please help! I am an emotional wreck. I need advice asap.

Timahani said:

Hey Everyone,
My God son is at it again! Just a quick reminder of His history: He was the victim of severe sexual abuse at the age of 10 , He is an adoptive child, has drug issues, and is currently in psychological treatment. His current age is 17…
Id first like to say that He has come along way since He has had a relationship with my family and I. His sexual defiance and aggression towards me in the beginning was (all the time, all day long, he had no concept of boundaries for anyone) Now however, the incidents have decreased to (1x violation per visit). I have very strong boundaries with Him and I am never alone with Him without my brother (who is the same age as my God-son, but much larger in size). I will admit. I made a huge mistake my God son was sleeping taking a noon nap, I allowed my brother to go down stairs to the laundry room to throw clothes in the washing machine (thinking he was asleep). I was gathering a few items from the room in which he was sleeping, as I was leaving the room he jumped on me and I flew on the bed. I tried to get up several times, and he threw me back down. It was crazy because I felt as though the more I began to fight back the more it became “FUN” for him. There was an evilness present, almost as if He was enjoying watching me struggle. I quickly took another approach because I didn’t want to hurt him, I started to pray inwardly in “ the SPIRIT”, I stopped fighting and became limp. Quickly, I saw His nature began to change once again…He started saying just give me a small Kiss please ( that was not going to happen), I was soooo mad. Then my brother came in…He got so scared and He quickly ran out of the house because he knew I was angry.
The next day, I went to my God mother’s house (she is a former youth minister). I had bruises all over my arms, my thighs, my body was so dehydrated from the struggle, and tired .The sexual contact was minimal, as I managed to keep my clothing on, no kisses, nothing (just space violations), just trying to get out of the room. But it triggered me psychologically and emotionally. I was just emotionally hurt, that He wasn’t respecting my boundaries. Since then, I have consecrated myself for almost 30 days now and I am doing much better. Ive spoken to him since and everything is peaceful on the surface he admits:
that what He DID was a form of sexual abuse. He will NOT admit that His past History of sexual abuse is effecting him today!
The hardest thing for me is : when I tell him how much it hurts me, I can see in His eyes that he has no sense of remorse, just a slight smile on his face(almost an evil grin). There are so much inconsistencies in his personalities, for example: He begged me to be his God-mom , then when I gave him his christening gift and began the process, it was as if “ something” came over him, and He was like “I don’t want you to be my God-mom, I don’t want another family!”. Then he starts asking me : “Are you hurt, you feel sad now” (as if AGAIN he is trying to hurt me). WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?
Just yesterday, the girl next door who is my God sons best friend as well as a friend of our family told my brother that he pulled her tube top down and her breast were exposed in front of everyone in the apartments and he ran off (they are the same age). He is hurting all the people closest to him.
Quickly speaking: mom does not care period point blank! The kids medicine does not work, psychiatric treatment is not working.
My question today isn’t about necessarily helping him right now, I am taking a break from HIM at the moment. My questions are :
Is this something spiritual (in reference to the personality changes)?
Are do you think this is just a form of him playing games?
What do you think I should do in the future to help this child?
Or do you feel that He is a lost cause and just wait just allow him to suffer the consequences of the law ? Which is bound to happen!
***HE lives a few doors down from me so I have to see him everyday in the apartment complex (smh).

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Based on your post....Pray for him but stay away from Him! He has a darkness inside of Him that only God can take away but until that happens. He is a danger to all around Him. I would also advise you to learn a few self defence moves just in case. I know the Bible says to turn the other cheek but I really don't think God expects us to be raped or worse! Or you could simply call the cops and press charges but odds are, he'll be out the next day.

You need to report what happened, whether he will get in trouble or not. Most likely, reporting it will get him into a situation where people will offer him help, and containment to protect other people.

