Would God send married people in separate directions?

If there was not a Scriptural impediment to your marriage - which if you are both believers and not previously married, I don't see how there could be - then (in my opinion) God would NOT be "telling you to divorce".

Whether or not you were called, I cannot say. I believe we CAN make decisions that can get in the way of our calling. I also believe that God is able to work out the circumstances, but I think it often results in a delay (or possibly a change).

It sounds to me that if your husband's foundation is not firm, that would be the first priority to work on. I don't know if I've ever seen a really productive ministry come out of a lukewarm or questioning relationship with God. A person who is anxious to "do something for God" when in that state is really in danger of putting any real relationship with God on the back burner in favor of a lot of busy-work, and at the same time is likely not in the best position to be sure of their own calling.

If we want to be productive, I believe we are better off in joining WITH God in what He is doing, rather than running off with our own ideas. We can have limited success in our own efforts, but that is often draining on a person, and we can see so much more happen if God is working along with us. After all, it is really He who produces real change.

I hope that helps.

Also I realize (sorry) that I didn't really address your main question. I think some people are gifted with the ability to be single. If they are not, then singleness can be quite a burden, causing one to "burn with lust". Not exactly the best state for performing ministry.

I would question very carefully if you really felt called by God to BE single, and to make that commitment. If not, perhaps you made a sacrifice He did not call for. And you seem to be questioning whether you did in fact commit to remaining single?

Your vows to your husband are a covenant too, and not to be broken lightly.

I know some couples have separated temporarily for ministry, but that is rare. I think two separate callings on two separate continents - probably cannot fit with the vows you made in marriage. Long term, either your promises to God, your promises to each other, and your ability to fulfill all of those promises will suffer. Remember that your marriage is a covenant before God as well, and proceed carefully.

It seems like dropping everything and going to Africa would delight you.

I could be wrong, but in the Bible it seems to suggest wives are to be there in support of their husbands.

If your husband talked about abandoning you and going on a mission to Africa some people here might call him bad words.

Kylissa said:

If there was not a Scriptural impediment to your marriage - which if you are both believers and not previously married, I don't see how there could be - then (in my opinion) God would NOT be "telling you to divorce".

Whether or not you were called, I cannot say. I believe we CAN make decisions that can get in the way of our calling. I also believe that God is able to work out the circumstances, but I think it often results in a delay (or possibly a change).

It sounds to me that if your husband's foundation is not firm, that would be the first priority to work on. I don't know if I've ever seen a really productive ministry come out of a lukewarm or questioning relationship with God. A person who is anxious to "do something for God" when in that state is really in danger of putting any real relationship with God on the back burner in favor of a lot of busy-work, and at the same time is likely not in the best position to be sure of their own calling.

If we want to be productive, I believe we are better off in joining WITH God in what He is doing, rather than running off with our own ideas. We can have limited success in our own efforts, but that is often draining on a person, and we can see so much more happen if God is working along with us. After all, it is really He who produces real change.

I hope that helps.

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Kylissa said it perfectly. I think all this worry and confusion that you're experiencing is evidence that you need to stop, quiet your spirit, and just be with God for a while. There is always "work" to do for God, everywhere you go. Every chance you have to show kindness, to be helpful, to be encouraging, is a chance to do His work. I think a lot of Christians get preoccupied with wanting to do some big "important" thing for God, like going overseas or becoming a famous Christian musician or starting a church, and if it isn't truly God's plan to begin with, as Kylissa said, you're going to end up spinning your wheels in frustration, trying to make it happen on your own. There's also a certain arrogance (and I say that with love, and not just to you, but all of us) in pretending to be soooo humble and soooo submitted, that we want God to do something big and flashy with our lives, when in reality, we're bored and we want attention, acceptance, and affirmation. True service to God never craves being noticed. It would work just as passionately for its cause if no other human being ever knew about it.

Best wishes!

Elzic, stop it! You think "following God" equals leaving your husband? Where are you getting this theology from??

