Hi Pink Spider! Welcome to CF! I have had a quick look into your posts and it is because of your humility and seemingly genuine interest in the faith that I want to just point two things out to you that may have been missed by others here:
http://www.christianforums.com/t7753557-8/#post63361517
Recursion of scriptural affirmation - you mentioned this twice. First thing I can see is you are considering the bible to be an absolute entity, which in the strictest terms is not a bad thing. But, you are letting your disdain of this concept influence your respect of it's content. It is important to realize that the bible consists of many writings - 'scriptures'. In the days before the printing press, these scriptures were copied by hand and thus, various collections of scriptures existed and some owner's would have collections that certainly would not have contained all the scriptures of the bible and vice-versa, some people studied scriptures that were not officially compiled into the bible. In fact this is still the case, depending who we are referencing. So this means that the scriptures have to be considered by merit of their context. The context of the scriptures varies a lot, from testimony to advice to poetry to history and probably more. What I'm getting to here is that the testimonies of Jesus' witnesses contains direct references to Jesus' words, and since Jesus is understood to be the eternal Word of God made flesh, we can therefore scrutinize what He says to see whether what He says is true or false. In order to do this, you need to consult God for His spiritual affirmation. Jesus said in John 5:39-40
You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.
Now, it is my belief that when we read the bible, God speaks to us. It is also my belief that when this happens, we sometimes choose not to trust what He says. I am sure, even with your Atheist beliefs, that when you read this verse you can hear God speaking to you. It is therefore your decision whether to trust what He is saying or to trust some other idea. Whichever decision you make about this, I think you would do good service to investigate why you might believe one or the other.
My second comment is regarding your question here:
http://www.christianforums.com/t7753557-9/#post63364027
How to obtain spiritual affirmation. Again, I will refer to the words of Jesus, who in John 3:8 is quoted as having said:
The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.
So it is clear from this verse that salvation is not something we can achieve by studying scriptures or making vows. In fact it is only something that God can offer, and when God offers salvation there is no confusion about what it means. The reality of such an encounter is what causes a person to accept His grace. This is not meant to say that you should stop studying the scriptures, because God has recorded the necessary knowledge to us in these texts that enables us to make the decision based upon the most reliable information available - that is the testimonies and thoughts of those who He has revealed Himself to. There's also not much stopping a person from asking God for salvation, mostly it is pride and greed that stop a person, but the specific reasons are so personal that many people face a real, personal struggle with their enemy. Likewise, for as many people are Christian, there are just as many perspectives on Christianity, as I can see you have encountered with due perplexity
So, it is nice to have met you here, I hope you find these comments relevant and helpful to understand the Christian faith a bit better. I'd like to see how you respond to these thoughts, and thereafter I may offer to pray with you, is that something that you would consider ok?