There might be something spiritual, but I would not advise you trying anything alone with him -- ask others to handle it. You prayed in the spirit, and that is good. Try also speaking scriptures aloud when he is acting up. Find some good resources on spiritual warfare -- as with turning him in, it is not to accuse and punish him, but to find him help and freedom. That's why they call it deliverance.

As for you, your probably have a lot of compassion for him, and rationalize what happens. But make sure to stand your ground and call a crime, a crime... an offense, an offense. Get some friends to recommend solutions and resources.

This was assault. Being somewhat related, it was like domestic abuse. I don't know all the terminology, but you need to see it as something that he should be held accountable for, and helped with by professionals who are already lined up to handle it.

Hi,
I will pray, but you should strongly consider calling the authorities.

Grace to you.

When we talk about the Law of God in ancient contexts, in ancient states, we are referring to theocracies. States that were actually governed by the Laws of God. Of course these days states are very secular and as a by product Christians we have divorced our mind set away from the idea that infringing upon the law of God meant incurring state punishment.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

As a person you are to forgive your assailants, this is so your own spirit will not be poisoned by hatred and malice.

However God always allowed the state to deal with criminals, this has not changed...

I feel that Jesus loves this young man so much.

I think your care for him is wonderful and that you did the right thing to pray in the Spirit. Probably the best thing you can do is to continue to pray, and to continue to protect yourself, but I think you need help too . Can you involve your church leaders/mature Christian men in talking to or praying with him? Will others pray for this young man, including covering the psychiatric sessions in prayer?

I don't think he is playing games. I think he is so hurt by what has happened to him, that he cannot always see boundaries (his was violated when he was 10) and sometimes pushes away/abuses those who care for him before they can reject him, as he probably feels rejected by his birth-mother - and that pain can be very great.

Prayers for you both; for your emotions, protection and guidance in the situation and for his healing and release.

Call the cops so he can go to juvy and get help there.

I believe it is spiritual, yes. From what you briefly described, the sexual abuse he suffered is a typical door opener to evil spirits. You need to remember that most often than not, you will not be dealing with him, but with the spirit.
I have been in the same situation for the last 3 years with our son. Until December, when he turned to The Lord. He also is 17.
I suggest never be with him on your own.
Start spiritual warfare. In our case it took 3 years. Through this, God brought me into the Deliverance ministry, and now minister to others I this area once or twice a week. Chat any time.
God bless!

I am sure that everyone who responds to you is going to tell you the obvious christian answer.....Pray for him, get him spiritual counseling, find a good church, he has a demon and I would agree with all of them, but first you must know that he did more then violate "space boundaries." When he through you on the bed and jumped on you, he assaulted you. You can do all the Christian things that we are called to do. Pray for him, help him find Jesus, get him deliverance and definitely forgive him of assaulting you. Since this is not the first time, you should report him to the police. Realize you were assaulted and put a stop to it or it will continue you until he accomplishes his desires. You need to be far away from him!! It is sad that he was sexually assaulted as a child and I am sure this is the reason he is the way he is , but it is NO excuse for him to assault a child of God. I will keep you in pray. †God Bless†

@Timahani,

Please clear you pm inbox, as I cannot send you a message. It is full.

Stay away from all of them have no contact with the family, do not go over even if he is there, change your number, change your habits...and alert police that you are scared. He wasn't trying to play with you or he wasn't having fun he was trying to rape you. There is no talking to him about it, there is no trying to explain....there is report, charge and keep away. You need an order of protection. He needs to be charged with an attempted rape so hopefully he will get it on his record and have to be registered.

I mean I have a little baby girl and I don't want him living by me. You protect yourself and report this and stay away from him you are protecting others.