Elzic said:

I ebjoyed Africa but I'm so afraid. If I don't follow God I'm not His and I can'tchoose my hsband over God which is what I feel like I might be doing. The church is the bride of Christ and He never leaves or forsakes us but he does leave the 99 behind to find the one lost sheep. I love my hsband and I don't want to be withiut him but am I in turmoil because I am in the wrong place

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So wait you are married now?

God would not ask you to divorce your husband under any circumstances. God hates divorce.

If you where to choose to divorce or abandon your husband so that you can go to Africa you would not be choosing God but your own personal ambitions that you have chosen to re-frame as God's will.

God's voice is never clearer and more direct then it is in scripture. In scripture tells you that he hates divorce and that divorcing someone in the absence of them abandoning you or committing adultery is a sin.

God would not ask you to sin by abandoning your husband. The devil however would. If you are being pushed to abandon your husband and run off to Africa then you are being pushed by your own selfish ambitions or you are being pushed by the devil. But not by God.

If you are not married however then it sounds like you have your heart set upon going to Africa. And if that is so you should not marry him. But once you have married him, you have committed to spend the rest of your life with him. That means you go where the family goes.

Elzic said:

I have been really worried for a while about various things in my life lately. Before I was married I had the desire to go to Africa and work with orphans. The pictures of the children were so meaningful. I wondered if i was called. I didn't want to say I was if I wasn't. Anyway, I started dating a guy and we got engaged and I worried that I wasn't supposed to be with him. I would hear about giving up things for Jesus and everything. I also worried that I migh have made a vow not to marry so I worried there too. I tried to feel better because we said maybe we would go overseas together. At some point I even thought I would just marry hin and pray about it later. he is very good to me and his family is amazing. He is a Christian although he isn't as clos to God i would like him to be and he is having a lot of questions. I worried that god wanted us to divorce or hat He disn' consder our marriage valid if it would conflict if I said I wouldn't marry. Now Daniel wants to open a shelter here one day and I'm afraid God didn't want me to marry him because we might be called to do separate things and His plans don't change right? I thinks I can get a teaching overseas now and i'm afraid God is telling meto go without Daniel.

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I don't think it is right to divorce your husband over something like this. The vow to stay single is a big deal, but you aren't sure if you made it? The sermon on the Mount and the book of James warn against making these kind of vows. Both say 'swear not at all.' If you don't swear such oaths, you won't be guilty later.

It may comfort you to know that in the Old Testament, if a single woman made a vow, the day her father heard it, he could cancel it, and both would be guiltless. If she were married, her husband could do the same. But if the father or husband did not cancel it that day, she was obligated. If he canceled it on her later, he would be guilty as if he had violated the vow. If you hadn't told her father or husband about the vow, you could read that passage about husbands cancelling vows, then share your concern. Would that help your conscience some? Also, pray about this. If you have sinned in the past, sinning again wouldn't make things right. Marriage is a very serious thing.

You think you might have been called. You think you might have made a vow. But Paul in I Corinthians 7, very clearly relates a commandment of the Lord, "Let not the wife depart from her husband."

Maybe you made mistakes in the past. I've done that thing where I didn't pray because I was afraid God would tell me 'no' before. I won't go into the details, but I learned not to do that. You don't know that God would have said 'no', either. Jacob lied to his father Isaac, yet God still used that to give Jacob the blessing. It was already God's plan for the older to serve the younger from before their birth. Maybe the attitude of your heart was wrong.

Does your husband think the Lord may want him to open a shelter? (Is this a homeless shelter, or something for animals?) Does he relate the idea of opening the shelter somehow to the idea of loving his neighbor or something else the Lord commands? That sounds like a good thing. Just think about it. You are moved with the idea of helping the poor in Africa. If Daniel (who I assume is your husband) is wanting to help the poor where he is, you have a common ministry interest.

I don't know if you are called to Africa, but I do know it can take a while for a call to be fulfilled. It seems like aspects of mine are taking forever. I had to get a masters before getting my PhD, which I haven't finished yet. I'm not sure how long some of the other things will take to start happening. I met a man in his 70's who said he knew he was called to go overseas to do some things. If I remember right, he was a little old to start college, but he started from a bachelors and worked up through a PhD, knowing that some day he would go help with his degree overseas. It wasn't until he was already a senior citizen that he got the chance. He was in his 70's when I met him, and had a heart attack while working for a very low wage by western standards at a Christian university.

