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ocd and hell

amaui

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Honestly everyday I want to quit. I'm almost convinced that I'm hellbound and you all are not. I have a crippling fear of hell that torments me everyday all day. I know Jesus can help me, but it breaks my heart that he doesn't. I'm so sick of doubting when I know the truth. OCD is like hell on earth. It's a form of torture and I know it. I've considered suicide soo many times, even though I know thats bad. The torment that I go through everyday is terrible.
 

adam7272

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Hi Amaui,
I said a prayer for you, and sorry you are going through this, you are not alone.
I wanted to share this with you, and any other readers who are experience similiar problems. I am starting to recognize that when I am trying to "solve" my spiritual problems, doubts, and fears when I am in an "OCD way of thinking", it is no different than the compulsive hand-washer who tries to stay clean, or the compulsive checker who is always checking to make sure the stove is off. What I mean is, no matter how many times the person washes their hands, or no matter how many times the person checks the stove, it will never actually "solve" the problem they are trying to solve. Likewise, when I get in OCD mode with spiritual issues, I may say the sinner's prayer many times, or be very "genuine" in saying the sinner's prayer, or get my theology perfect, but at the end of the day nothing has changed. The hand washer will wash their hands a 100 times and still not feel clean. Likewise, we will repent and believe 100 times and still not feel forgiven. It's almost as if we are playing all this out in a "virtual reality" that has no meaning in real reality.
I kind of believe that the reason I spend so much time obsessing in these areas is because I don't want to face reality, because reality is so scary and overwhelming, and I feel safe in this world of OCD I have created. I have control there. If I were to actually face real life, and actually face that I have real sin in a real rebellious heart that offends a real God, it may be too much for me to bear. So the OCD rituals protect me from having to face all of this. My prayer lately to God is to help me stop the religion, peel back the religion, and have the courage to face reality. I pray that to God that I would stop hiding my heart from Him with OCD rituals and thinking.
I don't know if any of this is helpful to you, or you can relate, but I just know when I am going through the hell of religious obsessions, and trying to answer all the doubts, fears, and failures I feel, I never end up getting anywhere. I can answer all of them perfectly, and my theology can become perfect, but I know my heart is unchanged in all of this.
I pray that you will not be tormented by all of these thoughts. If you are saved, and God is doing a work in your life, no amount of experiences, fears, doubts, failures, etc will ever separate you from His love.
I am here if you want to talk
 
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adam7272

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I guess what I am trying to say in above post is that OCD religious type thinking is usually driven by feelings that are about as real as the feelings that drive other compulsive behavior (hand washing, stove checking). You can look at that behaviour and probably see how unreasonable it is. These feelings are not grounded in truth. Only the Bible is grounded in truth. And any other type of thinking should be torn down (as Paul says in 2 Cor 10 - he has weapons divine for tearing down strongholds and vain imaginations that bring them against the knowledge of God).
 
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dabro

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It's kinda hard not to think of our fears when we have OCD. That being said. I'm there in the same boat as you. Today was going smoothly. Then I let the OCD spike and cause so many questions that I got caught up in the madness. Now I'm just trying to keep my stress level down because I have work tomorrow and need to do that. I believe in you. I feel like I'm going to hell and your going to heaven. So please find comfert in this. That like Paul, we suffer the same afflictions.
 
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amandita

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I feel your pain. I've had the thoughts that out of all the people that post on here that I'm the only one lost and everyone else is going to Heaven. I hate having this disorder! Today has been hard for me. I feel so angry that faith and belief seem to come so easy to everyone else, yet I can't even tell what I know/believe/trust.

I said a prayer for you. Please know that you're not alone!
 
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anonym00s

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Honestly everyday I want to quit. I'm almost convinced that I'm hellbound and you all are not. I have a crippling fear of hell that torments me everyday all day. I know Jesus can help me, but it breaks my heart that he doesn't. I'm so sick of doubting when I know the truth. OCD is like hell on earth. It's a form of torture and I know it. I've considered suicide soo many times, even though I know thats bad. The torment that I go through everyday is terrible.

I second what adam7272 said.

I have dealt with OCD that is in my opinion worse than what you are explaining here. I had OCD fear so bad that I broke down crying as a grown man in front of my parents and embarrased myself on more than one occasion. I had insomnia to where I could hardly eat or sleep and would pace back and forth at night instead of sleeping out of anxiety.

I got over it when I just stopped doubting the truth of God's Word that I am saved if I place my trust in Christ for salvation (which necessarily involves repentance from sin).
 
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FutureAndAHope

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Hi,


From your post I imagine you feel you have committed an unpardonable sin. I use verses below to show that the fear is unfounded.



From time to time a person may think that they have committed a sin that is unpardonable, but is it actually scriptural. First I will the most common reason people feel they have committed it, and show that really there is no basis for this for a person who desires repentance.


So what are the scary verses? Hebrew 6 is the most feared.


It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace. - Heb 6:4-6


So that sounds quite scary to a genuine Christian who may have fallen into a sin, or gone back to an old sin. They may well think I have fallen away, I have blasphemed the Holy Spirit and it is as Hebrews says now “Impossible”, to be “bought back to repentance”. However the actual problem with this thinking comes from the idea that the verse is actually meaning that they are currently “crucifying the Son of God all over again”. This thinking would mean that in order for the person to have out sinned God, Jesus sacrifice is no longer there. But how far does it stretch? Only one sin, two sins, no sins, only sins before receiving the Holy Spirit? The latter is often peoples fear, i.e. “I have once been enlightened”, now they feel cut off. But we will actually start with Hebrews to show that the idea that Jesus sacrifice is limited to a few sins or one almighty sin is flawed. Note the following verse:


Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; Heb 9:27-28


So what did that just say, man dies once, so in like manner Jesus dies once. So from my rendering that is a life for a life, one life time of sins for one sacrifice. We don’t face judgment until after we die.


