Waiting on a godly spouse

I'm not specifically trying to better myself for a spouse. I'm trying to better myself because it makes me happier, and lets face it its much healthier in the long run than to try to conform to some random image in order to please a spouse who may or may not show up.

FriendlyHendley said:

How are some of y'all preparing your heart for your future spouse?

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Let God do that for you. He recently took my "focus" off of finding a mate and put it back on Him where it belongs, so now marriage has gone from being an idol to being, "If it happens, it happens. If not, oh well."

Doctor Strangelove said:

I am trying to not be a typical man and I am trying not to live a typical worldly lifestyle. On the other hand, I am trying to get away from the idea/hope that if I am "good" enough God will reward me somehow.

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The idea that one has to be "good enough" is a hard one to overcome. You'd think it would be easier to shake, considering how God "rewards" countless people with spouses despite all kinds of questionable behavior, but it lingers. That being said, it sounds like you're trying to live a lifestyle that works well for a married man, which should serve you well in the long run and when you're married.

Sketcher said:

I try to grow in patience.

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Same here. Patience and wisdom.

AmericanSamurai said:

Not worrying about it. Having a beer, pursuing my hobbies.

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I'm basically in the same boat. May as well enjoy what blessings and interests I have. Do I want to find a good match? Absolutely, but there's no upside to worrying.

Welcome back, BTW.

little_tigress said:

I'm not specifically trying to better myself for a spouse. I'm trying to better myself because it makes me happier, and lets face it its much healthier in the long run than to try to conform to some random image in order to please a spouse who may or may not show up.

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That's a good attitude to have, and as an added bonus should also make it easier for you to meet the right kind of man.

Preparing? No.

I'm living and enjoying the beauty in life.

Miles said:

The idea that one has to be "good enough" is a hard one to overcome. You'd think it would be easier to shake, considering how God "rewards" countless people with spouses despite all kinds of questionable behavior, but it lingers. That being said, it sounds like you're trying to live a lifestyle that works well for a married man, which should serve you well in the long run and when you're married.

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All I can do is try and minimize my "problems." I have seen someone who has a lot of problems - addictions, a chaotic lifestyle, questionable behavior - and they get with someone who also has a lot of problems and of course they make each other miserable. I kind of like being the "dull" guy who is stable and does not have a lot of drama in his life. Not that I am "perfect" and "have arrived" or that I expect anyone to be "perfect."

little_tigress said:

I'm not specifically trying to better myself for a spouse. I'm trying to better myself because it makes me happier, and lets face it its much healthier in the long run than to try to conform to some random image in order to please a spouse who may or may not show up.

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I'm doing this as well.

My way of preparing for the perfect spouse is working towards becoming the perfect spouse

I have to work for mine.

I always believed he'd just parachute out of the sky one day. : (

I want someone who is compatible with me, someone whom I can talk to, someone who likes me for me.

^More easily said than done in Christianity unfortunately. My guess is that would most likely require someone who is a lot like you, but if we're taught to hate ourselves, then that person would probably be someone who you hate.

Edit: that was not directed at you so much as it was me venting my frustrations.

wannaberocker said:

absolutely doing nothing to prepare. Should I be doing something to prepare?

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I'm sorry I'm not like you guys,

I mean I've been waiting for the right one since I was 15, and it's been 10 years now, I'm 25 now and starting to feel old and like an old maid, nothing has happened,

And I don't know if I'm going to freak out in a bad way or what.

Waiting just isn't cutting it anymore. I'm starting to have fears that I'll be dead before I'm ever married off.

BlueLioness said:

I'm sorry I'm not like you guys,

I mean I've been waiting for the right one since I was 15, and it's been 10 years now, I'm 25 now and starting to feel old and like an old maid, nothing has happened,

And I don't know if I'm going to freak out in a bad way or what.

Waiting just isn't cutting it anymore. I'm starting to have fears that I'll be dead before I'm ever married off.

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Not to make light of your pain I know it is very real to you and I am sorry you feel as you do.

But MAN what is up with you 25 year olds "Im SOOOO old"

You are still young, relax. Toro, now Toro, is old....

BlueLioness said:

I'm sorry I'm not like you guys,

I mean I've been waiting for the right one since I was 15, and it's been 10 years now, I'm 25 now and starting to feel old and like an old maid, nothing has happened,

And I don't know if I'm going to freak out in a bad way or what.

