Dear... Jesus loves you so very much and He above all understands your pain. He weeps with you in your suffering.
First of all, I need to say that if you have never asked Jesus to forgive you of all your sins and save you, you need to do that. Being a good person wont get any of us to heaven. Likewise, being a bad person wont send anyone to hell.
Jesus's life, death and resurrection is the only provision for the complete and total forgiveness of sin. Personally accepting that is our only way to heaven and rejecting it is the only thing that would damn us.
Now, concerning your current mental/emotional condition, I doubt that your relationship with God has a whole lot to do with your pain and suffering right now. This is a forum on OCD so I assume you have either been diagnosed with it or you suspect you have it. OCD is a REAL disorder and requires medical treatment, especially when it gets to the point of disrupting our daily lives. It can lead to panic attacks and clinical depression. It definitely sounds to me like you are at-least in the early stages of clinical depression, reading your post.
I am a 48 year old married man with two children in their 20's and I battled OCD, panic anxiety and depression from the age of 7. I was 38 years old before I finally got the help I needed. I never knew what was wrong with me. Back then, these disorders were greatly misunderstood and even thought by many to just be "made up". Even I was suspicious as to the reality of them. However, looking back now, I can say without a doubt that they are very real and require medical attention just as heart diseases or cancer etc... would. People (myself included) are typically afraid of going to see a psychiatrist because they think there for crazy people. There not! They are simply medical doctors who specialize in the treatment of brain disorders. Our brains are just as susceptible to illness as the rest of our frail human bodies and there is no shame in seeking treatment for any of it.
The Lord heals us in many different ways and he used doctors and medication to heal me. I was saved when I was 13 years old and the bouts I had with fear, anxiety and depression after that was totally beyond my understanding. I could not understand how a Christian could feel that way. Of course, that would lead to me questioning own salvation and relationship with Christ. That is the most horrible and miserable place I can imagine for a Christian to be!! However, through it all the Lord has blessed me so richly with wisdom and understanding concerning these horrible disorders (especially in Christians) and He has given me a great passion to reach out to those who suffer needlessly in that respect. There is just no way anyone could ever understand the impact these disorders have on an individual unless they have been there themselves.
So, in closing I would encourage you to go see a doctor (psychiatrist) for evaluation if you haven't already done so and if they prescribe you medication, take it as instructed. Expect great things from the Lord! He will, in time, use you to bring comfort to others who suffer in the same way you are suffering now!!
God is good always,
Bless you child!