Timahani said:

Thank u! Yes one day I was correcting his disrespectful behavior and all of a sudden his eyes went blank and he just stared at me for a very long time. His presence was sooo scary and thick...I was in shock. The day he came over and my brother went to bed...i kept him up...talking to him and laying down guidelines about respecting peoples space..all of a sudden things flew of the wall, there were knocks on the door and he started getting aggrevated....I prayed and He was fine.....No incidents....The next day I didnt pray it was over!!! He is very kind and popular thats why he hasnt went to jail, but when that CHILD Changed its almost like a bat out of Hell..I worked in psychiatric crisis.Centers this childs behavior is over the top...He cant stop assaulting people sexually....i know he can....but what I mean is.....within a week...he may have over 10 sexual encounters with different girls....He has a Severe case of herpes affe,ting him from head to toe...sores everywhere....He cant STOP. To me there is a spirit of sexual perversion and lust that is operating in that child...

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Well at 10 years old you can't process and cope with certain actions, most adults can not cope with being raped. So these children typically grow up with an askewed view on sexual relationships. You often hear of people that were sexually abused as children having sexual issues.....in marriage they have difficulty becoming intimate, they can't connect sexually, they can have sex with a number of partners and feel nothing or they feel powerful by committing the same act they could not stop.

That blank stare could have been you triggering some sort of trauma. He could have been reliving a past something that happened to him.

It's over the top because he was abused. I think the main person at fault is his whoever is legally responsible for him. He clearly did not get the help he needed to get better from the gate.

We do that in the church all the time. A kid has had trouble from the time he 7 years old then at 15 he's got the devil in him.

I don't know why you are trying to explain things to someone that just sexually assaulted you? How is he over in your brother's room even though he's bigger and he attempted to sexual assault his sister?

I don't know the entire story sounds strange when I think about from him to you even the brother are all behaving abnormally.

Timahani said:

Im sorry avniel but I dont your question...How is he over in your brothers room if he is bigger and attempted to sexually assault his sister?

You also stated that we all are behaving abnormally...what do you mean? By trying to talk to him.
I think its easy to lay judgements and label people abnormal....however anytime there is a trauma people handle it differently. THREE INDIVIDUALS could break an arm ....ALL of them are hurt...one may scream hysterically...one may feel no pain at all...and another may be in extreme pain but remain quiet and docile.......I have expierenced ALOT of violence in my life I dont jump easily ....which isnt good. My patience is because one He is a child and two he is family to both my brother and I....I am writing at this point to vent my sadness and pain because abusive individuals are monsters all the time.....you still have to grieve the loss of the good part of the relationship.

lastly, I did not limit His behavior to demonic activity, but O also stated that he is in psychiatric tx, and also his past history because they are ALL factors effecting him.

But yes I do agree with you that I need to focus on protecting myself and staying away.
You have no idea the pain both physically and emotionally I was in. I took one week for me to gain a decent amount of strength to wall again. I had bruises everywhere....but my even in my pain I still choose forgiveness and compassion..hope I brought some clarification.
Thanks for the reply.

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What I am asking is as a father and a brother at 27 or when I was 9 if you pretended to even think about harming my sister...it was on. If someone sexual assaults my daughter it would be on CNN let's just say that. So my question is after a sexual assault against you why did your brother allow him in his room....why is he even in your home?

That seems strange.

The underlined seems strange and the bolded seems strange.

You said he's your god brother that's not your brother. You two are not related he is not your cousin, he is not your uncle and he certainly isn't a grandparent. There is no family connection.


He is not a monster he's a 17 year old child that is being allowed to become a monster. He was sexual abused that is a typical reaction for a child that was sexual abused.

If you know all his past history then why say he's a monster? You said you worked at a crisis center, do you have any training dealing with post abuse? I have my BA in political science and I know if you give me 10 guys and one of them have the potential to be a rapist.....it would probably be someone with history like his.

Compassion isn't walking up to firing squad, it's not jumping off the bridge because you don't want someone to die alone. That's illogical.

Let me ask you a question if you're running down the street and someone you know shot you in the leg. Are you going to crawl up to them and tell them how to respect people's lives? That's kinda abnormal the way you approached it I understand it now you have seen violence so it's not a big deal to you....but that's not really something you want to leave alone either.

