I'm considering trying online dating again.

MacFall said:

Never mind. I'm over it. I sat in front of a blank profile and felt like I was applying for a job for which I'm so far from qualified that I can't even BS my way through the interview. Couldn't think of a single thing to say.

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Man you are extremely rough on yourself.

You have to get a little positive about yourself. Heck, I know im really just an average guy. If I wanna be negative about myself im pretty sure I can find 100 reasons why a girl shouldn't date me and date the next guy. But in all honesty I choose not to think that way. Why? because if I do think that way not only will I ever get a date, but id also feel miserable.

Now Im not say act like some self-centered jerk. But really don't put yourself down to such an extreme that you cant even think of 1 good thing to say about yourself.

Miss Spaulding said:

Not really. Just being a realist.

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ah not really. I just choose to look at the positives and ignore the negatives. Self delusion is nice sometimes lol.

MacFall said:

I did that when I was young. Then I grew up and stopped lying to myself about what women really think about me. At some point I had to deal with the obvious incompatibility between my positive view of myself as a potential boyfriend or husband and the fact that women all disagree vehemently, and even violently.

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violently? really now.

past experiences really don't prove anything regarding your future though.

MacFall said:

Consistent patterns are, in fact, reliable predictors.

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They are but you still need a sufficient sample size to prove a pattern and to then use that pattern as a predictor. I don't believe your sample size is sufficient. So I stand corrected your past experience dosnt prove anything about your future.

MacFall said:

I did that when I was young. Then I grew up and stopped lying to myself about what women really think about me. At some point I had to deal with the obvious incompatibility between my positive view of myself as a potential boyfriend or husband and the fact that women all disagree vehemently, and even violently.

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The problem, to put it bluntly, is your attitude about it. If you give up, thinking no woman will ever want you. Then you defeat yourself, before women can even give you a chance.

When you go up to a woman, thinking that she's going to turn you down the moment you speak to her, you defeat yourself. I know that you said you've been rejected a lot, and I'm not trying to make fun of you. But I do think you're never going to get anywhere in this issue, if you continue to believe the lie, that you are in fact, unworthy of any girl's attention.

Did you see that story about the guy with no face? I mean cmon, the guy had a bunch of oversized skin tissue covering his face! Who wants to marry that! And yet in the picture they showed, he had a very loving wife, that looked like she adored him.

It's all about how you present yourself. If you find life enjoyable, and fun. If you seek out opportunities to learn things, and enjoy God's relationship and gifts to you, then that will come out of your personality. People will be attracted to that.

But if you continue to lie to yourself, and think that you are nothing then women will continue to reject you. Because you have rejected yourself. It's not about them at all. It's about you. I've done this for years to myself. Why did no one ever approach me? Why was I always the guy in the back that no one noticed, even though I was a nice guy who would never treat a woman badly. Or at least I thought I wouldn't. Because I didn't give myself a chance. I thought that I was so horrible, that no one would want to be with me. Women are not stupid. They can see that immediately the moment they meet / talk with you. You might as well hang a big sign around your neck that says "RUN AWAY". I've worn that sign for years. But because of God's grace, I realize that it doesn't matter what people think anymore.

I realize that I'm a child of God. Who I am is not determined by how successful I am. Whether or not I have an amazing job. How strong I am. How good I look. While those can be good things, they do not define me as a person .

Give yourself a chance. Although I disagree with you at times, you seem like a pretty intelligent person. Do you treat your friends the same way you treat yourself? Of course not. So why be so hard on yourself? When we do that for so long, we think "that's just the way it is". It's a lie. Satan wants you to think that you are unlovable, that no one cares about you, or would ever want you to have that special someone.

I say these things, because I've treated myself the same way for the longest time. I was extremely hard on myself. Never gave myself a chance. I believed in the lies, that I would never be good enough. And that's what it is, a lie.

Look to God, to define who you are, and you will look at yourself in a completely new way that uplifts and redefines you. You are a child of God. He created you in His image and for His purpose. He created you the way you are.

Psalm 139:14 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Romans 12:3 3 For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.

This verse also means do not think of yourself as more lowly than you should. But accurately, according to who you are in God's eyes.

Once you start treating yourself fairly, then others will begin to treat you fairly as well. But if you continue to reject yourself, then the rejection has already taken place, before you give someone a chance to accept you.

MacFall said:

LOL, okay. How big should it be? How many consecutive rejections do I need to rack up? It's currently around 30, about twice that counting all of the women my friends have asked out for me, and that's not counting the hundreds of online ones.

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Really you have asked out around 200 women online/ face to face/ through friends? and not a single one gave a positive response?

For some reason I find it hard to believe considering im your age and I haven't asked out more than 10 women.

still thinking.

