I struggle a lot with my Salvation. There are days where I feel like I am, and others I feel I'm going to the pit of Hell. I've always be skeptical throughout my life. Didn't believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny, what's this Tooth Fairy crap, and Jesus, well their can't be a better explanation to why I'm here. But I struggle. I've always heard that it's better to be in the battle, because you know you're fighting, but there's times I don't want to fight anymore. I'm exhausted. I was on top of the world. I had friends, family, a church body and somewhat good health. That all changed 2 years ago. I feel jaded. I struggle with why, and now what. I see Christian friends and they want to "fix" me. I see others with mental illness and they comfort me in knowing I'm not alone with this disability. I'm in the Word, I pray, I try despite my disability to engage and help others when I can. I know that all these things will not get my into Heaven, It's only Jesus' sacrifice on the Cross that saves me. Because of all the difficulties in my life I tend to turn to sexual sin. I seems like the only release that I have. I can't seem to enjoy the things I use to be able to do. Then afterward I feel guilty that I have no self control. I continue to do this a lot, and it makes me wonder whether I am Saved or not. This creates major depression and hopelessness. Any thoughts, suggestions, similarities? Not sure where this post should go, hope it's alright here.