think God holds anything against this couple.
 
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Barricade24

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I've seen this going on when I was in North Carolina, now it's occurring
here where we live in Canada-- how can "the church"
respond to improvised Christians who are disabled and are resorting
to divorce so they can get the medical and financial help they need
when "the church" can't pay for costly medicines/treatments etc for
it's aging or disabled members?

As part of "the church" (body of believers) we contribute financially,
materially, physically and prayerfully...as many of you know my husband
is 80% disabled and we live on one income. I/we know it's hard to make
ends meet but we've not been pushed to the breaking point as some others.

How can we advise a couple who are at that point?

I think it is helpful for people who are facing hardships to know that they are not alone. I don't know if the Church can put funds together and help the members who are in need, that would seem like a helpful thing to do. Maybe they could do some sort of collection to help those who are in such dear need of help.
 
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BFine

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@Barricade24:

Most churches are able to do a one time financial help-- a person
who has on-going medical issues and requires expensive meds.,
and nearly round the clock care etc -- most churches can't meet
such needs especially when there are other members who are
in similar situations...at my church there are also single parent families--
where either the husband or wife has abandoned the marriage...the church
we attend is doing it's best to meet the needs of all these who are facing
such hardships.

We pray a lot for those who are in such trials... my husband and I are on
the Pastoral Care team.
 
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BFine

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UPDATE!

We had a private meeting with our Pastoral Care team
minister and told him about the couple who are discussing
getting a divorce... he knows them personally and knows
how long they have been struggling to keep things going
and the financial burdens-- not to mention the physical
burden that has been placed on the other spouse for twenty
years and how the physical needs of the spouse with MS has
increased as the years have gone by.
The minister is going to make arrangements to meet with them
ASAP.
 
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saved24

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I have heard of that too. I have heard of people getting a divorce but they still live under the same roof. It is sad that the gov't does not have a health care system that can help people get the care they need. (well at times, for some people are getting the help they need)
 
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Goodbook

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Thats terrible.

One of my friends at church has an autistic son, and the govt will pay for an outside caregiver, but they won't pay her the extra costs involved if she looks after her son herself, or her family. The govt has a safety net for those who have nobody while ignoring families that struggle. Having outside caregivers isn't always ideal.

Theres going to be heaps of aging baby boomers in the next few decades, and I've heard my country is already planning on opening the door to immigrants and paying females especially from countries like the Phillipines, minimum wages to be caregivers to the elderly, since the native population can't or won't do it, because it wants everyone to be in the workforce.

I don't know, I think something is wrong with this picture. Nobody really likes to be sick and have someone paid to look after you from outside the family. But you dont get any financial assistance if you take it on yourself. I guess thats why people are getting divorces, because the govt assumes families will take that burden for nothing.

Well.. Why cant the govt make a policy where mothers get allowances, for looking after young children especially married mothers. Why cant the govt reward fathers and family caregivers, especially grandmothers.

Maybe if you publicise in the media or write a letter to your local PM, they might take up your concerns and change the policies. My friend got her story in the local paper, and it raised awareness in the community.

Our taxes are meant to be spent on looking after those who aren't able to look after themselves. I don't know what else the govt is spending it on, but surely they can see that people need this. This is how the church works with its tithing money, if the pastor is spending it on only his own family or church events, thats a misuse.
If the govt is spending the majority of taxes on fancy politician junkets and sports events, people in need are missing out.
 
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LoricaLady

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Well, I can't speak authoritatively or anything, but these things I know...

The whole go get a license and say "I do" etc. thing is not based on the Bible. These are customs that sort of got started, per my understanding, in the Middle Ages to help make marriage more clear and get a little cash in the public coffers along the way.

I do think such marriages are valid, personally, definitely, as one has made a public commitment. However, and again I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but here is a thought. If two people got divorced legally, I think they should have a small, private,
non governmental "wedding" and declare their allegiance to one another with their own vows before the Almighty.

A marriage that is not done according to governmental regulations is not recognized by those who run the red tape. But, that doesn't mean - mho - it isn't recognized by Abba who is into "covenants". Just a thought.

I pray they get wisdom in this area from Messiah.
 
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It's nice that you are concerned and trying to help and provide a listening ear, and leading them toward more resources.

It is important that church representatives and friends do not impose additional burdens of religious standards when people are trying to survive. Sometimes we say things out of the "right" categories in our brains, when what we really need to speak out is mercy and referrals.

In your case, you speak out of experience; but sometimes friends don't bother to find out the real situation before judging it. Abuse, poverty, inability to function independently... people can respond heartlessly when they are saying the "right" thing. In your example, the people are not considering something illegal like prostitution of drug dealing to solve their problems. So it is the individuals' private choice, not something the church community needs to respond to.

When a church is not set up to fund personal needs of members, then it is important that they have lists on hand -- maybe even in the narthex -- where people can go for help. There are many resources in the community that have grants and donations to serve specific needs, which people do not know exist.

It should be the job of a person who counsels members, to know some of these community resources. It is pride when a church wants members to be completely dependent on them and not go elsewhere for help. And a church should not dictate how people carry on their personal lives, when it comes to survival.

Part of the role of priests was to dispense grain to any needy who came to the storehouse. If there is no storehouse, then people who serve in the role of the priest should at least keep that humility and concern to make sure the needy find help.
 
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