Sister Wives - can we talk bout it?

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hijklmnop

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Almost all of them grew up in the lifestyle. All of the sister wives on that show did. Now some of their older children are considering it.

As for enjoying each other's company in the way that sisters do and having a life separate from their husband? I dont need my husband to have sex with other women in order to have a well-rounded life. That is a ridiculous assertion IMO. I'd rather hang out with my actual sister, sisters-in-law and/or make some friends...that my husband DOESNT get to sleep with! And if you want space and a life of your own then get some hobbies!!! It's not that hard.
 
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Tropical Wilds

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Well I'll tell you something about the daughter of a friend of mine, who has opted for a polygamous marriage to "keep" her wandering husband. Rather than have him secretly have an affair, and possibly leave her for this other woman, they moved her in to live with them. Words fail me at this point. I think it's the most terrible idea ever. If you keep on at that rate - so, perhaps the new s/w meets a guy other than the other gal's husband and is attracted to him, so let's move him in too .. it sounds like a commune, it sounds like 'free love' and hippies, and that part of history just makes me *smh*.

But that arrangement is somewhat different then the polygamous relationship. That one will work itself out at some point.
 
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Tropical Wilds

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Almost all of them grew up in the lifestyle. All of the sister wives on that show did. Now some of their older children are considering it.

Though, from what I've seen, it's not indoctrination for them... They haven't been told to do it. It's only natural that they see it as a family dynamic that they'd want to emulate because it's functional. I thought all the wives, and the husband, had been clear that it's a difficult lifestyle that, if their kids chose, they'd understand it just as if they'd understand if they didn't.

As for enjoying each other's company in the way that sisters do and having a life separate from their husband? I dont need my husband to have sex with other women in order to have a well-rounded life. That is a ridiculous assertion IMO. I'd rather hang out with my actual sister, sisters-in-law and/or make some friends...that my husband DOESNT get to sleep with! And if you want space and a life of your own then get some hobbies!!! It's not that hard.

But for them, it's not an issue, or it's a religious calling. These aren't concerns that trouble them. You not understanding it or not wanting it is kind of a side issue. It's what works for them, just as your relationship is what works for you.
 
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Hetta

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So would you, JRSutt, share your husband with one or two other women? Would you be able to find in the Bible the justification for this? I cannot see this. I do not want to share my husband as a man, a husband or a father with other women.
 
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Hetta

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But that arrangement is somewhat different then the polygamous relationship. That one will work itself out at some point.
No, the girl who is my friend's daughter watches this show, and calls the other woman her "sister wife". They intend to have some kind of ceremony at some point (obviously not a legal one) to "formalize" the arrangement.
 
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JRSut1000

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I have already stated that I personally would and could not do it. But that doesnt mean that because I cant do it, nobody can. There is plenty of examples throughout Scriptures. Some of which didn't turn out so well, some of which there is no comment. But if Paul had to say 'Deacons onlyhave 1 wife' that means it wasnt totally unnormal for other people (laymen) to practice polygyny. It wasnt a sin in the OT and we know God doesnt change so I dont see it inheritanly as sinful. Just not THE best option, but like I said, I think it can work in some situations/circumstances.
 
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Hetta

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As for enjoying each other's company in the way that sisters do and having a life separate from their husband? I dont need my husband to have sex with other women in order to have a well-rounded life. That is a ridiculous assertion IMO. I'd rather hang out with my actual sister, sisters-in-law and/or make some friends...that my husband DOESNT get to sleep with! And if you want space and a life of your own then get some hobbies!!! It's not that hard.
I absolutely agree with this!! Millions of people live well rounded lives every day. I consider my life well rounded, and my husband's and my kids are on their way too - and all that without having to have sex with multiple partners.

I can see a teenage boy trying to sell that to a girl to get into her panties - "to be well rounded I need to experience sex". A smart girl would laugh in his face. If these women were smart, they would see that this is all it is about.

And yes, I can have fantastic relationships with other women without having (or wanting to) have sex with their husbands. In fact .. ew.
 
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hijklmnop

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Though, from what I've seen, it's not indoctrination for them... They haven't been told to do it. It's only natural that they see it as a family dynamic that they'd want to emulate because it's functional. I thought all the wives, and the husband, had been clear that it's a difficult lifestyle that, if their kids chose, they'd understand it just as if they'd understand if they didn't.



But for them, it's not an issue, or it's a religious calling. These aren't concerns that trouble them. You not understanding it or not wanting it is kind of a side issue. It's what works for them, just as your relationship is what works for you.

Well, we were asked for our opinions so I'm sharing mine. I'm not calling for them to be thrown in jail about it or anything. In fact I already stated that I wouldnt object to it bein legalized between consenting adults; but that doesnt mean I approve of it or think it is healthy or right. I happen to think it is wring and unhealthy on a lot of levels.
 