Waiting just isn't cutting it anymore. I'm starting to have fears that I'll be dead before I'm ever married off.

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You're fine. You need to be careful though, I'm sensing that you're overthinking this to the point of desperation. And desperation scares men off. Well the good normal men you'd want to wind up with - desperate people only attract other desperate people and predators. Those are the kinds of people you probably don't want. That just opens the door to all kinds of messy and unhealthy situations.

25 is still very young. You're not exactly at death's door or awaiting the old folks home.

Find a way to feel fulfilled apart from needing a relationship. Take up some hobbies, take some classes, make more friends, travel, whatever. Just make life fun and happy for you. Don't rely on another person to be your happiness.

Singleness is very rarely ever really easy for anyone. We all struggle with it at times. The trick is to discover how to live your life happily without needing that person. But when that person comes along, they can share in the happiness with you. Rather than be the whole reason you're happy. Because, ironically, depending on another person to make you happy will make the both of you extremely miserable. Fast.

little_tigress said:

Well the good normal men you'd want to wind up with

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Are you saying no one wants to end up with Toro? Toro is far from normal, I got the man part and the good part down though. 2/3 Aint bad, right?

Besides, I thought women here wanted to avoid "normal men". Cause well, "normal" men are worldly men.

well normal = sane.

As in I wouldn't walk in and find my husband spooning with the broom or using the typewriter to order Chinese food from a nice little lady he met on Pluto. Or trying to stab me to death with a hairbrush, etc...

little_tigress said:

well normal = sane.

As in I wouldn't walk in and find my husband spooning with the broom or using the typewriter to order Chinese food from a nice little lady he met on Pluto. Or trying to stab me to death with a hairbrush, etc...

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Awwww, I would never hurt you so I wouldnt stab you with a hairbrush, but the rest of the things I believe disqualify me. FYI, I wasn't spooning the broom, I was practicing my dancing.

Oh well, I will still continue to stalk you.

Am I treding that fine line again?

BlueLioness said:

I'm sorry I'm not like you guys,

I mean I've been waiting for the right one since I was 15, and it's been 10 years now, I'm 25 now and starting to feel old and like an old maid, nothing has happened,

And I don't know if I'm going to freak out in a bad way or what.

Waiting just isn't cutting it anymore. I'm starting to have fears that I'll be dead before I'm ever married off.

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I think we all have those moments of fear, anxiety and loneliness. I didn't mean to suggest that I didn't have those moments. I just meant that im not really doing anything special in life specifically to Prepare for a future spouse. I just try to live me life. Also, like everyone already said you are still fairly young. Enjoy your Now instead of waiting for some moment in the future to enjoy life. You will only be 25 once and really if ya think about it, your right now even without a relationship can be pretty awesome for other reasons.

Toro said:

Awwww, I would never hurt you so I wouldnt stab you with a hairbrush, but the rest of the things I believe disqualify me. FYI, I wasn't spooning the broom, I was practicing my dancing.

Oh well, I will still continue to stalk you.

Am I treding that fine line again?

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you're always walking that fine line, my friend. But thats OK. Its why we love you

little_tigress said:

you're always walking that fine line, my friend. But thats OK. Its why we love you

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You.....


Love me?

FriendlyHendley said:

Praying for a future spouse is very important! I know sometimes it is hard to wait and hold on to the promises. How are some of y'all preparing your heart for your future spouse?

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Through it all, I realize now that many of my prayers were answered.

I asked God to let me live here. He did.

I asked God to let me go back to church with my family. He did.

I asked God to make me humble. He broke me down in so many ways possible and is still working to make me His humble servant.

I asked God for wisdom, and He gave me a huge dose of reality to take in.

I asked God for love. He gave me emptiness in my heart to fill it with His love.


Not everything in my life worked out the way I wanted, but God has been good to me and made the impossible possible. Yet, I sometimes doubt if it will all happen because I want everything to work out my way.


I've been praying on-again, off-again about my future spouse. I want to keep praying about him. I want to keep praying for him.

I'll march on and hope in God. Fear will always knock back and sometimes I'll answer it. But now I hope that when I do, I'll answer it with the answer that Jesus gave me:

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

Psalm 43:5