Sweetie- your compassion for your Godson is very clear. It's commendable that you feel the way you do- but I think it's time to face up to the harsh realities of this problem.

Hon- I think you're holding on to a few things that are stopping you doing what, I suspect, deep down you know needs doing.

You refer to him a lot as a child- almost as if it excuses him a little or takes away from his accountability for what he's doing.

He's 17. He is NOT a child. He may legally be a minor- but at 17 a guy is in NO WAY a child. My son is 18- has been for a few months. He's a lot taller than me. He is stronger than me. He knows the difference between right and wrong. It was no different at 17. Or 16. Or 15.....
If my son at 17 had physically harmed me- he'd be staring into the eyes of a policeman pretty damn fast. No one in any court case would buy that being 17 makes him a child- and I sure as heck wouldn't.

No matter what his background- your Godson has not been a child for some time. He's had a hellish childhood that I wouldn't wish on anyone- but none of that means he hasn't grown up. None of that means that the adults in his life should accept behaviour like this.

We are called to love- not to take anything thrown at us and certainly not to allow ourselves to be abused and assaulted and then make excuses for the attacker.
I know that sounds harsh- but it's precisely because you are not dealing with a child but a physically grown man that blunt reality has to be faced.

Sweetheart- has it ever occured to you that in NOT reporting these episodes, or whatever, and therefore not letting those better able to help him deal with it- then you (and your brother- anyone who lets it go, so to speak) are simply enabling him?

Do you think that he's just going to snap out of it one day?

Do you think that if he can behave like this towards someone who has shown him more compassion and care than almost anyone in his life- that he'll give a hoot about some girl he happens to encounter and decides to attack?
Familial feelings and loyalty mean nothing to him in this state.

You already say he regulalry behaves inappropriately with many females. And no one has reported him? Frankly- that's appalling. If my own son- who I love more than my life- did that- I'd be dragging him to the police station by his ears!!!

I would NEVER sit back and allow someone I knew capable of this to be in a position where they could assault someone else's daughter.

If I lived near you and your Godson did that to my daughter- could you look me in the eyes and tell me that you never acted because you felt sorry for him? Because it's emotionally'difficult'?
How exactly would that help my daughter go through the rest of her life carrying what happened to her?

I know this sounds hard- even as if I'm angry at you.

i'm not, sweetheart. I'm really not. But this is the reality. The parents of some girl he'll one day go too far with (and can you, hand on heart, tell me you don't worry that he's going to rape someone in the not too distant future)- would not understand your hurt or emotions. They'd see a group of people who knew the dangers and did nothing. Who enabled him to carry on behaving like this.

Sweetie- I'm actually worried for YOUR safety. God never called you to sit back and take abuse. He never says 'If I give you compassion for someone that means you shield them from growing up and taking the consequences for their actions and withold professional help from them by keeping what they do unchallenged'

You're a caring, kind, amazing person. I know you can't bear to think of unhappiness in this guy's life. I seriously doubt you'd be able to live with yourself if the first involvement of authorities would be if he gets arrested for rape- and you know your family didn't act when there was time to save that victim before it was too late.

It's a hard, hard thing- but if you love and care for him as much as it seems- trying to hang on to being his saviour in a way isn't helping him in the long run.

I have to admit I really can't understand why somone else (like the girl whose top he pulled down- or her parents) are all just letting this go. I'm stunned that he hasn't been reported before now.

You're doing the right thing in taking a break from this man. It isn't helpful or healthy for you to be in his life right now- and he needs not to see your home as a place he can run to, knowing whatever he does there is acceptable because, no matter what may be said, no matter what 'conditions' he's given- nothing REALLY happens when he violates them. He's seen as a child and gets away with it without anything happening that will actually impact on his life.

Praying for you hon- it's a horrible situation x x