Struggle with Christianity, can't have faith

JDepps said:

Please bare with me. I'm going to try and make a long, long story short. I grew up in a Christian home. Up until 15 or so I was a Christian. I gradually strayed away. I began dabbling with drugs at 17 and it spiraled out of control. My biggest issue was anxiety, mostly social anxiety. I have it bad. I don't like leaving my room let alone the house. I used drugs more so to cope with my anxiety than for the actual high. I'm 24 now. My anxiety is at an all time high. The past 3 years I've been on and off with prayer. Deep down I felt God existed but I never stuck with prayer and didn't give it much thought.

The past year a lot happened. First off I began looking into other theories of how we were created. It was like I was forcefully trying to disprove God. I think it was a mix between I didn't know if God really existed and me having extreme anger towards God because of my anxiety and depression. I want a normal life. I want to socialize. I want to be able to talk to someone and leave my house without drugs.

It wasn't until 5 months ago when I was arrested and went to jail for 30 days. I than confronted God with everything I had. I decided to make a sincere attempt at believing and trusting in God. After jail I went into year long Christian based rehab program. I put my heart into it. Read the Bible constantly, jotting down verses and asking God to relieve me of my anxiety. My anxiety got so severe I ended up leaving 2 months in. Luckily my sister took me in because I was going to be homeless. But I screwed up, relapsed, and she couldn't allow me to stay there. My last resort was my dad who left my mom when I was young. I never talk to him and didn't want too but I called and he let me stay with him.

I'm about back to square one. I don't know if God exists or not. I put my all into seeking God. I have over 30 verses written down about anxiety and how God will answer your prayers and look out for you. I never received an answer. I'm not expecting my anxiety to be cured overnight. All I want is a response. A sign that he is truly listening. I'm trying so hard to have faith and believe but I just can't. I read these verses and it gives me doubt. I've been praying with all my heart and giving it my all but He doesn't respond like He says in these verses.

What Does the Bible Say About Answered Prayer?

All I ask is God to let me know He is there. I don't know what to do. My anxiety is so severe I wan't to die. I don't see any future in my life. I'm not suicidal because I'm scared of death but I don't want to live and feel like I can't live with this anxiety anymore, it's unbearable. I'm trying so hard to have faith but I just can't. When I read the Old Testament it almost draws me further away besides a few chapters like Psalms and Proverbs. It sounds like a fairy tale. Some of the stories seem so far out and ridiculous to me that it draws me further away. I haven't really been praying or reading the Bible as of late. It's like I want too but can't because I feel it's pointless. It's all I've been doing the past 5-6 months and I got nothing out of it. If anything I've worsened.

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Stop focusing on yourself and focus on Him. That is the only answer there is. I would imagine it might not be the answer you want. I don't wish you to stop trying to find Him; however, He works on His own time and not on anyone else's. We wait on the Lord. God-centered faith is the only faith that has answers; human-centered faith will leave someone always wanting.

JDepps said:

Please bare with me. I'm going to try and make a long, long story short. I grew up in a Christian home. Up until 15 or so I was a Christian. I gradually strayed away. I began dabbling with drugs at 17 and it spiraled out of control. My biggest issue was anxiety, mostly social anxiety. I have it bad. I don't like leaving my room let alone the house. I used drugs more so to cope with my anxiety than for the actual high. I'm 24 now. My anxiety is at an all time high. The past 3 years I've been on and off with prayer. Deep down I felt God existed but I never stuck with prayer and didn't give it much thought.

The past year a lot happened. First off I began looking into other theories of how we were created. It was like I was forcefully trying to disprove God. I think it was a mix between I didn't know if God really existed and me having extreme anger towards God because of my anxiety and depression. I want a normal life. I want to socialize. I want to be able to talk to someone and leave my house without drugs.

It wasn't until 5 months ago when I was arrested and went to jail for 30 days. I than confronted God with everything I had. I decided to make a sincere attempt at believing and trusting in God. After jail I went into year long Christian based rehab program. I put my heart into it. Read the Bible constantly, jotting down verses and asking God to relieve me of my anxiety. My anxiety got so severe I ended up leaving 2 months in. Luckily my sister took me in because I was going to be homeless. But I screwed up, relapsed, and she couldn't allow me to stay there. My last resort was my dad who left my mom when I was young. I never talk to him and didn't want too but I called and he let me stay with him.