Keep praying for your husband and help him. If the shelter is for the poor, you can get used to helping the poor in your own country. Experience opening a shelter in the US will give you some useful experience and a level of credibility. In the future, if your husband does this sort of thing, he could see something that would move his heart for Africa, if that's the Lord's will. There are also short-term missions trips.

Elzic said:

Yes we are married. I find reassurance in what you are saying. It just feels like a crossroads. We are both losing our jobs and I believe I could get a teaching job in Africa but he got an interview for a job herand doesn't want to go to africa without a job and he wants to provide for me. I guess I think about the verses abot leaving everything for God, follow g his cmmandments, and putting Him first. I often find my hsband is at a place in my heart that maybe God should be. Also, I know that God is unchanging so I don't think marryig could change His plannfor me. I love my husband but don't want to put him before God. I know God's plan for a wife is to serve and aubmit to her husband. I just want to know how that would coincide if He wanted me overseas. Also, I want to put my role as a member of the vride of Christ before an earthky place.

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You can't allow yourself to believe in your own personal belief of "God wants me in Africa" over the clear words of scripture that tell you that you should not leave your husband.

I think personally that people make too much of a big deal and think far too much about what God wants them to do. God wants you to follow scripture, beyond that I think it's pretty much up to you. That isn't to say that being a missionary isn't a service to his kingdom. But God knows that some people are gonna step up and serve his kingdom (without being in a situation where it would cause them to sin.) anyways.

God wants you with your husband. Period. . . end of story. God didn't write in scripture that Elzic should go to Africa. But he did write in scripture that divorcing or abandoning one's spouse is a sin unless they abandoned you or committed adultery. That is what scripture says and that's what you should trust first. Not your own feelings about Africa.

Now there are lots of things you can do to serve God and stay with your husband. Perhaps you should consider those a little more closely.

On a personal note:

I find it odd that the people who think God wants them to do something it almost always involves going on overseas adventures. I rarely hear someone say that God wants them to work in a soup kitchen to help the poor.

I don't hear them saying that God wants them to volunteer or donate money to an organization that takes care of mentally disabled adults that the world has for the most part shunned.

I never hear about people saying that God wants them to go to a nursing home for a day or to some old lady's house to spend some time with her because her husband died, her kids are 500 miles away and she's so lonely that the highlight of her day is having a neighbor say hello to her because it just feels good to have someone acknowledge you exist and she just doesn't get that.

When I hear people talking about God wanting them to do something, it rarely involves the small and the mundane, right here and now I can serve God stuff. You know the stuff that doesn't get too much notice or really any notice except from the people who are being helped/served.

No the people who are usually so sure that God wants them to do something it almost always involves going overseas and being a missionary. Something they are sure to get a lot of notice for doing it and if not that at least a bit of adventure.

I'm not trying to beat you up. All of us could do more and we are by no means perfect. But there is a reason why I don't put a lot of trust in individuals convictions about what God wants them to do. Because the plans are always grand and big plans that are sure to get that person a lot of attention or at the very least give that person a sense of adventure. Not plans that involve helping or if nothing else spending time with the people that society chooses to forget about. And there are plenty of forgotten people in your area could go help right now if your desire to serve God is that strong.

There is nothing wrong with being a missionary in Africa. But why is it when God "wants" someone to do something it's either going on oversea's adventures or it's being a pastor?

Elzic, it's very simple.

Divorce w/o cause (adultery) is sin.
God hates sin.
God does not ask people to sin.
God would not ask you to divorce your husband.

There's your answer.

Elzic said:

Yes we are married. I find reassurance in what you are saying. It just feels like a crossroads. We are both losing our jobs and I believe I could get a teaching job in Africa but he got an interview for a job herand doesn't want to go to africa without a job and he wants to provide for me.

