Give "Bad" Advice (2)

I don't know for the main course, but dessert should be some cow pies. Your local farmer should have a few to spare, so no cost!

I have an argumentative essay due on Tuesday. What should be my topic?

Instead of writing an essay, on the day the assignment is due and everyone is handing in their papers, walk to the front of the class and argue with your teacher about why you shouldn't have to do such a dumb assignment. Not only will your teacher be impressed that you were so creative, s/he will probably think twice before giving you other assignments that are equally as dumb.

My kids are having friends sleep over. What's a good way to entertain them should they get a little bored?

What I love to do is teach them all how to play shot gun chicken! tons of fun! and kills two birds with one stone, teaches them fire arms and also if you are lucky one may get hit and reduce the number of children you have to provide night snacks for.

my husband is working out of town and a few local women who like to partake in mid morning refreshments hang around the ladder cat calling him. What should i do. (this cracks me up btw)

Sic a pack of dobermans on them.

I am so tired of the cold and rain, and it's starting to get me down. Ideas for improving my mood?

Cut rectangular pieces of paper the size of dollar bills and draw pictures of George washington on all of them. Your car will not even notice the difference.

I want to make a beaded necklace and am looking for some creative ideas. You have any?

lucypevensie said:

I want to make a beaded necklace and am looking for some creative ideas. You have any?

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Well, on Etsy, someone is using dead mouse heads as hair decorations. I don't see why you couldn't use some on your necklace! It'd be a great conversation starter, I'm sure.

So I took that advice on arguing with my teacher, and now I have no argumentative class. What should I take instead?




P.S: I didn't....

You hear people joking about an Underwater Basket Weaving class. Well, that's nothing to joke about. It happens to be a very useful skill. I think you should take that class.

I can't find my recipe for chili and am afraid using another one will yield unpleasant results.

lucypevensie said:

I can't find my recipe for chili and am afraid using another one will yield unpleasant results.

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Everyone has stray cats roaming through their yard. Cat trap + gloves + tranquilizer + meat grinder = awesome chili. Tip: leave in the cat hairs. (source: recipes.com)

What kind of computer should I buy?

Who needs a computer any more? Just use your smart phone.

How can I make folding the laundry more fun?

lucypevensie said:

How can I make folding the laundry more fun?

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The weather is nice so do your ironing in the backyard naked. Be sure to alert the local newspaper. They may run your photo on the front page.

At church, if there is a lively song, shall I clap to the beat like this or do something else?

First sedate your cat. Any pill in your medicine cabinet should work. If you have a hard time waking the cat up afterwards you will have to phone your vet for an emergency visit. But hey, it's still easier than bathing a fully conscious cat.

We have tons of sticks and branches all over the back yard. I don't want to deal with them.

Donate the to fetching sticks dog association.

How can I walk faster?

Have a friend who walks faster than you walk in front of you dangling a donut on a string from a stick. Try to catch the donut. I don't know about you, but I need motivation like this!

I'm meeting someone tomorrow that I've never seen in person. How will I know who to look for?

Get them to wear a grim reaper mask. No mistaken identity this time of year.

What could I do if a sinkhole opened up under me?

Always stash a paper clip and a piece of string in your pocket. I'm not sure exactly what you'd do with them in such a moment of crisis, but we can always hope your adrenalin kicks you into high gear and you can think of something.

Any way I can get my dog to act more like a cat?

Why do you want that? Anyway feed him cat food, that might do it.

How can I type more efficiently?

Dye it black first.

How can I kill a rainbow?