I'm about back to square one. I don't know if God exists or not. I put my all into seeking God. I have over 30 verses written down about anxiety and how God will answer your prayers and look out for you. I never received an answer. I'm not expecting my anxiety to be cured overnight. All I want is a response. A sign that he is truly listening. I'm trying so hard to have faith and believe but I just can't. I read these verses and it gives me doubt. I've been praying with all my heart and giving it my all but He doesn't respond like He says in these verses.

What Does the Bible Say About Answered Prayer?

All I ask is God to let me know He is there. I don't know what to do. My anxiety is so severe I wan't to die. I don't see any future in my life. I'm not suicidal because I'm scared of death but I don't want to live and feel like I can't live with this anxiety anymore, it's unbearable. I'm trying so hard to have faith but I just can't. When I read the Old Testament it almost draws me further away besides a few chapters like Psalms and Proverbs. It sounds like a fairy tale. Some of the stories seem so far out and ridiculous to me that it draws me further away. I haven't really been praying or reading the Bible as of late. It's like I want too but can't because I feel it's pointless. It's all I've been doing the past 5-6 months and I got nothing out of it. If anything I've worsened.

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First off... I'm probably the last Christian to be giving counsel here, but I have a little experience with a lot of what you're going through. In no special order, challenge the Bible. Question it, don't be afraid to validate your Faith, but do it honestly. World Created in 6 days and you question it... OK But what is the most important message from a book that is a compilation of interpretations? There alone is message in the Bible. I'm not a scripturist... its too tedious for me, but the Bible gives you meaning for LIFE. If we were make in 6 days, by whose definition? Is it man? We can't understand the magnitude of the Universe, of which we are a part of. You know that we are, according to those who study this stuff, absolutely in the right place at the right time.... in the scheme of the entire universe that is something. Fortuitous.

I'm probably a pantheist. This makes me a bad Christian, so take the rest with a grain of salt, but it is what solidifies my FAITH IN A CREATOR. I can see God in almost everything I look at. When you look at nature, you have to maybe take a look at our existence. Fortuitous. Conditions just right for LIFE! Then when you look at LIFE, its form, functions, duties, benefits, and purpose, you have all these "fortuitous" events and conditions coming together. Atheists and non-believers tell you there is no evidence of a Creator. I can look out my window, that is why I'm referred to by some as a pantheist, I believe that God permeates.

Intelligent Design. I depart from the Christian version of Intelligent Design as well, but it was my minister as a kid who introduced me to it and though he doesn't discount evolution, and neither do I, it shows that Evolution is itself is Intelligent Designs greatest showcase.... Nuts huh... Intelligent Design is the only way LIFE evolved. Time and mutation doesn't answer the why and how things evolved. An animal leaving the sea has to have a plan. A bird that needs a new beak for specialized duty, has to have a blue print. If you question mutation and time, as evolutionists insist, think about it... Mutations happen independently of society. So one mutation, a positive mutation say, then the passing down of genes etc... one generation at a time... anyway you get it... and we started they say by splitting.... and not to get off course here.. but how did chaotically we develop a penis and vagina? Man.. we are a combining of chromosomes. A mutation! Ok... I accept that.... but it would have happened to only one. So, say Adam. How could a second mutation... evolve only now female. How did they find each other... and who raised them... the ape? I don't doubt the mutation, but I doubt it wasn't planned. Intelligent Design allows for these changes to happen when it's time. God's plan or God's GIFT either way, it doesn't support the Atheist rendering of LIFE.

Seeking God are you... in my opinion, start with that. Do we have a Creator. Be honest in your discovery and forget the background fog you run into everyday. Don't think about Gods mission in YOUR LIFE, think about is there a CREATOR! The rest will follow that discovery.... you know... Trickle Down...

I am sorry to hear about your struggles. I don't have much to say but keep praying and I am going to take a few minutes right now and pray for you as well. Keep petitioning God, I have no doubt his delaying in answering you to refine you. This life is not about our comfort it is about giving it all up to serve God now, this is a hard world and it is a difficult place to find pleasure in much of the time, he keeps us here however not for punishment sake, but because he has work for us to do, a calling and a purpose to serve to reflect him to the world around us in whatever ways we can, even if in our own perspective those ways are minuscule. The after life is the time to rest, to enjoy. In keeping that perspective we can find joy and pleasure from time to time in doing his will.

