I don't want to settle for a guy but don't want to be too picky..Help?

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Elizabeth21

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Apr 19, 2013
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So, me and my ex broke up in April. I'm 18 and he's 17 and we dated over a year. We were each other's first. I cared for him a lot but I guess he just didn't think I was for him and he really wasn't. I need a MAN and not a boy. I want to be taken care of instead of wearing the pants. I now know what I want in a guy but idk how to tell if I'm waiting for something I'll never get.

Like everyone says this guy who I'm friends with is perfect for me. At first I thought he liked me but I don't think he does or he just gave up on me cause I didn't show a whole lot interest in him. I just don't feel that loving feeling with him but I'm comfortable around him and love hugging and talking to him. The only thing is that he's going away to school and then the military. And he just turned 18 and I'm trying to stay away from younger guys since I had a bad experience with that. And right now idk when I'd see my boyfriend cause time kind of ruined my last relationship. He saw me like once or twice a week because he was so busy but his new gf (my "friend") is okay with that. I wasn't cause he didn't give effort in that time apart. I hated being a part time gf. I want a mature relationship.

I'm still young so I know I have time to find the right guy but I don't want to pass the one by thinking too much into it. I feel like I should tho cause I'm trying to avoid a lot of break ups. I take relationships seriously and I don't want to keep giving pieces of my heart away cause I feel like I fall fast for a guy. :/ I want to be adored by my next guy and not pushed to the side. Idk how long to wait. Advice?
 
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JoshuaDunand

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Wow awesome question! I'm 18 as well and I had bad relationships that left me bitter sweet towards the whole dating scene. I was eager to meet the right girl but more eager than ever to serve God in everything I did. I gave it all to God, and fully invested myself in prayer, and I set aside what I wanted (that one girl) and asked Him to work in me to help me better focus on what God wanted to do through me instead of selfishly seeking my own desires, even thought wanting that special someone is perfect natural. A matter of months passed and God introduced that girl into my life (profile pic haha) completely unexpectedly and I searched God for affirmation that it was His will, after all the real question was can I better serve God single, or with her?
From my honest experience, you can't invest yourself fully into someone unless your completely invested in God first. Never go into a relationship unless you have full affirmation and there are no doubts in your mind. If it's God will He will make you fully aware of it. Not to mention we're both still so young, all your focus should be right now is to serve God to the best of your ability, when the time is right God will make it known to you.

Message me if you have any further questions, I'll answer them the best I can! Many blessings!
 
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TheDag

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You can't control others and you can't control every situation but you can control yourself. Work on being the best person you can be in God. What does God want you to do right now. Seek first his kingdom. That is what I did and that is what my wife found so attractive about me. I would always examine myself to see if I needed to change or not. I got help from others to do that because I can be biased and think I'm in the right when close friends outside the situation can easily see I am wrong! of course this does not guarantee no heartbreak. God can want two people to be together but we can ignore God's will and go against it. As I said you only have control over yourself and how you act and respond to things.
 
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parsley

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A lot of break ups is better than no breakup from an abusive partner.

Dating can seem like a candy store, where there are so many cool choices and some licorice mixed in, but the whole scene is scrumptious. Once you make that choice though, the other choices are off limits.

During that shopping time, there's competition -- hey I wanted that one -- and you feel like you're missing out if someone else is having a better time.

But remember that these things happen when looking for guys, not after you've settled on someone. Hopefully.

Once you have chosen a lifelong friend and partner, you have to live with him! If he's a jerk now and dating two people at once, will he be any better when you are five months pregnant and not your peppy self? For better or worse.

If he is too cool to respect teachers, what will he say when you ask him to share in ten-time-per-day diaper changing?

Many women want to overlook flaws, and see the best in a person... be willing to sacrifice. But you're also not stupid -- sacrifice means you get stuck doing all the dirty work, so he can remain his charming self. That is not a partnership, and clearly not sustainable.

So be smart. Sometimes the huggable friend is a lot easier to live with than the hot item.
 
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CounselorForChrist

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I was always wanting to date someone. BUt as the years went by and my heart got hurt I ended up finding someone at 30 that I married. Point is best to focus on the rest of your life for now. Then around 25 look again. Its the age when we tend to mature the most. At that stage we actually know what we want in life. At 17/18 like you two, you may think you know what you want in life but you don't. A year from now what you want will change again. Same at 19, 20, 21...etc.

Mind you I didn't believe anyone when they gave me this advice. I thought "Yeah whatever. I'm not like you adults!". Typical teen/young adult who though I knew better of course lol. If I would have known they are right I would have focused more on my life then looked for someone later in life. ^_^
 
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rocklife

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Autumnleaf said:
If you find a good guy when you are young then that is best. That age is best which is the first, and while ye may go marry. For having once but lost your prime ye may forever tarry.
Click to expand...

terrible advice here and a few other comments. I hope you listen to good advice.
 
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Near

Near

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Im 20, pretth much a loner since kindergarden.
Be like me, put aside your feelings and be alone.
Get into the scriptures, and live holy.
Never sin, do what's right. Yes, it can be done.

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works. “Assuredly, I say to you, there are some standing here who shall not taste death till they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom.” (Matthew 16:24-28 NKJV)
 
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