My fear

HI Dabro, I am sorry you are going through this. I know what it is like to get off of Klonopin, I used to be addicted for years and getting off was awful. I understand that you are really struggling. I will say a prayer for you.

I wish I knew something that I could say to help you. I said a prayer for you!

dabro said:

while my psychosis is in full gear. I have been doing community work for a couple of days now and, as I work I am going thru my head. Am I the one responsable for this world? Did I die back in 05?.

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If you are responsible for this world, then you should be able to make people do things with your mind. Look at another person and make them fly with your mind. If that doesn't work, you know your not responsible for this world because you can't control it (same goes for the weather, animals, etc.).

If you were dead you would either be in heaven or hell. If you were in heaven you would not have these questions. Everything I read about hell says there is no water in hell. So if you can take a drink of water from your tap you know you are not in hell. Jesus said the fire is not quenched and the worm does not die in hell (Mark 9:48). So if you see a worm and kill it or see a fire and put it out - you know for sure you are not in hell.

If it makes you feel any better, I once thought the rapture happened and I was left behind. But then I saw two very young children so I knew the rapture hadn't happened because I know Jesus won't leave small children or infants behind.

Satan is a toothless lion so don't let him steal your joy like this.

I read about your fear of death and I can relate. Last year I really had a strong fear of it after I had my first panic attack. Do you want to fast and pray against this together (God willing)? Also I would like to give you this website link blogtalkradio.com/omegamanradio
At 8pm eastern they give people deliverance; I think you might need it for your fear. God bless you

All healthy questions actually. Reminds me of philosophy. The difference is the stress it can put on some of us who take it serious and what that stress does. Being deep and having ocd and delusions can be a real mix.

The "I'm dead" response is a good way to drop the ocd stress and get a little perspective. It is kindof like looking frantically for lost keys because you are late for work. If you keep stressing and looking, you'll never find them because stress blocks memory. So, you have to do the worst thing which is to sit and relax. Then you might remember them. (same for tests)

If you were suffering cotard delusion at this time, you wouldn't know it or question it. You might have a degree of it and some awareness, but that would be healthy. And you might come in and out, but that would be good too because it means you have insight. It is kindof like someone explaining they are currently manic. Or saying they are currently delusional. Doesn't work. You are in a good place to know that you are feeling that.

Faith is in degrees, not all or nothing. Faith is a starcase. I can only step up to the next step. I can't go from one floor to the next in one step. Perhaps your next step is to trust God enough to tell him you trust him with how you are feeling, how afraid you are of hell and death, the questions you are thinking. Tell him those things--if you haven't, I mean. Maybe you have? I don't know.

We want certainty of belief, but we get probabilities. All people do. Just because something is possible doesn't make it likely. But that doesn't really help ocd. But it is part of what fuels ocd. What if? I get scared-- Do X! Obsess more. What if? On and on. We focus in on that tiny little possibility. How do I stop thinking about what I try to stop thinking about? Think of something else.

Because I can never give you certainty, you can always say what if. In fact, I could train a pet bird to say, "What if" over and over for me. Maybe I would have another one say "Why?" to anything I say.

If you spin fast enough in that hamster wheel, yeah, stress will build like an electric motor and you'll see something sooner or later--whether you are mentally ill or not.

Doesn't make it your fault or easy to get out of. I do it too. Just describing it and saying it is pretty normal.

But you are doing good. I've seen mature strong mentally healthy christians fall apart over such questions. But if you are in ocd mode, I bet that makes you think something like, "Well, maybe they weren't healthy? Or maybe I am? Or maybe this? Or maybe that?" And that's not such a bad thing. Most people seem to make the error of not asking enough questions--and I consider that a kind of mental illness in itself. And though lack of questioning damages people, there isn't a pill or a bed for it and it doesn't make it into the books.

Making new steps to being aware of what we don't know is a real step to mental health I think a lot of healthy people never reach. It is living with the not knowing that is so hard for everyone. Everyone must deal with that. I don't get the impression most people handle not knowing very well--but then the reality is, I don't know.