Peace and blessings to you, find fulfillment in his call and I pray he will relieve you of some of your suffering so that you can go back to fulfilling your call.

JDepps said:

What Does the Bible Say About Answered Prayer?

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You need to become a believer first.

The stronger your faith, the more effective the prayer.

JDepps said:

Please bare with me. I'm going to try and make a long, long story short. I grew up in a Christian home. Up until 15 or so I was a Christian. I gradually strayed away. I began dabbling with drugs at 17 and it spiraled out of control. My biggest issue was anxiety, mostly social anxiety. I have it bad. I don't like leaving my room let alone the house. I used drugs more so to cope with my anxiety than for the actual high. I'm 24 now. My anxiety is at an all time high. The past 3 years I've been on and off with prayer. Deep down I felt God existed but I never stuck with prayer and didn't give it much thought.

The past year a lot happened. First off I began looking into other theories of how we were created. It was like I was forcefully trying to disprove God. I think it was a mix between I didn't know if God really existed and me having extreme anger towards God because of my anxiety and depression. I want a normal life. I want to socialize. I want to be able to talk to someone and leave my house without drugs.

It wasn't until 5 months ago when I was arrested and went to jail for 30 days. I than confronted God with everything I had. I decided to make a sincere attempt at believing and trusting in God. After jail I went into year long Christian based rehab program. I put my heart into it. Read the Bible constantly, jotting down verses and asking God to relieve me of my anxiety. My anxiety got so severe I ended up leaving 2 months in. Luckily my sister took me in because I was going to be homeless. But I screwed up, relapsed, and she couldn't allow me to stay there. My last resort was my dad who left my mom when I was young. I never talk to him and didn't want too but I called and he let me stay with him.

I'm about back to square one. I don't know if God exists or not. I put my all into seeking God. I have over 30 verses written down about anxiety and how God will answer your prayers and look out for you. I never received an answer. I'm not expecting my anxiety to be cured overnight. All I want is a response. A sign that he is truly listening. I'm trying so hard to have faith and believe but I just can't. I read these verses and it gives me doubt. I've been praying with all my heart and giving it my all but He doesn't respond like He says in these verses.

What Does the Bible Say About Answered Prayer?

All I ask is God to let me know He is there. I don't know what to do. My anxiety is so severe I wan't to die. I don't see any future in my life. I'm not suicidal because I'm scared of death but I don't want to live and feel like I can't live with this anxiety anymore, it's unbearable. I'm trying so hard to have faith but I just can't. When I read the Old Testament it almost draws me further away besides a few chapters like Psalms and Proverbs. It sounds like a fairy tale. Some of the stories seem so far out and ridiculous to me that it draws me further away. I haven't really been praying or reading the Bible as of late. It's like I want too but can't because I feel it's pointless. It's all I've been doing the past 5-6 months and I got nothing out of it. If anything I've worsened.

Click to expand...

Don't give up hope. I was lucky enough to have God communicate with me so I know he or "it" exists. Don't let your anger and bitterness consume you.

I think you sound overwhelmed. Take a methodical approach. Begin with the main question. Would you trust Jesus to give you eternal life instead of eternal destruction? That puts you only one question away from having it now! All there is after that is a lifetime of learning more about the life you have in Him. That is faith

Maybe you should focus on working on your anxiety and less on religious questions? Sometimes the religious questions become clearer when we take care of ourselves first. Taking care of ourselves means not just doing what we like to do, but doing things that genuinely benefit us. Drugs usually are not good for that.

Meditation is good to try to deal with anxiety, and it might also help you develop intuition. It isn't necessarily a religious practice, either. Jungian psychoanalysis and working with the subconscious can also be useful- they have been useful in points in my life where I have hit rock bottom and was not attending church- too alienated and hurt by people to bother. Pay attention to your dreams during sleep, they tell you things about what you are and where you are going.

In short you have to believe in yourself. If you don't believe in your own capacity to find answers these sorts of questions will be perplexing for a long time. You also have to be willing to put aside sacred cows and find God or the Truth wherever you need to look.