Still walking

ImperatorWall · Dec 17, 2013

Over the past few months several local pastors have formed the opinion that something is mentally wrong with me because I think differently than most people. I've pretty much been told by every local church that would accept my beliefs that I'm not welcome as a member with them, to the point of the pastors telling me they don't want me talking to anyone else in the church.

This has been really painful, as I take all such statements very seriously and try diligently to identify anything I'm thinking or doing incorrectly. I've spent quite a bit of time crying instead of praying telling God that I'm sorry for being messed up, and that I cannot understand what I'm doing wrong.

At this point I don't expect I'll ever get married or have children, or ever even be allowed to participate in the Lord's Supper. But when I pray to God and say, "Without Your strength, I'm not going to be able to walk through this day," I find He gives me the peace and joy I need to keep walking.

redblue22 · Dec 17, 2013

feel free to tell more . . . . .

.

FearlessHeart · Dec 17, 2013

Hey man I really hate to hear this. I will pray for you. Have you thought of starting a home church?

jess9450 · Dec 17, 2013

ImperatorWall said:
Over the past few months several local pastors have formed the opinion that something is mentally wrong with me because I think differently than most people. I've pretty much been told by every local church that would accept my beliefs that I'm not welcome as a member with them, to the point of the pastors telling me they don't want me talking to anyone else in the church.

This has been really painful, as I take all such statements very seriously and try diligently to identify anything I'm thinking or doing incorrectly. I've spent quite a bit of time crying instead of praying telling God that I'm sorry for being messed up, and that I cannot understand what I'm doing wrong.

At this point I don't expect I'll ever get married or have children, or ever even be allowed to participate in the Lord's Supper. But when I pray to God and say, "Without Your strength, I'm not going to be able to walk through this day," I find He gives me the peace and joy I need to keep walking.

I'm really sorry that you're going through this

I don't really understand the reasoning behind the pastors' requests; are they sharing with you specifically what they think you are doing 'wrong'?

Going Merry · Dec 17, 2013

I am in same situation - except I handle it differently. I reject them they don't reject me. Take up a different mindset. You believe differently so you shouldn't be part of them.

Jupiter Drops · Dec 17, 2013

Was it you who posted a story about how you told the pastors that they were wrong?

PetLuv · Dec 18, 2013

Jupiter Drops said:
Was it you who posted a story about how you told the pastors that they were wrong?

Probably.

I recall several of the threads made by the OP here, asking for opinions and him fighting with/telling everyone who didn't feel as he did they don't know anything.

Neve · Dec 18, 2013

I thought OP was married with a kid - but maybe I'm confused......

ImperatorWall · Dec 18, 2013

FearlessHeart said:
Hey man I really hate to hear this. I will pray for you. Have you thought of starting a home church?

I love the Reformed church and its history too much to remove myself from it. I attend twice every Sunday even if they won't let me be a member or even talk to me.

jess9450 said:
I'm really sorry that you're going through this I don't really understand the reasoning behind the pastors' requests; are they sharing with you specifically what they think you are doing 'wrong'?

No, they are unable to tell me what I'm doing wrong. All I'm told is that I'm not normal, and that I need to try to be more normal, but they won't explain what normal is.

Jupiter Drops said:
Was it you who posted a story about how you told the pastors that they were wrong?

I don't recall posting a specific story about telling a pastor he was wrong, but I have no reservations about challenging error from anyone. A pastor last week tried to tell me that women have no place in the workforce and no business going to college, I very bluntly told him that his opinions could not be supported by Scripture.

Neve said:
I thought OP was married with a kid - but maybe I'm confused......

Nope, that's not me.

ImperatorWall · Dec 18, 2013

Going Merry said:
I am in same situation - except I handle it differently. I reject them they don't reject me. Take up a different mindset. You believe differently so you shouldn't be part of them.

I don't reject people, as I know how painful it is to be rejected.

RobertMerton · Dec 18, 2013

what is it that you believe that would make pastors treat you in this way.

Miss Spaulding · Dec 18, 2013

ImperatorWall said:
Over the past few months several local pastors have formed the opinion that something is mentally wrong with me because I think differently than most people. I've pretty much been told by every local church that would accept my beliefs that I'm not welcome as a member with them, to the point of the pastors telling me they don't want me talking to anyone else in the church.