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I think you should be patient and pray about Africa. if God wants yout here, He can take you there the right way. Africa is a big place, and there is a lot variety across countries. In South Korea, the last I heard, an American with a four-year-degree could legally teach English there. If your husband would be open to teaching in Africa, there is a chance he could be qualified even if he is not a teacher in the US. For teaching English, the Southern Baptists used to have a SUREPTA program. I don't remember what that stood for. I sat in one some classes at a church near where i used to live, but had a teaching job overseas to get to before the course finished. What they taught was really good. I'd never been trained on how to speak to people who didn't know any English before that. There are online certificates to teach ESL/EFL. I have a friend who has no degree who taught in China just with a certificate to teach. If your husband doesn't want to do something like that in Africa, calm down and be patient.

I guess I think about the verses abot leaving everything for God, follow g his cmmandments, and putting Him first.

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Keep in mind there are some commandments about marriage, too. Those don't go out the window because you 'feel called.' I believe God can call people to do all kinds of things. But I also realize that the idea of 'the call' can be way overemphasized. The pastoral ministry is one case in point. Paul doesn't even list 'feeling called' or 'being called' in I Timothy 3 or Titus 1.

There are those who lose husbands or wives for the gospel. But consider the scenario Paul talks about in I Corinthians 7, "if the unbelieving depart." He advised the believer to stay with the unbeliever if the other was willing. But there is no talk of the believer leaving the other spouse. Paul commanded wives not to depart from their husbands and husbands not to put away their wives. And it wasn't just Paul. He said it was a commandment from the Lord. He didn't make an exception for one person feeling called to something and the other not. Besides, if you want to go minister and 'reproduce yourself' spiritually, you don't want to 'reproduce' a bunch of frivilous divorce all over Africa.

I often find my hsband is at a place in my heart that maybe God should be.

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Here's a question for you. Does a mission trip to Africa have a place in your heart that God should be in?

Also, I know that God is unchanging so I don't think marryig could change His plannfor me.

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God's plan for the saint is for the saint to be conformed to the image of Christ. What does the Bible talk about being 'called' to. It does talk about being called as an apostle. It does not talk about being called as a pastor. It does talk about being conformed to the image of Christ. Ephesians 5 shows us that marriage and the passage that says that two shall be one flesh speaks of Christ and the church. God wants the glory of Christ to be revealed through marriage.

If God has a plan for you, even if you weren't fully submitted to Him, couldn't he work out a plan for you that involved marriage? I don't agree that all the plans are set in stone. I was just reading Jeremiah 18 this morning. If a city or nation is disobedient, God can cancel the decree of blessing on that city or nation. if a city or nation repents, God can cancel the decree of evil that would come on that city or nation. You need to obey what God has commanded you for where you are here. If you did 'mess up the plan', then do what is right from here forward, including in your marriage. But sometimes you don't 'mess up the plan.' God knows if you are going to mess up, and can make it happen anyway.

Wasn't it rotten of Joseph's brothers to sell him into slavery. But like Joseph said, what they intended for evil, God meant for good. What Jacob did to his father, lying to him and tricking him, was evil, but didn't God use it to accomplish His purposes? Maybe you didn't pray and surrender your relationship with your husband to the Lord before accepting his proposal. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't work into God's plan.

And why is it that you believe that God wants you to go to Africa? Do you keep thinking about it? Do you feel like you should be there? Did you hear His voice, in your spirit, or audibly? Did an angel come and tell you to go to Africa? Are you more sure of that than the commandment of the Lord in the Bible not to leave your husband? Shouldn't you be more sure of the command in the Bible?

I love my husband but don't want to put him before God.

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Then don't, but don't put a 'call to Africa' above the Lord's commands concerning marriage.

I know God's plan for a wife is to serve and aubmit to her husband. I just want to know how that would coincide if He wanted me overseas. Also, I want to put my role as a member of the vride of Christ before an earthky place.

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If you believe God wants you overseas, pray He'll take you overseas, but obey Him along the way, and trust Him to direct your steps.

quotes of Elzic

I wondered if i was called

I worried that god wanted us to divorce

I worried that I wasn't supposed to be with him

I also worried that I migh have made a vow not to marry so I worried there too

I just want to know how that would coincide if He wanted me overseas.

