Marriage disaster and unequally yoked

Mar 25, 2014
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First off, I want to thank you for taking your time to read this.

I was married for 13 years to my first husband, we had 3 children together who is now teenagers, we went through a nasty divorce due to adultery on his part. I spent two years alone, I was married young and decided that my life should be a party when my children was gone with their dad on the weekends that was scheduled for him. The party scene eventually got boring to me, I wanted something out of life and to make my life with someone who could love me for me and accept my children.

I met my now husband online. When we first met he was still married, going through a divorce and had a wife who had cheated on him as well. When I had spoken to him about the way that we had met I had said to him that Maybe God brought us together, to which he agreed with me. After moving in with me, I noticed things about him, he then fessed up that he didn't believe in God at all. At this time, I was pregnant with my 4th child, his child, only after knowing each other for a month, I jumped into this relationship so desperate for someone who would love me and my kids. Our relationship was and has been tumultuous to say the least.

During the birth of our child, I had to have an emergency C-section and literally felt as if I was dying, being a nurse, I recognized the Blood pressure being low, the medications given to me to help raise it, and then our son had to go the NICU directly after being born, I only got to see him once before he went. All of this caused great Anxiety that continued to build within me, It caused me to have extreme postpartum issues. He didn't understand, I turned to God, I cried out on my knees daily, I was just barely surviving and really unsure of how I was going to make it. I didn't want to live. It was too hard. I spoke with my mom and we talked a lot about God and the trials that we go through in life, the storms that we face, the courage to trust and overcome. I couldn't talk to him about any of this because to him, all this was crap. He didn't and couldn't believe in something that seemed so far fetched. For me, this is heartbreaking. How could he not love something so perfect as Jesus Christ, for a few years, there has been mocking of God in my home and many arguments to say the least, I know that is not how God would want me to behave, I know I should display a Christianly image. The problem is my Anger towards him, the things that are said on an emotional level that has been abuse in our marriage, not only with God, but with the rearing of my older children.

I am at a cross roads today, I no longer want to be intimate with someone who mocks the man that I love the most, the man who went to the cross for me. I want to run from my husband, flee and want to be free of him, our son loves his father so very much, the problem is, is that I don't love him. I'm not sure if I have ever loved him. Now the problem is... is that I can't divorce him unless Adultery is committed, not on my part but his. I pray that he could turn to God, to look for salvation, for myself not to worry daily about him due to the atheism that he believes in, my husband is a police officer and puts his life on the life daily. I can't bare the thought of something happening to him and knowing where he will end up. I have distanced myself, we have zero friendship or loving relationship, we just live like room mates except when he wants sex, which is a huge chore for me, and I mean a huge chore, I don't think that this life is fair to either one of us. I just don't know how to live like this anymore, I need advice please. Thank you for reading this.
 

bethrow

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I can't believe noone has responded.
Not even a "I'll pray for you"...nothing. Geesh!

I'm sorry you are in this situation. It must be very difficult
I've been with my husband 12 years and I have felt like you with your second husband.
We live at times like roommates and I question my love for him and his love for me.
I will not divorce because of our son. He needs both of us under the same roof....so I've had to put what I want aside.
For a while we have to put our little boys on the front burner and our own desires and needs on the back burner.
Teach your son about Jesus.
My husband was not saved when we married. We went to church for a while, but he hated it and said he'd never go back. He stopped believing as well. I'd lay up at night crying, regretting, praying and crying.
I basically told him,"Ok...you don't want to go...then don't go. You don't believe then don't believe, but I will go and I will believe and you will not have a say in me taking our son to church and teaching him to believe.
Most likely your husband will come to believe when he sees your son learning about Jesus but it may take years. Just pray.
Tell him to stop with the bashing of your Lord Jesus. It's disrespectful. Come to an agreement. You will respect him, but he has to respect you as well.
All I can say is get some Christian counseling, get involved with your church, a ladies bible study, women's group where you get support.
You cannot change your husband, but you can change. Pray about God softening your heart to your husband, pray for God to soften your husband's heart toward you, pray for your son as you teach him about Jesus. Plant the seeds in your home. Plant God in the middle of your home. Satan has your husband right where he wants him and that is not believing. Praying earnestly for your husband and I promise over time...maybe years from now you'll see the blessings. It won't be an easy road. I'm sorry, but it won't. You will constantly have to keep your guard up so Satan doesn't tear you down.
Through the last 5 years I've prayed for my husband. We changed churches and he is better with it now. If I am sick he gets up and takes our son. He prays at dinner and it was "my husband's" idea to put Dylan into a private Christian school.
PRAY....God will change your husband's heart, your heart, and you'll see good come from this situation.
If you'd like to PM me we can talk privately.
I'll be praying for you!

p.s. I hope you get some others here to at least pray for your sitation.
 
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ALEA40

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Most likely your husband will come to believe when he sees your son learning about Jesus but it may take years. Just pray.

All I can say is get some Christian counseling, get involved with your church, a ladies bible study, women's group where you get support. You cannot change your husband, but you can change. Pray about God softening your heart to your husband, pray for God to soften your husband's heart toward you, pray for your son as you teach him about Jesus. Plant the seeds in your home. Plant God in the middle of your home. Satan has your husband right where he wants him and that is not believing. Praying earnestly for your husband and I promise over time...maybe years from now you'll see the blessings.

PRAY....God will change your husband's heart, your heart, and you'll see good come from this situation.

I agree with this. I often refer to 1 Corinthians 7:14: For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

I pray for my husband multiple times per day. I also pray for my children that their eyes will be opened and their hearts will be softened to God. But it is important to remember that it is the Holy Spirit who does the work of changing hearts. It took me 39 years to get where I am right now, and I wouldn't have gotten here unless I had the examples of my faithful christian friends around me.

I think all we can do is pray for them. I try to be a good example for my family. Since becoming a Christian, I am filled with the greatest peace and joy I've ever known. Do everything you can to continually connect with God every day. When you become the hands and feet of Jesus every day your family will notice and you will be an example to them. If you have the chance for a couple's retreat, you may want to explore that as a way to reconnect with your spouse. It's so tempting to draw away from someone who seems to be so sinful and hateful at times. I'm trying to figure that one out right now:confused:

Sending you lots of prayers and love, dear sister:prayer:
 
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eatenbylocusts

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Hope the OP comes back and updates. You cannot do wrong by being obedient to God. One thing that atheists and others bring up about Christians is the hypocrisy. I wonder if you have dealt with that yet? You didn't start out too well with your husband in this department. My thought is that the best thing for everyone involved is to grow your relationship with God right now. Be in close fellowship at a Bible-teaching church and have accountability, support and mentoring from other Christians. When your husband sees the changes that may be enough for him to start wanting to know why.
 
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HerCrazierHalf

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I know this thread is aging...

The two of you need to find a way to agree to disagree about religion. Even though we should be careful about quid pro quo in marriage you may want to ask him to withhold his comments about your beliefs in exchange for whatever.

He doesn't need to understand or think it rational, but he does need to respect your views as something that is important to you, his wife.
 
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Nov 6, 2014
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In my humble opinion, having different beliefs is not the only reason why marriage do not work or having the same belief does guarantee bliss. It differs from every relationship. When things go differently between my spouse and I, and an argument is about to begin, I keep my mouth shut. I know that if and when I continue talking, we will be throwing words at each other. I will speak as soon as the situation is cooler.
 
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