Hi, I'm a devoted Catholic who's been dealing with OCD for over three years, and I can't seem to get rid of all these horrible thoughts and vices.
My OCD started out when I was thirteen or fourteen, and I that was when I was afraid that I wasn't straight. So I developed this habit where I must look at any male (old, young, or any, any male, human or otherwise; you get the idea) or picture of a male and twitch myself. I kept thinking: "If I don't twitch, I won't be straight." Note that I'm not even at the age where I should start thinking about dating or any of that stuff, nor should I ever at such a young age. I didn't do this out of lust or anything. I was simply trying to reassure myself about my straightness by making myself think I was aroused by the pictures. I'd also re-confess the sins of mine that were already forgiven.
Then I told myself I couldn't look at pictures of holy figures, otherwise I'd just do the twitching. And, sadly, I did do the twitching, which I didn't even want to do in the first place. I could't even touch a rosary, bible, or a crucifix, because I'd think I'd be holding it in an inappropriate way.
Then all of these horrible images came to my mind at the worst possible times,which had holy figures in the images. I kept apologizing to God that he'd forgive me, because I never meant any of it. A lot of the scrupulous thoughts involved immoral acts, swearing and cursing in a sacrilegious way, wishing bad things against others, saying the Lord's name in vain, and swearing in a sacrilegious way. I'd even try to cancel out all these things my brain as thinking by thinking, "are all things that I can't say if they are bad." I also had horrible thoughts about doing bad things with holy objects or anything else that was good, where I would almost make myself feel these horrible things. Again, I regret everything that has happened under my OCD.
Then I found myself thinking indifferentist or satanic thoughts, and the good words in my thought prayers were being switched out for evil stuff. Then my mind would want me to pray for bad things to happen to ohers and to other non-holy figures, which really scared me.
The scrupulosity worsened one day when I was in the Blessed Sacrament. I was reading the Bible, when it mentioned that there was an unforgivable sin. My brain made me think some horrible things, and while I was thinking those bad thoughts, I forced myself to do that twitching. I also think I might have whispered to myself the horrible thoughts. I was afraid that I had committed the unforgivable sin, and I became depressed and I broke down in front of the priest who recently confessed me. On a different weekend, I read that God would punish those who said bad things about Abram, so my brain automatically started saying those bad things. I also found myself thinking these thoughts (and twitching) at really inappropriate times, such as during or after a trip to the restroom or when washing up.
I did my research, and I learned that the unforgivable sin is the ultimate rejection of God. I don't reject Him. I want to build a better relationship with God and spend the rest of my days following Him. I have been praying to Him daily, so that He will forgive me for my OCD and horrible thoughts and vices.
I am terrified and depressed because of these thoughts and actions, and I regret everything under my OCD-my thoughts and my actions.
Coincidentally, though, this OCD and twitching got worse when I made a pact with myself to be better and that I had a mission to help others and myself get to heaven. I believe that Satan is trying to throw me into despair so I give up my mission. I am in a great battle of spiritual warfare, and I am still depressed, and I hope that God will forgive me for everything. I guess my OCD is the cross that I must carry in this life, and I will keep my faith and trust in God whether I am in suffering or not, because I cannot cure my OCD or horrible thoughts without God's help. Like Job had his faith tested, I believe that my OCD is one of the many trials that will put my faith to the test; and I accept this suffering, as it will bring me closer to God.
My OCD stuff is happening over and over again. So I'll say it again: I love God. I apologize and I don't mean my OCD or anything, and I hope that God will forgive me.
My OCD started out when I was thirteen or fourteen, and I that was when I was afraid that I wasn't straight. So I developed this habit where I must look at any male (old, young, or any, any male, human or otherwise; you get the idea) or picture of a male and twitch myself. I kept thinking: "If I don't twitch, I won't be straight." Note that I'm not even at the age where I should start thinking about dating or any of that stuff, nor should I ever at such a young age. I didn't do this out of lust or anything. I was simply trying to reassure myself about my straightness by making myself think I was aroused by the pictures. I'd also re-confess the sins of mine that were already forgiven.
Then I told myself I couldn't look at pictures of holy figures, otherwise I'd just do the twitching. And, sadly, I did do the twitching, which I didn't even want to do in the first place. I could't even touch a rosary, bible, or a crucifix, because I'd think I'd be holding it in an inappropriate way.
Then all of these horrible images came to my mind at the worst possible times,which had holy figures in the images. I kept apologizing to God that he'd forgive me, because I never meant any of it. A lot of the scrupulous thoughts involved immoral acts, swearing and cursing in a sacrilegious way, wishing bad things against others, saying the Lord's name in vain, and swearing in a sacrilegious way. I'd even try to cancel out all these things my brain as thinking by thinking, "are all things that I can't say if they are bad." I also had horrible thoughts about doing bad things with holy objects or anything else that was good, where I would almost make myself feel these horrible things. Again, I regret everything that has happened under my OCD.
Then I found myself thinking indifferentist or satanic thoughts, and the good words in my thought prayers were being switched out for evil stuff. Then my mind would want me to pray for bad things to happen to ohers and to other non-holy figures, which really scared me.
The scrupulosity worsened one day when I was in the Blessed Sacrament. I was reading the Bible, when it mentioned that there was an unforgivable sin. My brain made me think some horrible things, and while I was thinking those bad thoughts, I forced myself to do that twitching. I also think I might have whispered to myself the horrible thoughts. I was afraid that I had committed the unforgivable sin, and I became depressed and I broke down in front of the priest who recently confessed me. On a different weekend, I read that God would punish those who said bad things about Abram, so my brain automatically started saying those bad things. I also found myself thinking these thoughts (and twitching) at really inappropriate times, such as during or after a trip to the restroom or when washing up.
I did my research, and I learned that the unforgivable sin is the ultimate rejection of God. I don't reject Him. I want to build a better relationship with God and spend the rest of my days following Him. I have been praying to Him daily, so that He will forgive me for my OCD and horrible thoughts and vices.
I am terrified and depressed because of these thoughts and actions, and I regret everything under my OCD-my thoughts and my actions.
Coincidentally, though, this OCD and twitching got worse when I made a pact with myself to be better and that I had a mission to help others and myself get to heaven. I believe that Satan is trying to throw me into despair so I give up my mission. I am in a great battle of spiritual warfare, and I am still depressed, and I hope that God will forgive me for everything. I guess my OCD is the cross that I must carry in this life, and I will keep my faith and trust in God whether I am in suffering or not, because I cannot cure my OCD or horrible thoughts without God's help. Like Job had his faith tested, I believe that my OCD is one of the many trials that will put my faith to the test; and I accept this suffering, as it will bring me closer to God.
My OCD stuff is happening over and over again. So I'll say it again: I love God. I apologize and I don't mean my OCD or anything, and I hope that God will forgive me.
Last edited:
