Which parent is responsible for spanking their children?

TheDag

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Spanked her for what? Was she just distracted, not intentionally disobeying? Or was she belligerently ignoring her mother? If the former, there's no reason for spanking! Walk over and get in her line of vision. Take her hand or her face and gently turn her towards you. If the child was just being bratty and stubborn, I still wouldn't have spanked, I would've taken her aside and told her that her behavior was unacceptable and not to do it again. If she persisted, she'd be in her room for the rest of the day (assuming she's an older child), with no access to toys or electronics, she'd be sitting on her bed, door open.

Sometimes I'm baffled that parents seem to forget that they're bigger, stronger, and smarter than their kids. You don't negotiate with kids, you give instructions, and they obey, or there are immediate consequences. I never counted to ten with my son. I never counted to three. I'd tell him "I'm counting to ONE..." and that was all it took lol.
I'm glad it works for you. Just be aware there is no one size fits all solution . Having worked with kids I have seen that what works with one does not necessarily work with another in an identical situation. As one friend of mine says if he wants his child to do a task he must reward him before the task otherwise it will not be done. If he rewards him before the task it will get done. Of course with most kids if you give them the rewards you have no chance of getting them to do the task after.
 
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TheDag

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God does not "spank" us. He teaches us, forgives us, and corrects us. Much different.
So God never sent people out to wander around the desert until an entire generation were dead. Got it. Any other things in the bible you don't believe to be true? Of course we can look in Acts and see how God struck two people dead for telling a lie if you want a NT example. Yes God corrects and rebukes but does not mean he does not punish.
 
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Hetta

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The bible doesn't require parents to spank their children, it requires them to raise them by biblical standards, which spanking isn't part of. Some parents just feel that spanking raises good kids. Good parenting raises good kids.
:thumbsup:
 
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BFine

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Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.

The rod mentioned here is a long thin stick and
or "switch" that is used to deliver a small amount
of physical punishment.

*The Old Testament uses primarily three Hebrew words to refer to a wooden stick:

Maqqel refers to a tree branch that has been transformed into a riding crop (Numbers 22:27), a shepherd’s staff (1 Samuel 17:40—which Goliath called a “stave” or “stick”—vs. 43), or a weapon of war (Ezekiel 39:9—“javelin” in the NKJV). It is also used as a symbol of dominion (e.g., Jeremiah 48:17—where it occurs in synonymous parallelism with matteh), and in its natural state as a branch of a poplar, chestnut, or almond tree (Genesis 30:37; Jeremiah 1:11) [see Harris, et al., 1980, 1:524; Botterweck, et al., 1997, 8:548-550].

Matteh occurs 252 times and is used to refer to a branch, stick, stem, rod, shaft, staff, and most often a tribe (some 180 times). It can refer to a stick used to beat out cumin/grain (Isaiah 28:27), a soldier’s spear (1 Samuel 14:27), as well as the shaft of an arrow (Habakkuk 3:9,14) [Botterweck, et al., 8:241; Gesenius, 1847, pp. 466-467].

Shevet, the word used in Proverbs, refers to a staff, stick, rod, scepter, and tribe. Gesenius defined it as “a staff, stick, rod” and then showed how it is translated differently in accordance with the use to which it was put, whether for beating, striking, chastening (Isaiah 10:5,15), a shepherd’s crook (Leviticus 27:32; Psalm 34:4), a king’s scepter (Genesis 49:10; Amos 1:5,8), a tribe (Judges 20:2), a measuring rod, or a spear (2 Samuel 18:14) [p. 801; cf. Harris, et al., 2:897].

Matteh and shevet are used together in Ezekiel 19:10-14 to refer to fresh tree branches. They are used in synonymous parallelism in Isaiah 28:27 as a stick used to beat out cumin/grain: “But the black cumin is beaten out with a stick (matteh), and the cumin with a rod (shevet).” They are unquestionably synonyms. If any distinction can be made between them, it is that matteh is not used to refer to a scepter (see Harris, et al., 2:897; although Gesenius, pp. 466-467).

However, both are used to refer to a stick or rod. In fact, shevet is specifically referred to as a rod used for beating a human being: “And if a man beats his servant or his maidservant with a rod…” (Exodus 21:20). As Isaacs noted: “The Heb[rew] shebhet is the ordinary word for rod or club” (1959, 4:2702; cf. McClintock and Strong, 1880, 9:57-58,401).