Mac, you're really your own worst enemy. You need to find a way to stop being so inward focused and stop focusing on the past. If you really believe that you're undatable, women will pick up on that and believe it too. I honestly wouldn't date a guy who thought so lowly of himself because its just exhausting to have to convince him that he's wrong. And its exhausting to watch that self-defeatist attitude. You're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy because you've latched onto this idea about yourself and refuse to let it go.

Don't blow the dating site idea up into more than it is. All you're doing is opening up another avenue of meeting people. Its not a guarantee of success and its not a guarantee of rejection. Not trying, however, guarantees nothing will happen. But first: You really need to find a way to reject harmful and sabotaging thoughts and change your mindset.

Even your responses to me are coming out negative Mac. You are still focusing on how no one will ever accept you.

Read what Tigress wrote. A woman is not going to accept you, until you accept yourself. It's simply not going to happen. If she does, by some miracle accept you, she will eventually become depressed and sad herself, because she keeps trying to convince you that you are lovable and yet you are trying to convince yourself that you are not.

Until you change the mindset, that a women could never accept you, I'm afraid that rejection will only keep coming. It saddens me to say that. I don't wish rejection on anyone. But until you can get past all these negative views of yourself, it's just going to be the same story over and over, and over again.

MacFall said:

Obviously. But 90% of all the rejections happened to me when I DID accept myself.

So. Women do not accept me when I accept myself. Women do not accept me when I do not accept myself. Since the only two options are for me to accept myself or not to, and women don't accept me in either case, it's really quite stupid for me to believe that women are going to accept me. Yet I'm still going to go ahead and try, like a stupid, instinct-driven animal, because I lack the willpower to do otherwise.

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That's an assumption.

Accepting yourself is not a "I'll try it, see how it goes." It's a life long decision. It's not something you do one day, and see if it works, then base your decision on whether or not someone went out with you. It's a choice before you even approach someone. Rejected or not, that you accept yourself.

People who want to lose weight often go through this. They get determined ,they lose the weight. Then they lose their drive, and gain it back. Some of them give up then, because obviously they tried it and it didn't work right? Why? Because losing weight, is not the same as keeping that weight off. Keeping that weight off requires a sacrifice in lifestyle. It means a permanent choice to change some of the things you did before.

Same goes for accepting yourself. It's not just a choice for a season. It's a permanent choice.

Same goes for finding joy in God and in life. It's not something you try for a time, and then give up if it "doesn't work" to find someone. It's a life long choice, to find that joy in God, regardless of what live throws at you. Whether you are single or not, to still find joy in God.

You are basing your acceptance on other people. I don't believe you truly accepted yourself to begin with, because if you did, then it does not matter if you get rejected. You are still you. No one can change that. You are still loved by God. No one can change that.

Being in a relationship will not fulfill you. Only God can. But if you are fulfilled through God, and then get a relationship, how much more will the joy increase if both of you are fulfilled by God to begin with?

Let me ask you this. When you are looking for a woman to date. Do you look for someone who hates herself? Someone who can't stand her own person. Someone who looks for every opportunity to be negative about herself. Puts herself down. Would you date someone like that? What happens when you date, and she begins to question why you are with her? Why would a guy like you be with someone as horrible as her? Wouldn't you want to be with someone else? Someone better? Now reverse the situation...and that is how you are coming across to others.

Would you truly date someone like that? I can't believe so. If you would, I do not believe it would last very long. So why do we not ask the same of ourselves, that which we ask of others?

I would feel pretty frustrated. I can see why you feel confused and like you can't win at the stupid game. I guess I could see if you think you asked out a larger than normal number of girls, that you wouldn't feel like all was quite cricket with how women saw you.

MacFall said:

I've sent out hundreds of messages and gotten exactly two replies back. Both scammers. So I'm pretty sure I'm considering doing it again because of a momentary lapse of reason.

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Welcome to the male version of the world of online dating The same happens to me. You are lucky because there are lots of Christians in your country and possibly in your area as well. When I go into those Christian online dating sites I find it very hard to even find Christians in the country in which I am living. In my church there are only three single women! They are nice, but I already tried with one of them and I wasn't lucky. I guess I should go for the other two.
When I tried non-Christian dating sites I met some girls from Eastern Europe and Asia, but they live so far away that it's impossible to meet them regularly in real life. So, in my opinion you should use Christian dating sites. What can you loose?

PS: your beard looks really cool

When Thomas Edison was interviewed by a young reporter who boldly asked Mr. Edison if he felt like a failure and if he thought he should just give up by now. Perplexed, Edison replied, "Young man, why would I feel like a failure? And why would I ever give up? I now know definitively over 9,000 ways that an electric light bulb will not work. Success is almost in my grasp." And shortly after that, and over 10,000 attempts, Edison invented the light bulb.

I highly doubt that's anywhere near an accurate number and it's clearly an exaggeration. But it was said that he did fail many times before he was successful. I think that goes for any inventor. How many times do they fail before actually succeeding?

It's not the number of times they failed, but the one time in which they succeeded that makes all the difference.