Break up & purity help

Jzu1991 said:

Hi all,

As of late, i've been really bothered by character related issues that I think he has, some of which will be very difficult to change as he doesn't regard them as high priority as I do. This has lead me to have many serious talks with him about the possibility of breaking up if these things aren't addressed.

Many godly people around us have told me that we are not good for each other, and there are loud warning bells going off in my head too.


Because of our physical track record with each other, should this factor into my decision whether to break up or not? Should the fact that we have been sexually immoral together hold me responsible to stay in this relationship and eventually marry him, even though these problems I see now will possibly result in a dysfunctional relationship/marriage? What is your opinion? What does God think of this?

Thanks

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Short answer, no. You're sin should not bind you to your BF. You've been forgiven. You've repented. The slate is clean with God. If you stay with him it should be because you believe it's a good decision for you. If you're looking for marriage ask yourself if this is the kind of man you want to be bound to for life.

Is there any other reason you want to remain with your BF besides the past sin?

You have NO obligation to marry him. As was stated above, your slate has been wiped clean. If bells are going off in your head, perhaps it's time to end it and find the man God has for you.

Seriously it annoys me sometimes when the church tends to rank sexual sins above all else. Because you gave in to your physical desires means that if you marry him, you two will have a dysfunctional marriage?!! wow...i'm shocked at the way older ones advise us less experienced ones and make us feel so sinful and unworthy argh

Anyways, I'm talking from experience...because I used to bash myself over the head for falling short time and time again in the area of presenting myself as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God as my act of worship, BUT God in his infinite grace and mercy helps me get over my guilt and shame.

I think holding on to your guilt and shame can be a form of pride, because you are saying what you did is too much for God to handle you know? So, going back to the issue at hand, like the ladies above me said, your slate has been wiped clean.

The deeper issues, in my opinion seems that the man is not willing to change and does not have the same convictions as you have. The Bible says in AMos 3:3 "can two walk together except they be agreed?" As Christians, we should have the desire to grow more in the likeness of Christ and that includes, submitting our Character to Christ and allowing him to change it and not use who we are as an excuse to continue to misbehave and sin.

You breaking up with him should be because you sincerely want to please God and he is not convicted to do so in the way that you are He will only pull you down till you find yourself compromising and doing what he wants in terms of physical pleasure and many other areas.

Sex does not make a marriage, no matter what anybody tells you.

I got pregnant at 22 by a horrible guy (my own horrible choice to be with him as well). He wanted to get married. Some people told me I should marry him simply because he'd gotten me pregnant. Even some Christians told me I was now married to him in God's eyes and if I didn't marry him, and went on to marry someone else later in life, I'd be committing adultery.

I stayed single and raised my beautiful son on my own. When I was in my 30's, I met my husband. He was and is my dream come true, and my God-sent lifelong love.

If I'd listened to people I would've married a violent, abusive, thieving, lying, lazy man. That's the father my precious child would've grown up around. But because I listened to God and took the hard road of being a single mother, and waited for Him to bring someone into my life, I now have the man of my dreams, and the loving, faithful, Christian father my son deserves.

no, you're in no way bound to him because you had sexual interactions with him. Jesus forgives yoursin. You need to figure out if he's right for you

You are neither bound to him nor should you consider your sexual immorality to be a factor in breaking up with him.

I would make your decision on your relationship based on other factors then your sexual history.

In the Old Testament, if a man took a virgin girl's virginity, and she wasn't betrothed to someone else, he had to marry her and never divorce her. Her father could refuse to give her to him, though, but he still had to pay the bride price for virgins. Maybe that is what you are thinking of.

For me as a man, if, when I was young, I had done sexual acts with a young virgin woman who'd never done those before, I might have felt obligated to marry her. The fact that this was a consideration in my mind was one more thing that helped me stay a virgin until marriage.

From what you've said, you didn't lose your 'technical virginity' but engaged in some things that are inappropriate. For me, that would be a consideration. But I'm not saying it means you have to marry the man.

If it is a real consideration for you, you could tell him that, and still break up with him. You could tell him you are breaking up with him, but you would still consider him a marriage partner if his character improved, that you don't plan to be dating anyone else. But it doesn't make sense for you to get more attached to him if these things don't changed, and dating opens up certain temptations, so you could break up with him and tell him if those areas improve and he comes back later, you might be interested. But you also are under no obligation to him, so you aren't off limits to other men. That might be a frustrating kind of break-up, but you'd be offering hope and hopefully motivation.

What is the nature of the character problems you see in him? Is it more of a youth and maturity thing that could be corrected in a few years? If other people see those flaws, too, that's important. You should listen to what your parents have to say.

If you do get involved with another guy, you need to let him know what you've done with this other boyfriend before he proposes or before you agree to marry him. It wouldn't be fair otherwise, especially if he just thinks he's married a virgin, but you've done some of these other things with boyfriends.