This has been really painful, as I take all such statements very seriously and try diligently to identify anything I'm thinking or doing incorrectly. I've spent quite a bit of time crying instead of praying telling God that I'm sorry for being messed up, and that I cannot understand what I'm doing wrong.

At this point I don't expect I'll ever get married or have children, or ever even be allowed to participate in the Lord's Supper. But when I pray to God and say, "Without Your strength, I'm not going to be able to walk through this day," I find He gives me the peace and joy I need to keep walking.

You sadden me, Imperator. And I don't mean you annoy, disgust, or even weird me out. You just sadden me. You sadden me because your problem is so simple, but you cannot see that. Why? Because you are of such an advanced intellectual mind, that you literally cannot come down to such a simple level of thinking to fully understand it. I've never interacted with anyone whose similar case was as extreme as yours. You take the cake.

You and others like you think that you can find the solution to your problem in your head. You can't. This is mind boggling or even absurd to people like you, but it's the truth. You say you find peace and joy in Christ when you talk with Him and pray, and I believe this, because it's only with Him that we can find true joy and peace. The problem here isn't necessarily the churches you attend, the congregations you try to talk and interact with, or the pastors you speak to... it's you. Most of the problems you're speaking of I do believe you bring upon yourself by your own doing. Don't you think that it would have to be such a huge coincidence for every church you've attended, every church member, every pastor, ect...to be in the wrong? Every single time. Nobody is right that much. I'm not saying this to bring you down, only that you might consider.

You are not always going to be able to 'identify' the meaning or solution to every single thing. You just aren't. And that's OKAY. ...Not every problem (whether it involves yourself or another person) can simply be thought through. I think this is always your first and foremost method of solving any issue in your life, when turning and crying out to the Lord should always be the first thing you (and everyone) should do in time of crisis. It takes more than brain to function in life, Imperator...it takes some heart and spirit too.

Anyway. I know all of this sounds like a broken record. But when I really care about something, I keep saying what I feel I need to say, no matter how much it gets old to some people...perhaps even to you.

ImperatorWall · Dec 18, 2013

Spaulding, your tenacity makes me smile.

I don't know what people expect from me. I had trouble running tonight because the pain in my heart was so great that it felt physical. My mind does not work like yours, and I don't understand why that is such a problem. I get paid to spend ten hours a day building logical systems that cannot be broken. Systems that are used to produce the goods and products the world runs on. I can't switch off the way my brain works when I clock out. I enjoy finding systems in everything, and then manipulating variables to see what happens. This is what I do. This is who I am.

I don't want you, or anyone, to change; I like people the way they are. I just want to be allowed to be myself too.

I guess I'm glad that you feel so strongly about telling me how wrong I am.

Miss Spaulding said:
You sadden me, Imperator. And I don't mean you annoy, disgust, or even weird me out. You just sadden me. You sadden me because your problem is so simple, but you cannot see that. Why? Because you are of such an advanced intellectual mind, that you literally cannot come down to such a simple level of thinking to fully understand it. I've never interacted with anyone whose similar case was as extreme as yours. You take the cake.

You and others like you think that you can find the solution to your problem in your head. You can't. This is mind boggling or even absurd to people like you, but it's the truth. You say you find peace and joy in Christ when you talk with Him and pray, and I believe this, because it's only with Him that we can find true joy and peace. The problem here isn't necessarily the churches you attend, the congregations you try to talk and interact with, or the pastors you speak to... it's you. Most of the problems you're speaking of I do believe you bring upon yourself by your own doing. Don't you think that it would have to be such a huge coincidence for every church you've attended, every church member, every pastor, ect...to be in the wrong? Every single time. Nobody is right that much. I'm not saying this to bring you down, only that you might consider.

You are not always going to be able to 'identify' the meaning or solution to every single thing. You just aren't. And that's OKAY. ...Not every problem (whether it involves yourself or another person) can simply be thought through. I think this is always your first and foremost method of solving any issue in your life, when turning and crying out to the Lord should always be the first thing you (and everyone) should do in time of crisis. It takes more than brain to function in life, Imperator...it takes some heart and spirit too.

Anyway. I know all of this sounds like a broken record. But when I really care about something, I keep saying what I feel I need to say, no matter how much it gets old to some people...perhaps even to you.

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