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Your wondering and worrying so much tells me that you may not be getting all your thoughts from God.

God is not that undecided and worried. If God wants you to do something I doubt that He would have you in such a worried and unsure state.

Before I was married I had the desire to go to Africa and work with orphans. The pictures of the children were so meaningful.

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Well to be fair most people react to those pictures of orphans. It doens't mean its God calling us to go through. I've seen those images and feel drawn to go. It could simply be you just really want to desire to go and your confusing your desire with something you think is from God. Not that I can obviously say whats from God and want isn't of course.

I worried that god wanted us to divorce or hat He disn' consder our marriage valid if it would conflict if I said I wouldn't marry.

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Well to me that answers everything. God cannot tell you to divorce someone. Because that would be going against His own bible, which is His word. I was raised with if you want to know if Gods really telling you something, make sure it doesn't go against anything in the bible. Have you tried fasting about this? Its something I did before marrying my wife to make sure she was the one.

I thinks I can get a teaching overseas now and i'm afraid God is telling meto go without Daniel.

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I would say this sounds more reasonable. Assuming you don't divorce. There are missionaries where the one spouse is overseas. My own sister in law is in another country while her husband and daughter stay in her home country

If I don't follow God I'm not His and I can'tchoose my hsband over God which is what I feel like I might be doing.

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The bible never says your not Gods though if you don't follow Him. At least not with something as like this. We humans tend to give up on God, but He never gives up on us. Event the worst people in the world God holds out hope for.

I think everyone has given you good advice because the big issue seems to stem from what you feel God is/isn't telling you. Maybe you should talk to a pastor or as I said fast. Just to make sure its not your self making you feel bad like you need to go. Sometimes we can make very bad mistakes because we think every idea is from God. Do not forget the devil can lead us into traps and make us think God is telling us something.

So far overall everything your saying doesn't go with some of what the bible says. What denomination are you if you don't mins me asking? Do you go to church often?

You feel like you have to make a choice between going to Africa and staying with your husband. If God really wants you to go to Africa, he will make a way.

There are a lot of short term missions trips that people can go on that would not require leaving/divorcing a spouse. And short term trips can be just as meaningful as going overseas for an extended time.

Another idea is that if the OP feels like she wants to teach people from Africa, there is another option. She could teach them where she lives as new immigrants, or she could minister in other ways such as sponsoring an African family, adopting African children, or any number of other options. Might require some thinking outside the box, but there is no reason you can't work with African people and still be married.

I agree that keeping your marital commitments are important. However, I'm reminded of Moses, who was called to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, even though he was married to Zippah. I think she only visited him once during that 40-year Exodus. So I would say that in that case, he left his wife to follow God.

I think these may be the verses coming to mind, for the OP:

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” -Mark 10:21 (NIV)

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel 30 will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life. 31 But many who are first will be last, and the last first.” -Mark 10:29-31 (NIV)

I noticed that in that list of abandoned relatives, it doesn't specifically include spouse. I don't know if that is relevant or not.

ValleyGal said:

There are a lot of short term missions trips that people can go on that would not require leaving/divorcing a spouse. And short term trips can be just as meaningful as going overseas for an extended time.

Another idea is that if the OP feels like she wants to teach people from Africa, there is another option. She could teach them where she lives as new immigrants, or she could minister in other ways such as sponsoring an African family, adopting African children, or any number of other options. Might require some thinking outside the box, but there is no reason you can't work with African people and still be married.

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This.

You can also make contact with folks in Africa and work with different pastors in your target country to assist funding of their churches or specific missions they have... wells, vaccines, clothes.. you name it.

Support charities like Oxfam, Caritas, Bread for the world...

Skype and Google+ enables one to talk with individuals around the world. You can help teach English as a Second Language one on one.


There are tons of short-term missions in Africa. Jenny Rae Armstrong just got back recently from her trip to Kenya. You might can get some pointers from her.