Christian Ethics

FanthatSpark said:

Hi brothers and sisters !

Is it ethical to ask a person to forgive you of a transgression knowing they wont? Do we condemn them to not be forgiven by God? A lot of programs suggest to ask the individual you have transgressed against for forgiveness such as the 12 step to move forward. Is it ethical to clear ones mind of said sin in trying to move forward in their lives in asking individuals for forgiveness already knowing they have hardened their heart?

Blessings CF,

FTS

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I think I would start by praying that the Lord would soften their heart.

IN general I think it is good to ask those we have harmed to forgive us and make restitution where we can. If we think they wouldn't I'd start to think about if by asking this that it will make the situation worse. Maybe we have to let some time go by so they can see the new person that isn't doing harmful tings to people any more and then when we ask forgiveness they will know its coming from a sincere heart that is changed and isn't just trying to get out from under the guilt we are feeling.

FanthatSpark said:

Hi brothers and sisters !

Is it ethical to ask a person to forgive you of a transgression knowing they wont? Do we condemn them to not be forgiven by God? A lot of programs suggest to ask the individual you have transgressed against for forgiveness such as the 12 step to move forward. Is it ethical to clear ones mind of said sin in trying to move forward in their lives in asking individuals for forgiveness already knowing they have hardened their heart?

Blessings CF,

FTS

Click to expand...

If you truly repent for the transgression and feel remorse for it, then you have to ask. If you are just checking off boxes on a list, then you aren't ready to ask.

If you think think that their heart is so hardened and that you have progressed far enough to get past it, then you need to pray for yourself and for them first. If they tell you that they can't forgive you, then quietly forgive them and go away without further drama. Don't make a big show of "being the better person" or saying, "well, I'll just pray for you". Just say, "I'm truly sorry for what I did" and walk away.

You aren't condemning them to hell if they refuse. But if you don't throw any more fuel on the fire, their anger may burn out later. They may never tell you they forgive you but they will know and God will know and that's all that really counts.

FanthatSpark said:

Hi brothers and sisters !

Is it ethical to ask a person to forgive you of a transgression knowing they wont? Do we condemn them to not be forgiven by God? A lot of programs suggest to ask the individual you have transgressed against for forgiveness such as the 12 step to move forward. Is it ethical to clear ones mind of said sin in trying to move forward in their lives in asking individuals for forgiveness already knowing they have hardened their heart?

Blessings CF,

FTS

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In asking forgiveness, It is important that you do the best you can "to make peace with your brother" (with them) doing so in the meekest, mild, most humble way and as calm a way as possible, but you cannot spend your time doing this "forever" (and let it "consume" you) try as many times as you think you should try and if they still seem to be upset or have hardened there heart over the matter and don't seem to forgive you, then just make a meek, mild discreet exit, and I would pray for them later (on), (but don't tell them your going to pray for them, especially if their a non-believer), and do your best to not "add any fuel to their fire either... (but/and you don't have to keep going back either (to see if they've changed their mind/attitude about it) It's not up to you to "change" them, but the asking of forgiveness is for your own sake...

It's just as good when to not give up (on a person/matter) as it is to know when it is "good" to "give up" on a person/matter and (let it go) and let your conscience that God/Jesus gave you be your guide in this, God will know that you tried your best, when you know that you have tried your best. After that (after you feel that you've tried your best) just let it go (with the person, in-between you and the individual) but and maybe still talk and pray to God (in private) about it sometimes (if you feel you must) (if it still weighs heavy on your heart) but don't let the matter "consume" you, if and when it starts to do that, it is probably best to let it go, for your own sake

But, a lot of the time you can't change people (a person) only God can, If they insist on having an unforgiving heart, a lot of times, there's just nothing you can do about it anyways. Just follow your heart and mind and let your conscience be your guide in the matter, but/and also know when it's best to "let it go" and just put it/leave it, in God's hands. Like I said God will know you tried your best, when you know you have tried your best, and that's up to you to decide. But/and "I" my "opinion" in my limited ability to "advise", would be just to try a few (couple) of times and for a little bit, a short while and if doesn't work, then just let it go...

Hope that helps, "peace" and happiness and joy to you!

FanthatSpark said:

Hi brothers and sisters !

Is it ethical to ask a person to forgive you of a transgression knowing they wont? Do we condemn them to not be forgiven by God? A lot of programs suggest to ask the individual you have transgressed against for forgiveness such as the 12 step to move forward. Is it ethical to clear ones mind of said sin in trying to move forward in their lives in asking individuals for forgiveness already knowing they have hardened their heart?

Blessings CF,

FTS

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Yes, it is more than ethical acually..it is a command of the Lord to be reconciled to our brother. It doesn't have a clause there so pray and ask God to soften their heart, and attempt to reconcile. If they won't reconcile then the ball is in their court and you have done what the Lord wanted you to do. At that point all you can do is lift them up to God and pray for them. Look for opportunities the Lord is giving you to speak life to them, and keep praying God will make the way where there is no way. As in all things, by led of the Spirit and not the flesh. The desire you have is certainly from God and He will make it work out for your good. Remember that He makes everything beautiful in its time. God bless.

I appreciate and agree with the comments shared above. It is our duty to at least TRY for reconciliation with our brothers and sisters. And that includes confessing our fault, and asking forgiveness from the person we have wronged when we have harmed someone.

It's also worth pointing out that no one has to forgive anyone. So we can't just expect that saying sorry, or doing what we think is a reasonable job to make amends is necessarily going to be a cure all. We have to approach the situation humbly, and appreciate our fault even if the person we have wronged does not forgive us - a possibility we should not dismiss when asking forgiveness.

FanthatSpark said:

Hi again forum,

All these responses seem good. I too made amends in my past so I could physically lift the load to love myself spiritually. No one did not forgive me and in that I am blessed. However ,as I take the Word for Truth this verse bothers me...

Matt 6: 14-15 And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

I authored this thread in ethics because I can not find scripture to back it. I have even tried a topical Bible site to fit the scenario in OP. No dice.
I can not find verse where the transgressor asks for forgiveness of another person, God yes. There are many of "if a brother transgresses against you".



So, can any back this with scripture? Remember that you "know" that the individual will not forgive you and verse here-in applies to the hardened heart . I guess this changes from ethics to scripture .

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It's not up to you, (the "other person's forgiveness or letting go of something) but only your own, that scripture is telling "you" to forgive or let go, and is not dependent upon the other person's doing so or not...

Maybe I don't fully understand your question though, am I getting it right?

the scriptures are for the believers, if the person you are asking forgiveness of is a true believer, they will forgive you. if they are not, then you have done what you need to do. just as important is to forgive. the burden is on the one with the hardened heart, forgiving takes the weight off the forgiving one. people i hadn't forgiven for 50 years, i had to let it go. you have given them the opportunity to take that burden from them, if they want to keep it, there is nothing more you can do, but pray for them.