In addition to the verses in Proverbs that refer specifically to spanking a child, several additional verses verify that literal striking of the body with a wooden stick is envisioned. For example, “Wisdom is found on the lips of him who has understanding, but a rod is for the back of him who is devoid of understanding” (Proverbs 10:13).

“A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the fool’s back” (Proverbs 26:3). Obviously, the “rod” is as literal as the “whip” and “bridle.”
The Psalmist declared: “Then I will visit their transgression with the rod, and their iniquity with stripes” (Psalm 89:32). Though speaking figuratively, the Psalmist aligned “rod” with “stripes.” In passages where the term “rod” is used figuratively, the figurative use presupposes the literal meaning (e.g., Job 9:34; 21:9; Isaiah 10:24; 11:4; 14:29; 30:31; Lamentations 3:1; Micah 5:1).

A proper balance is obviously needed between verbal reproof/encouragement on the one hand, and the application of corporal punishment on the other-- The immense importance of the interplay between positive instruction, encouragement, and nurturing, in conjunction with appropriate physical punishment, cannot be overestimated nor successfully discounted.

References: Adeney, W.F. (1950 reprint), The Pulpit Commentary—Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, ed. Spence, H.D.M. and J.S. Exell (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans).

Botterweck, G. Johannes, Helmer Ringgren, and Heinz-Josef Fabry, eds. (1997), Theological Dictionary of the Old Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans).

Funderburk, G.B. (1976), “Rod,” The Zondervan Pictorial Encyclopedia of the Bible, ed. Merrill Tenney (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan), 5:132-133.

Gesenius, William (1847), Hebrew-Chaldee Lexicon to the Old Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker), 1979 reprint.

Harris, R. Laird, Gleason Archer, Jr. and Bruce Waltke, eds. (1980), Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (Chicago, IL: Moody).

Isaacs, Nathan (1956), “Sceptre,” International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, ed. James Orr (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans), 4:2701-2702.

May, Herbert and Bruce Metzger (1965), The Oxford Annotated Bible With the Apocrypha (New York, NY: Oxford University Press).

McClintock, John and James Strong (1880), Cyclopedia of Biblical, Theological, and Ecclesiastical Literature (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 1970 reprint).

Orr, James (1959), “Rod,” International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, ed. James Orr (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans), 4:2596.
 
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Hetta

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A proper balance is obviously needed between verbal reproof/encouragement on the one hand, and the application of corporal punishment on the other-- The immense importance of the interplay between positive instruction, encouragement, and nurturing, in conjunction with appropriate physical punishment, cannot be overestimated nor successfully discounted.
It can be very successfully discounted by those who did not use physical punishment and yet turned out productive, good and godly children.
 
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CounselorForChrist

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I have always hated this topic because some people consider spanking to be abuse simply because on their past as a child. Someone who "hits" their child is all the time is abused. Someone who seldomly "spanks" their child. Like lets say once a month is not abusing them. People need to realize there is a difference.

Also those who tend to be against even a small spanking or the very reasons american youth are so rebellious, immoral and uncaring today. We are taught to be their friends and not a parents. Therefor we end up created monsters down the road. When I used to play games online with sometimes kids, I could hear their mother walk in the room and say "Dinners ready, lets eat. Get off of there!". The kids respond like "Shut the <bleep> up <bleep>!".

Really?!? If I had said that to my mother I would have gotten a spanking. Today we either be their friend and give them things so they listen or we simply yell back or put up with it. Such a bunch of junk. Its yet another reason I don't want to have a child in america. Freedom is not as available as we think it is when our children have to be raised the government says they have to be.
 
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Hetta

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Also those who tend to be against even a small spanking or the very reasons american youth are so rebellious, immoral and uncaring today. We are taught to be their friends and not a parents. Therefor we end up created monsters down the road. When I used to play games online with sometimes kids, I could hear their mother walk in the room and say "Dinners ready, lets eat. Get off of there!". The kids respond like "Shut the <bleep> up <bleep>!".
Maybe people you know have created "monsters", but the parents I know, and myself and my husband have not. I have my eldest kid about to go into law enforcement, and he's as straight as straight can be - despite never being spanked once in his life. Another will go to medical school and is also a straight arrow with fantastic grades. I don't have one single "problem child" out of the whole bunch. Minor indiscretions of course. No kid is perfect, and hitting them won't make them perfect, but never one serious problem, and never ever a child who hit me or cursed at me.

