broke up again asked me back again

Feb 15, 2013
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Some of you may remember me.. my bf broke up with me when he visited back home to Vegas bcuz of intimate things i can't do til marriage and because I won't stay with anyone who drinks..anyway i took him back since he's been loyal to me since I've been on bedrest ill since Sept I mean I've been super ill,in and out of hosp even mayo clinic, and he's been there beside my bed up til vegas end of Feb. Anyways he swore to me he only left bcuz he was,stressed because I've been so sick so long but thursday before last he told me soon as I'm well again he's using all of his bonus to take me to my fave place,disneyland, just the two of us. I had to tell him I'm not allowed to vaca with bfs alone because I was raised honeymoon is the first trip alone. He got upset said I'm 23 but too old fashioned thinking and that when it comes to my Bible and beliefs he takes a backseat and he has to do all the budging including moving to cali for my career but that I don't consider his beliefs(sex is ok if in love,drinking is ok just not all the time, and trips with bf aren't wrong either) and said he needs someone who puts him b4 everything else so he was sorry but was breaking up with me.that night he was drunk texting me already telling me that he'd find a girl who loves him as much as I, will put him first b4 all, and will sleep with him so I quit responding since it hurt badly. He not only kicked me off fb but blocked me also even though I never fb him and kicked off OUR mutual friends. Now skip ahead to last thur, one week after break up, and now im unblocked not friends but unblocked and he's texting me begging me back saying he only left bcuz he was hurt I said no to disney since he was just taking me there to.propose by castle and that the ring is ready for pickup in 2weeks. For 3 days I was saying since he left me last month and cant take him back but since he knows again how strongly I need my moms blessing on relationships he text her Saturday and let her tear him up again(she did it last month but gave him a last chance)
anyway this time she woudnt approve. So he text me again begging me to marry him this dec on disneys bday,when i again said I can't that you left me b4 he said, "don't just remember these last few bad times, i may stray from the path sometimes but i always come back I was gone days not weeks, pls dont do this to us I'm worth it. Remember I was the guy stuck with you this entire time you've been sick, I'm the guy who sat at your hospital bedside each time, im the guy who helped pick up all your hair that falls out over your bed(my hairs falling out handful at a time now recently) im the guy who's brought you gifts hugs and kisses so dont leave me for this I've done more good for you than bad pls be my wife" but my fam said i basically have to choose him or them no more chances not even if we have kids someday, so I told him no and I'm back to being blocked my bro was kicked off of PS3 but I feel guilty bcuz hes right.. how many other 20 almos 21 yr old guys would have stuck around since sept for their sick 23 year old gf? I feel guilty, sick to my stomach and cryiglng bcuz i hurt him and he said he just keps crying.. was I too harsh? He was loyal and did the things he said down to the hair, so should i give him another chance is this some of my fault? I need help please
 

K9_Trainer

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Honestly I think you should block him, cut contact, and move on.

You both have views that conflict with each other, and if neither of you are willing to compromise, then there's hope for a relationship. It sounds like you're aware of that, and you are trying to stand by what you think is right, and keeping your priorities straight.

Furthermore, the way he is giving you a guilt trip over your decision by reminding you about how he took care of you while you were in the hospital? That's basically emotional abuse. He's trying to control you by manipulating your emotions and confusing you about what you think is right in order to get his way. That's not cool at all...You do not want to be with somebody who is going to treat you like that.

You have no reason to feel bad, or guilty over this.
 
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CounselorForChrist

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Hes just using your emotions to try and get you back. Next think you know he will use them to make you have sex so it "helps him" feel better.

Stop giving him chances. Hes obviously a pretty terrible guy. The fact he said the bible is to old fashioned on its views, more so about sex. That shows hes no where close to the Lord. You can do WAY better then him.
 
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Thanks guys...idk why I feel so sick and sad over it. I feel so guilty as if I ditched him when in fact he left me twice.. the whole proposal thing and loyalty thru illness thing really is breaking my heart, i feel like a bad person who left him when things got hard even tho he didnt when things got hard with me
 
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quitespirit

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When you turn down premarital sex (or the situations that will open the door for him to try to bed you) he walks away from you. Demand more respect than this shmuck is giving you. This man loves himself more than you, and wants you to put his sexual urges before God himself, and has stated as much. How selfish and manipulative this man seems. Is this what you think God's best for you is?

A child of God deserves to be cherished, honored, and supported in their pursuit of purity by their partner- someone who honors you and God. God has much better things for you than this. Do not settle for scraps, when you belong at the dinner table.
 
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Thanks :) but the only thing is that i feel guilty bcuz in the beginning of our relationship I did um fall to temptation got lost in love and did get intimate with him so now he thinks i was baiting him and using it to hook him but that's not the case, I just felt guilty and begged God to forgive me and swore I'd never sin in that way again and I've kept my word. He just thinks and said that he's the one who has to do all the judging and if I don't get my way thn I'll leave him.. Like he got out of the marines to stay with me, stayed in az instead of moving back to Vegas with his dad and baby bros to stay with me, was going to move to Calif with me for my art career...so he feels Im just not willing to budge for him so i feel so guilty ...
 
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LinkH

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He spent a few months helping a sick girlfriend in the hospital. Over the course of a long life-time, that isn't that much time. If all you have to do to get a girl to marry you is spend some time with her in the hospital, that's a small price to pay-- just spend some time tending to her while she's sick and you can play the guilt trip card to get her to marry you.... Maybe that's not his intention. Maybe he is just desperate and so he brought it up.

