i married a divorced man before i became a believer

When you became born again you repented of your sins.

May you live happily together forever.

super mom said:

my husband and i have been married for 8 years he was divorced 3 years maybe less when we got married. i knew he was divorced when i married him. he was a luke warm christian back then he is now a conservitave/traditional mennonite. we had separated after 4 years of marriage then came back together after 4 years of separation and then he left 8 months later. went to kentucky and found God and came back to reconcile seriously this time. i was not a believer when we married, i was 6 months pregnant with our oldest son who will be 9 in december. i became a believer before our oldest son turned 1 year. there has been a history of domestic abuse and both of us almost cheated on the other. while we were separated for 4 years we both had multiple sexual partners one of which i became pregnant by and had a daughter which i put up for adoption due to me realizing i could not provide for her alone and my 3 special needs boys. i am wondering in a biblical standing is our marriage recongonized by God because he was divorced and remarried? Am i going to be judged for marrying a divorced man? im so confused.

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Hello SM,

I read your message to me, and have been trying to find time to properly respond to our questions. I've also attempted to 'befriend' you - but because I'm not really familiar with how to go about doing so, I may not have done so properly...though I hope I did.

Regarding the questions you ask above: As time permits, I'll be sure to prepare an answer for you from my understanding of the scriptures teaching on these subjects.

Sounds to me like you husband has got some self-righteous teaching that is messing with his mind. He is married to you. Tell him that over and over.
Then tell him he is to love his wife and your his wife.

Love should deliver him from legalism and allow him to reach out to you and the kids. I pray her gets there.

super mom said:

...I am wondering in a biblical standing is our marriage recongonized by God because he was divorced and remarried? Am i going to be judged for marrying a divorced man? im so confused.

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Supermom,

Just to let you know, I've not forgotten you, or your request for answers to the above questions. In my spare time I have been preparing what I have to offer you, from the perspective of my understanding of scriptures teaching of these important subjects.

I hope you are well.

I wanted here to encourage you to determine that you will trust the Lord in all things; and to endeavor to do so, in a quiet...a peaceful...and humble frame of mind and heart.

May I also encourage you with a few passages, please do go to the references and read them within their own contextual settings, in particular the Ephesians reference.

While these passages do not directly speak to the questions you ask about; and I am well aware that in the midst of trials, sufferings, fears and heartbreak, it is not easy to maintain a peaceful, tranquil and trusting spirit. Yet it is possible when one 'digs in their heels' (so to speak) and is determined not to let go of the Lord, but cries out to him even more for his presence, his peace and protection. So these passages (and many, many more) do speak to one's present need in the midst of facing trials and turmoil.

I love and find great encouragement from these selected portions:
"...in quietness and confidence [trusting] shall be your strength...",

"...and the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever",

"But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, [and] easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace",

"For ye were sometimes darkness, but now [are ye] light in the Lord: walk as children of light: (For the fruit of the Spirit [is] in all goodness and righteousness and truth), Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord"

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him".
.

[Partial quotes of Isa.30:15; 32:17; James 3:17-18 and Eph.5:8-10; 1-20; James 1:5; 1-8]

From 1 Cor 7:
V.8 – Now to the unmarried [divorced] and the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
v.9 – But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
v. 10 – to the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): a wife must not separate [without benefit of divorce] from her husband.
v.11 – But if she does, she must remain unmarried [separated] or else be reconciled to her husband [because they are legally still married]. And a husband must not divorce his wife [the Greek context is divorcing for selfish reasons].

Note verses 8 and 9 are addressing those who are unmarried and widows, that it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Later on in the same chapter, it says that people who are unmarried, widowed and virgins are not sinning if they marry. No need to worry that you have married a divorced man. I'd be more worried about the strength of your marriage - I hope the problems that caused you to separate have been dealt with and you have been able to build a strong and healthy marriage in spite of past troubles.

First of all, if adultery wasn't involved your husband made an error when he divorced his first wife. But the fact that he has a failed marriage behind him doesn't mean that God wants you to divorce each other now that you both try to follow him. True, getting divorced was an error to begin with, but breaking up yet another marriage isn't any better.

About contacting his first wife, well, that is a serious misunderstanding of the Biblical texts in question. The Bible says that we shouldn't divorce, but if we do we should live single or be reconciled. This text doesn't address your situation, where someone has become married to another person in the meantime. In fact, the Bible explicitly prohibits getting remarried to an ex-spouse that has been married to another person.

"If a man marries a woman and she does not please him because he has found something offensive in her, then he may draw up a divorce document, give it to her, and evict her from his house. When she has left him she may go and become someone else's wife. If the second husband rejects her and then divorces her, gives her the papers, and evicts her from his house, or if the second husband who married her dies, her first husband who divorced her is not permitted to remarry her after she has become ritually impure, for that is offensive to the LORD." - Deuteronomy 24:1-4

If he still talks about this, then show your husband this text and tell him that it would be offensive to the LORD if he went back to his first wife.