What some people don't understand is that you can discipline kids without hitting them. All you have to do is not be lazy and think that slapping is the be all and end all of discipline. So easy, just WHACK, done deal, just taught my kid to be "good". Uh, no. If anyone ever, ever watches a show like Supernanny, they will in fact see that the slappers get kids who slap back. The ones who curse and slap get kids who curse back and slap back. That's the way it goes. You can see it clear as a bell every single time. Cause -> effect.

And I AM my kids' friend and their advocate as well as their protector and their discipliner and their mom. You can wear more than one hat as a parent. Only people who don't know how to parent don't know these things.
 
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D

Dunban

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I have always hated this topic because some people consider spanking to be abuse simply because on their past as a child. Someone who "hits" their child is all the time is abused. Someone who seldomly "spanks" their child. Like lets say once a month is not abusing them. People need to realize there is a difference.

Also those who tend to be against even a small spanking or the very reasons american youth are so rebellious, immoral and uncaring today. We are taught to be their friends and not a parents. Therefor we end up created monsters down the road. When I used to play games online with sometimes kids, I could hear their mother walk in the room and say "Dinners ready, lets eat. Get off of there!". The kids respond like "Shut the <bleep> up <bleep>!".

Really?!? If I had said that to my mother I would have gotten a spanking. Today we either be their friend and give them things so they listen or we simply yell back or put up with it. Such a bunch of junk. Its yet another reason I don't want to have a child in america. Freedom is not as available as we think it is when our children have to be raised the government says they have to be.

In my country it is.

Although I'm not a parent. I'd like to say I'd never hit my kids and I don't intend to, but if someone told me to shut the f*** up, it wouldn't end well for them. I'd like to hope my kids are smarter than to mouth off to me like that. They'll be taught manners, something most modern kids know nothing about, from the time they're out of the womb.
 
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ValleyGal

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:thumbsup:

This is precisely why we have said authorities. To take away abused children from unfit parents. :)

I used to work in child protection. It is important for parents to contact their state authorities or legislation to see what the guidelines are for spanking. Where I live, it is allowed only with an open hand on the buttocks and will not leave a mark (the red should disappear within five minutes), and when other measures of discipline have been exhausted.

Children absolutely do need protection from people who abuse their position as a parent, but not all parents who spank are considered abusers. It needs to be done properly - if at all. Personally, I am an advocate of not at all.
 
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TheDag

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Wandering in the desert is a spanking??? lol! No, it was a discipline - a logical consequence, yes, but not a spanking. God does not spank his people.
your doing nothing but playing word games here. Spanking is a form of discipline. God disciplines. Nobody in this thread ever claimed God literally comes down and smacks your backside with his hand. Yes someone said God has spanked them but it was not a literal spanking. Wandering the desert is not a natural consequence of idolatry and rebellion. A natural consequence would be if you were to jump off a 40 storey building then you will die when you hit the ground. That is a natural consequence.
 
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TheDag

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It can be very successfully discounted by those who did not use physical punishment and yet turned out productive, good and godly children.
No not really. There are plenty of kids not punished with spanking who turn out to be spoiled brats or misbehaving people who don't know when to stop. Just like there are kids who have been spanked who turn out to be productive, good and godly children. So both methods produce the same result and as such can not be considered proof that one way is better than the other.


What some people don't understand is that you can discipline kids without hitting them. All you have to do is not be lazy and think that slapping is the be all and end all of discipline. So easy, just WHACK, done deal, just taught my kid to be "good". Uh, no. If anyone ever, ever watches a show like Supernanny, they will in fact see that the slappers get kids who slap back. The ones who curse and slap get kids who curse back and slap back. That's the way it goes. You can see it clear as a bell every single time. Cause -> effect.
This is the main problem with people who argue the way you do. You go around ignoring what people say and instead work from your own assumptions which are incorrect. Most who use spanking do not use it as a first and last method. Sure some do. However for you to assume that all do despite people having said otherwise says more about your character than anything else.

Shows like Supernanny are a bad example as it deals with an extreme. One should never use the extreme as a typical example.
 
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Hetta

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Hey guys, remember that this is Christian Advice...no debating and if you tripped the profanity filter or bypassed it, you should really consider editing your post :)
Oka, I had forgotten it was an advice thread. Sorry OP.

My advice remains: neither parent should spank. You are both responsible for finding other ways to correct your children. I don't know how old your kids are, but if they are babies, you are in good time to get your methods of correction decided. If they are older, then you should hurry up and make that decision, and then you should both be on the same page and be 100% consistent. Consistency is the rule in raising children i.e. not dad saying one day something is okay and the next day mom says it is not okay. You and your spouse should draw up house rules, and consistently enforce them.
 
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