Do you want to be married to a man who guilt-trips you like that? I could see wanting to be married to a man who spends time with you in the hospital without asking anything in return or bringing it up to pressure you. Marriage is worth a lot more than a few months in the hospital. What if he asked for $100,000 for three months work in the hospital that he was supposed to be freely giving. Would you pay that? Would you pay that to a friend you were not romantically involved with? If you thought about paying that friend, and he asked for $100k for three months of visiting, wouldn't you try to negotiate down to a reasonable amount? Isn't the rest of your life in marriage worth more than $100,000?

If he breaks up over you not wanting to sin with him or go on a trip where you could fall into sin, then what would happen if you were married and you did not want to sin? What if he wanted to break up after you are married?

As a single man, one of my criteria in finding someone was to find someone who was low risk for divorce. Plenty of people call themselves Christians but divorce over things much smaller than the issues mentioned in the New Testament. The bar is set really low. But what commitment should you expect from an unbeliever who doesn't even claim to believe in our Lord's words against divorce and remarriage? If he breaks up repeatedly with you, what would it be like after marriage?

What if the attitude that premarital sex is okay before marriage, turns into extramarital sex is okay after marriage, as long as the wife doesn't know? And if he gets upset and tries to pressure you when you put God first before marriage, what would happen after marriage when there are children involved, children you want to raise up in the knowledge and fear of the Lord?

Why don't you sit down and write out a list of characteristics a Christian woman should look for in a Christian man. Include things like 'putting God first.' Presumably, your children don't exist yet, but if the Lord blesses you with children, you will love them. Don't you owe it to them to have them with a godly father? What about a relationship with their grandmother? The Bible says to honor your father and mother. It doesn't say you have to marry someone who helps you when you are sick.
 
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That is true...we have been together only 13 months and of those I've been ill going on 8... I have this horrible feeling that like he said i should remember the good times not just the bad but he's dumped me twice over so shouldn't that out weigh the good as painful as it is to me ? And you're right I wouldn't pay someone to care for me, I didn't pay my mom for sleeping in a chair by my hosp be nor did she ask me to; I think he mentioned it bcuz he was so desperate in his last plea..
And yeah it does now that you mention it :/ I have this problem where I have a hard time giving up on ppl who've been in my life, I sit and remember the memories like the hospital, how he rushed over on my birthday to be there with my gift when I awoke from from my procedure and Christmas etc... I'm a huge softy so I feel just horrible sayin no to him after he begged, like I'm abandoning him for some odd reason :// idk how to make myself stop doubting
 
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abacabb

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That is true...we have been together only 13 months and of those I've been ill going on 8... I have this horrible feeling that like he said i should remember the good times not just the bad but he's dumped me twice over so shouldn't that out weigh the good as painful as it is to me ? And you're right I wouldn't pay someone to care for me, I didn't pay my mom for sleeping in a chair by my hosp be nor did she ask me to; I think he mentioned it bcuz he was so desperate in his last plea..
And yeah it does now that you mention it :/ I have this problem where I have a hard time giving up on ppl who've been in my life, I sit and remember the memories like the hospital, how he rushed over on my birthday to be there with my gift when I awoke from from my procedure and Christmas etc... I'm a huge softy so I feel just horrible sayin no to him after he begged, like I'm abandoning him for some odd reason :// idk how to make myself stop doubting
If he made you feel that great and that much and love, imagine the blessing of the Christian husband God has in store for you.
 
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He said no sex as long as engaged and marry no later than next year. As far as church he said he'd go. He says you used to be Christian but had a bad experience at church and with religious girls so he's a little turned off by it now. His dad is catholic, his moms mom is Christian and his mom is uh...not religious I'll just say..she goes clubbing drinking, lives with her bf after 3 marriages;although, she was always cheated on, but still.. he says he prays, he says he believes in God, but doesn't agree with all beliefs that go along with it, such as, he thinks God isn't so harsh and if you're a good person you won't go to Hell. He thinks if you're in love and planning on marriage its not a sin, that gayv marriage isn't a sin and God wouldn't send them to Hell, doesn't think drinking or cussing isn't a sin.. basically feels if you're good and nice person then God won't punish you.
 
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abacabb

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he thinks God isn't so harsh and if you're a good person you won't go to Hell.
Problem is, that's not true. Everyone that has no faith in Christ are judged by their own works, and one bad thing and they go to hell.

My advice is that you not date him. If he's really in love, he will vow abstainance and learn about god. When he's ready to accept Christ, then you can think about being with him. If he can't share with you the most important thing in the world and that is a relationship with God, then he should find someone he can share someone with. It's just not you.
 
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Another * chance, (sorry tablet errored) then I would have to text him bcuz he begged for days and its too painful for him in fact he not only kicked me off fb but full on blocked me, and kicked some of our mutual friends off...he said had to cut connection from me bcuz he was hurting so bad...so I think he's done coming after me I havent heard from him since Saturday afternoon so if I want him I have to make the move
 
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abacabb

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Another * chance, (sorry tablet errored) then I would have to text him bcuz he begged for days and its too painful for him in fact he not only kicked me off fb but full on blocked me, and kicked some of our mutual friends off...he said had to cut connection from me bcuz he was hurting so bad...so I think he's done coming after me I havent heard from him since Saturday afternoon so if I want him I have to make the move

Good!
 
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