A further verse that supports the idea that sin is covered for a life time is the following


If any man see his brother sin a sin which is not unto death, he shall ask, and he shall give him life for them that sin not unto death. There is a sin unto death: I do not say that he shall pray for it. 1Jn 5:16


Note that Paul says that any sin that is not taken to the grave is forgivable. That God if he has left us alive is seeking eternal life for us. We are to pray for life for the sinning believer while they live. It is only if you die in sin that it is too late.


How forgivable is sin, and once we receive the Holy Spirit are we a super being incapable of sinning? First we must go to a verse directed to those who HAD received the Holy Spirit and it says:


But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. - 1Jn 1:7-9


So firstly he said “if we claim to be with out sin”, or the devil tells you were 100% with out sin, and have now stuffed up, we should quote that verse, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us” but what else does it say God is “is faithful and just and will forgive”. And furthermore what of the verse below:


My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. - 1Jn 2:1-2


But if anyone does sin, we have one who speaks in our defence, so Jesus is actually defending you. Remember what Jesus said to his disciples when they asked how many times their brother could sin and still be forgiven.


Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times”. As we know meaning infinitely. Mat 18:21-22


And what about the book of James:
My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins. - Jas 5:19-20


Also the bible says in Ezekiel


Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, O house of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live! - Eze 18:31-32


What God, does not delight in the death of anyone, so he is not delighting in sinners perishing.


The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. - 2Pe 3:9


So if we confess our sin, it is pardonable, why well the sacrifice of Jesus is available today. Why well God is “faithful and just”, “not willing that anyone perish”, taking “no pleasure in the death of anyone”. But remember it is a life for a life, once for all sin, in the same way it is appointed for man to die once and face the judgment. But hey don’t be scared if you are alive and reading this there is no problem. The only sin that will kill you is totally unrepentant sin, not willing to come back for forgiveness no matter what God says, and if you have that sort you are probably not even interested in reading this page. God is not unjust, he is faithful
 
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BeccaLynn

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Amaui,

Please don't think you are hopeless. I know we tend to feel that way very strongly, but it's not the truth. There's no way God would want you to harm yourself in any way. Anytime you feel that way, it's straight from the enemy who enjoys seeing us suffer.

I understand feeling as if everyone else is genuinely saved but you. I realize how alone and trapped within yourself, your fears, and your thoughts that you can seem. I know how upset I've gotten and how unfair it all appears that some people can just come to Jesus and not question that He lives within them and they are His. That alone feeling is a lie though. God has promised to never leave us, and our feelings cannot change His character. He is true to what He says.

Recently I went up for prayer at our church. The minister prayed for me and I heard him say over me that there was such doubt and such insecurity. He spoke over me to not give up hope. He also said to just trust Jesus and to tell Him I trust Him. I felt like such a hypocrite, but I did it. The thing is that the pastor doesn't really know much at all about what I deal with. I truly think that the Holy Spirit was working through him to let Him know what and how to pray over me.

The point is that God understand us so well. He loves us without end and is compassionate and full of mercy. Ocd tells me that He is angry with me and I can never please Him. But those thoughts are lies also because they lead to feelings of hopelessness and a sense of doom.

I've decided to just concentrate on the Scriptures that help me to think about things that are good and pure, things of good report, as God's Word says. When I feel that God loves me, I respond so differently to life's situations. Again, please don't give up.

Love and Prayers,

Rebecca
 
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redblue22

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I hear you struggling with doubt and knowing the truth. We are in pain with the mixture all have in this life. Some are more aware than others. I'm sure you will keep fighting to take that next step up the flight of stairs. I cannot step to the next level of the house, but only to the next step on the stairs. I'm sure you trust God Jesus enough that you have told him all that you feel and go through. And that is a lot of trust.
 
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Ribosome

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Hi Amaui,

I also have this insane OCD... past 2 days I've also felt the pain of being convinced I'm hell bound.

I wonder if this really is the gospel: We all know we are sinners, and Jesus came and saved sinners by his life, death, and resurrection. He did it himself, without our input. His resurrection proves he had already saved sinners. That is good news for us sinners. All we have to do is hear and believe this good news. He already saved us, he did all the work. We can't lose our salvation by our disobedience or bad works because he already saved us. Anytime we doubt our salvation, we just have to look back at what Jesus has finished for us... he saved us.

Can someone confirm that this infact is the gospel?

I feel that this is the only good news that can help a person who has OCD... to know that Jesus saved us sinners, and we don't have to do anything to maintain this salvation, and that we can't do anything to lose this salvation, because Jesus gave salvation to sinners as a free gift all by himself. Since he already died and saved us sinners and gave the gift, we can't ever lose our salvation. To know that we are saved we just have to look to the cross and the risen Jesus. He saved us, we did not save ourselves. what he did, we cannot undo. He gave us a free gift by himself and we cant undo what he did.

If we feel the urge to cuss at God, or an urge to kill our family, and if we infact do cuss at God, and kill our family, good news, Jesus died and rose for sinners giving us the free gift of eternal life, so we are safe, no matter what we do.

I feel that this is the only news that can help me fight this OCD. To know that Jesus did everything for me all by himself.

Im still confused if that in fact is the gospel... but i really hope it is, because if Jesus did everythign for me, i am safe forever.
 
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