if I killed myself would I go to hell

You are seeking a path out of Babylon/confusion/this world, but killing your flesh in this realm will not benefit you, to follow Jesus is to die to our souls or take up our cross by forsaking this world which is built on lies upon lies upon more lies becoming a place of confusion and despair a wilderness or a field of thorns which is not our home but a place of duality or a gendering male/female, first off you need to understand why it is this way and why GOD made it this way, at this time you do not, but this is the order of things so don't worry, perhaps today is the day you take the first steps as I have and those before me

Your feelings/emotions of wanting to bring this confusion of face to an end are of a truth, but the path you seek out is not the path Jesus want you to take, but He wants you to follow the path He walked, but saying this you will not find this path preached in any temple, they being the source of most lies which will keep you in the field you so desire to come out from.

If you are referring to this place "hell" as the eternal torture doctrine, then this unscriptural pagan nonsense is one such lie you will need to forsake.

The more lies one rids their soul of the more sense one makes of why this world is in such a state of total confusion although this being the order of things.

when I was at my bottom, sometimes, that was the only thought that would keep me from taking my life. And the answer only really comes after. Don't take that chance. God loves you and died for you so that you could live. It is a very rough patch... but you can get through it. It is only a moment even though it feels like it won't go away. I was suicidal all the time and sometimes have fleeting thoughts once in a great while, but there is so much to be thankful for and it can be so hard during depression to see all the good things in your life. Anyway, I'll keep you in prayer, and hope you feel better. Hang on, okay? Life is worth the fight.

Let Christ give you strength. -song I wrote in my rough patch. God bless.

N-B Video: A song of freedom - YouTube

Azariah1982 I haven't stopped praying for you. You are worth living and you matter. We love you here

azariah1982 said:

I never been so depressed in all my life.
I know by me worrying it's taking away
Youth.

I asked God to kill me. I felt bad saying thay.
I truly dont want to live. I felt really low when I text my pastor and told him I wanted to die. His response was no response. What kind of pAstor id that.

I want to let me pass away.

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Maybe what your pastor did for you was more important that responding to you - like pray.

I was suicidal when I was 9 years old and really nothing anyone said helped, so at this point, what can anyone say to you that would help?

All we can do is pray.

When I was in my darkest hours......I desired to live.......There are doctors that can help depression. There is always hope and please try to look for help. Seek a new church.....The Pastor probably doesn't know how to help......I have been in the pits of depression before. I know the pain......But I was lifted out of it thru doctors so please if your young, talk to a counseler at school to get the ball rolling.

azariah1982 said:

I never been so depressed in all my life.
I know by me worrying it's taking away
Youth.

I asked God to kill me. I felt bad saying thay.
I truly dont want to live. I felt really low when I text my pastor and told him I wanted to die. His response was no response. What kind of pAstor id that.

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Maybe it's one who doesn't text. Not everyone does (I don't). And really, I question how much something that can be helped much over text (or a web site), which is rather impersonal anyway. Please, if you feel this badly, go see someone like a counselor or psychologist, or if you know someone you feel you can confide in, try them. The reasons to feel this bad can be numerous, so we can't give you a pat answer or solution. I wish you the best and may you be blessed with better days in the future. You're worth it.

Azariah-

I have been right where you are please believe me so I do know what it feels like to want this pain to end. I had someone who cared about me take me to a doctor I trusted that got me in the hospital where I could get around the clock care. It is a big deal to have those feelings and you can't ignore them. What I came to realize as I got out of the daily stress of life and focused only on my mental health was I didn't want to die, I just didn't want to live with the feelings I was having. The darkness and despair and no relief in sight is daunting and it seems insurmountable. I want you to know that this is a symptom of an illness you have. It is a symptom that can be treated. It takes time and patience but you CAN do it if you only give yourself a chance. God bless you and I'll be praying for you

Azariah-

I for one now have a better understanding why this life feels like a curse. I apologize if I seem to have made light of your situation. I can't even imagine the pain and agony you must face on a daily basis. What I CAN say I relate to is having had the feeling of wanting to leave this world before. I have felt that feeling and it is a very serious contemplation. Sometimes in this life all we can see is the bad things that are happening to us and there looks like there is no end to it or no relief is in sight. The suffering consumes our whole being and all we are left with is a desire to end the pain. Where is God in these moments? Why do we feel so alone? I believe we feel so alone so we will call out to him. When we say "Not my will be done but thy will be done." God begins to move in our lives to mold us to his will. We still need to use the tools God has created for the management of our health like medication therapy, support groups etc. But when we begin to ask God what his will is for our lives, I believe he begins to move closer to us and our relief in small ways begins to take it's place. Not all at once but like in my case, I just am beginning to get some small periods of relief from the absolute sorrow that grips my life. Little pieces of relief here and there and as you move forward together with God, and all your medical resources, you can experience a piece of relief from your sorrow one moment, one day at a time. I hope soon you can see that life can be worth living.

Facing the pain God would like you to choose for life with Him.

God can make you stronger than the need to die, the need to die comes forth out of your depression, however when you take the depression away the need to die goes away as well.

Embrace God's love and let Him deal with the pain, anger and bitterness, His love is so much better than all of that.

Please seek after His good life, even as an ill person you can experience God's goodness in your heart. Build with His goodness and His promises you be surprised what a difference He makes.

