Hi,
It's so weird. I have read the bible since I was a boy. Yet, it is only now that many of the verses you wonderful Christians are mentioning are making something go right/light bulb/click in my mind and heart. Making "sense"? maybe?
I was blind to it so to speak. Overlooked, didn't notice....I don't know.
I have been meditating/talking to God in my heart/mind and soul though out the day, night and when I lay down and when I wake up. God and Jesus are on my awareness.
Ever since I started this post. I've not done so much "praying" in ever!
While I know I am a sinner, and in need of healing, I have generally avoided situations that would get me deeper into sin. There are some things that are potential sins that I have avoided cuz they are way over my head to understand or cope with.
Yet, yesterday evening, those very complicated sin potential situations have presented themselves in my face. Big temptations. I was surprised. I go out of my way to avoid situations that would get me into sinning in ways a part of me is not comfortable with at all. And it isn't about some pleasure sin, it's a temptation because of my solitary lifestyle. A relationship kind of temptation.
what bothered me the most was I had this momentary thought that maybe I should stop thinking about getting saved because it would be an obstacle to this new temptation that surprised me out of the blue.
I am going to need accountability for this temptation. But I am ashamed to talk about it.
cuz I am feeling like what if I accept Jesus and then I fall. I don't want that to happen. I can't avoid seeing this temptation cuz it came to me in my place of employment.
Maybe its something like feeling this huge gap/void/emptiness that I just know that God, and only God, can take care of. But this temptation is like an offer to fill it too. I don't know, I am mixed up over it. I want to choose God. I don't want to be a failure. Can I trust God to help? I know I shouldn't ask that, but it's a trust thing again.
What exactly is Grace? I don't understand it. I have read about it. I know the definition. But what is it? Is it something one can feel inside? Is it like a an unasked for/not hoped for hug?
self worth vs self esteem? what a lot of thoughts that's got me going on. a very "aha" moment. very meaningful ...
Thanks for sharing God.
How does one chat here?
It's so weird. I have read the bible since I was a boy. Yet, it is only now that many of the verses you wonderful Christians are mentioning are making something go right/light bulb/click in my mind and heart. Making "sense"? maybe?
I was blind to it so to speak. Overlooked, didn't notice....I don't know.
I have been meditating/talking to God in my heart/mind and soul though out the day, night and when I lay down and when I wake up. God and Jesus are on my awareness.
Ever since I started this post. I've not done so much "praying" in ever!
While I know I am a sinner, and in need of healing, I have generally avoided situations that would get me deeper into sin. There are some things that are potential sins that I have avoided cuz they are way over my head to understand or cope with.
Yet, yesterday evening, those very complicated sin potential situations have presented themselves in my face. Big temptations. I was surprised. I go out of my way to avoid situations that would get me into sinning in ways a part of me is not comfortable with at all. And it isn't about some pleasure sin, it's a temptation because of my solitary lifestyle. A relationship kind of temptation.
what bothered me the most was I had this momentary thought that maybe I should stop thinking about getting saved because it would be an obstacle to this new temptation that surprised me out of the blue.
I am going to need accountability for this temptation. But I am ashamed to talk about it.
cuz I am feeling like what if I accept Jesus and then I fall. I don't want that to happen. I can't avoid seeing this temptation cuz it came to me in my place of employment.
Maybe its something like feeling this huge gap/void/emptiness that I just know that God, and only God, can take care of. But this temptation is like an offer to fill it too. I don't know, I am mixed up over it. I want to choose God. I don't want to be a failure. Can I trust God to help? I know I shouldn't ask that, but it's a trust thing again.
What exactly is Grace? I don't understand it. I have read about it. I know the definition. But what is it? Is it something one can feel inside? Is it like a an unasked for/not hoped for hug?
self worth vs self esteem? what a lot of thoughts that's got me going on. a very "aha" moment. very meaningful ...
Thanks for sharing God.
How does one chat here?
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