I wanted to share a poem with you that I wrote when I was facing the question of suicide, and it worked for me, God's good life saved me from my bad life and gave me love faith and hope in the future, my wish for you is that you find Him in your life as well.

Bye Bye Old

I might as well die to the old.
No perfection in my reality.
Just agonising suffering!
What benefit to make it longer?
I might as well abscond,
my so called responsibility.
I'm just a bondsman,
a slave to my physical reality.
Stuck with forces that only want,
Forcing much hate on me.
Bringing me untold misery,
Raping me all day long!
It hurts to stay around,
why not simply say goodbye!
Move on along the rippling tide,
forgetting what is down here.
Finding new horizons appearing,
instead of open warfare!
Why am I still fighting on?
Surely The Battle has been won!
Loving Truth is victorious,
also over my life!
And that's all that matters,
in The End.
Bye bye old
I'll Dress in New.

azariah1982 said:

Awsome. I love it I write poetry too. You are really good. It is hos I feel
I wanna say I am a rely bubbly person funny. Just have a lot of issues. For
a long time I lived my life battling insecurity and homosexuality. It is hard. It's so many
Factors as to why I'm depressed.

I'm black in the black community you are shunned and hated even killed for being gay. It's torment.

I repeatedly ask Him to let, me die.,I know He knows, why I feel this way.


I want to stop talking these meds come what may. I am saved I been saved for, years. I ask God to let me disappear. I scream in a, pillow to muffle the sound,of me screaming or,crying.

There is much abuse in nursing, Homes

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I hear you bro, things are bad! I'm so sorry to hear that.

Still help can be had. God may still have a different cause to life that will help you defeat depression. He did that for me.

To be gay is not an issue that freaks God out, or away from you or something else that would remove His love from you. He wants to heal you from all of your afflictions and set you free I know that for sure.

To overcome depression? Have you pondered that? To be stronger than depression? wouldn't that be nice? Go to Jesus and ask Him to moult your thinking, feeling and knowing world out of its torturous one. His truth will set you free to even be depressed and be at peace with Him, others and yourself.

(Thank you for liking my poem, it worked as well I've left a life of misery behind - God can make us stronger than we ever been before. I'll share you another one and feel free to share some of yours with me!)

Down In The Pit?

Beloved when your depression must rule as king
Keep you eyes peeled on The Truth of God's Love
Lies' despairing misery making those wicked cling
yet faith in Christ's loving truth rescues from above.

Awaiting Jesus in your darkest hour so sore and low.
Fighting of those ugly feelings and thoughts pounding
In The pit God's loving truth in faith will now surely grow
God's Kingdom Come - no misery Good Life hounding.

azariah1982 said:

I have some on sound cloud can u listen to
Audi I there?

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Sound cloud never heard of it before, how do I access that and what name do I find you under?

I wasn't going to answer due to a previous post I made and dealing with suicidal thoughts, but then you posted something that hit really close to home so, I feel like I have to respond now.

Depending on the country you're from (like here, in the United States) if there's abuse going on in the nursing homes, you are allowed to report it to the police. I can't find anything outside of the US on Google on laws and who to report to but I am guessing it's the same thing. What will happen is they'll ask a series of questions (what's going on, etc) and do an investigation. If it does turn out to be neglect and abuse, you'll be moved elsewhere and the place will more than likely be closed down (there's obviously a lot more than that).

Secondly, you say you're gay. Wanna know what's funny? So am I. I am a through and through lesbian who battled with myself, God and my sexuality for years and so many amazing relationships turned toxic because I was taught who I am is a terrible thing and I should feel terrible because I like girls. However, one year, I had a very deep conversation with God and I found myself happy with who I was, and he even blessed me with a wonderful partner, she went to church with me, we were incredibly close.

You live in a place where you can be killed for being gay--I feel you on that, maybe not to the point of murder but I can relate on a level of...homophobia. One of my friends was shot and killed for being gay, an acquaintance of mine (my old co-workers cousin) was beaten into a coma by a Bible by his OWN family, I've met many homeless teens thrown out for their sexuality and seen even more harassment and me, myself was harassed for it as well. Bullied to a severe point. The thing is, you have to find the strength to be proud, no matter what. What you are is between you and God. Not you and your pastor, not you and your congregation, not you and a group of hateful people. You and God.

If people wish to throw stones, remind them that Jesus would not be in their churches, he would not be with them throwing their stones, he would be with the outcasts, as he was when he was still alive.

I don't want to be the one to spout cliche Bible verses, but God makes you the way you are for a reason. It's what you do with it is up to you. You can do great things with it or you can sit at home and mope about it. With depression, it's easier to mope but these things can be overcome.

What are some of your talents, some things you're proud of being able to do? Or even like doing? Do those things.

You have one life, it's not meant to be lived in sadness or agony. But this is a broken world, so it will be sad and agonizing, it's just how you go about it.

Do you have any living relatives, any friends at all?

Just please don't kill yourself. There is help available.

Be thankful you have a roof over your head, food in your tummy, and that you woke up for the day, God has blessed you with another day of life. None of us are promised a tomorrow. If you are alive you have a purpose.God should be tje only one who choses when we die. Praying for you

You are in my prayers, brother.
Anything I say is going to sound trite, and I can't imagine how you have come this far with all of that - all I can say is that God is in charge - you obviously know and believe that. Somehow he will get you through