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JohnDB

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I think most of ya'll are focusing on the physical intimacy way too much. That is just one aspect and I would dare say that it isn't his focus. Any hint of that and them women would be outta there in a heartbeat.

What you heard about more from the wives is their relationships with the other wives...not having sex with him...or about him wanting sex with the wives. That was really a downplayed element. But for whatever reason you ladies don't seem to be focusing on nothing else but the sexual aspect of it all.

hummmmm I wonder why
 
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Tropical Wilds

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No, the girl who is my friend's daughter watches this show, and calls the other woman her "sister wife". They intend to have some kind of ceremony at some point (obviously not a legal one) to "formalize" the arrangement.

As I said, that arraignment will sort itself out. Probably sooner rather then later. There's a difference between what these folks are doing and what she's doing. Motivation differentiates similar circumstances.
 
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JRSut1000

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Because women have been 'used' for thousands of years and are quick to pull the abuse/used card because of this. Many women have been left helpless when it comes to these matters throughout history.

But I agree, polygamy is not ALL about sex, though its a factor to consider and cant be ignored either.
 
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Tropical Wilds

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Well, we were asked for our opinions so I'm sharing mine. I'm not calling for them to be thrown in jail about it or anything. In fact I already stated that I wouldnt object to it bein legalized between consenting adults; but that doesnt mean I approve of it or think it is healthy or right. I happen to think it is wring and unhealthy on a lot of levels.

I know, I'm just saying the reasons you have against it have solutions as to why they're OK with it.
 
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Hetta

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As I said, that arraignment will sort itself out. Probably sooner rather then later. There's a difference between what these folks are doing and what she's doing. Motivation differentiates similar circumstances.
Well evidently you must know something about them that I don't, so I guess you must know them personally?
 
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JohnDB

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Well evidently you must know something about them that I don't, so I guess you must know them personally?

I have met several Polygamist families as well...

they tend to hide their lifestyle often. (at least they did while I was growing up)

Kids were well behaved and stayed out of trouble. It was kinda odd in that you never really knew who all was family and who wasn't.
 
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Tropical Wilds

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Well evidently you must know something about them that I don't, so I guess you must know them personally?

I don't need to know them personally to know there's a difference between:

Group A: People who believe in a lifestyle due to a religious/personal calling, who engage in a plural relationship where all participants take part in the selection and inclusion of a new spouse and conduct themselves in a manner that is consistent with their personal beliefs and religious calling and operate by rules within their marriage and their faith to make sure that it's as successful as possible given the circumstances.

and

Group B: A husband who steps out and has an affair and a wife, who doesn't want to put her foot down and force a choice (less the choice be not what she wanted) who emulates the practice, but not the beliefs, teachings, or faith, of a group of people she sees on TV by taking into her household the mistress and calling her a "sister wife."

Contrary to what is running with group A, group B is simply entering into an arrangement that works at the time for all parties. The moment the husband gets bored with either woman, the other woman moves on, or the wife is sick of the arrangement, it will end. Nobody is feeling a calling... The wife just doesn't want to divorce, the husband has no reason to disagree because happily gets both of his options, and the other woman can stay around or go as she chooses. Despite their different marital dynamics, for couple A, the selection of another wife is a group process and not simply a man going out and marking a woman as his and bringing her home, spending all of his time (or a majority of it) with the new wife, then moving on. They have schedules, responsibilities, obligations, etc etc. If the seed of a marriage or new wife had started for group A as it did for group B, the wives would have deemed it an affair and rejected her.

Group A is committed to each other, the belief, and it's practice. Group B is not. Therefore, when things get hard, which they will, group B has no reason to invest in it's solution. Group A does. So, as I said, group B's issues will work themselves out.

I don't know why you're being snotty about it to me, it's just common sense.
 
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Hetta

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No, you said that it would all work out "probably sooner rather than later" - that's what I'm getting snotty about. I actually know personally the people involved, and this has been going on for almost a year. It has caused and is causing heartache and grief to parents and other family members who are troubled as to where this will end, because of the personalities and temperaments of those involved. The silly girl who is the daughter got this idea because of that show. She actually thinks it is a way to save her marriage. It makes me wonder how many other women will hold onto a man at all costs, regardless of what those costs may be. You may think that they go into it with their eyes wide open, but it is one thing to say for the cameras that they did, but who knows their innermost hearts and doubts and fears? I certainly don't pretend that I do know that.
 
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Tropical Wilds

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No, you said that it would all work out "probably sooner rather than later" - that's what I'm getting snotty about. I actually know personally the people involved, and this has been going on for almost a year. It has caused and is causing heartache and grief to parents and other family members who are troubled as to where this will end, because of the personalities and temperaments of those involved. The silly girl who is the daughter got this idea because of that show. She actually thinks it is a way to save her marriage. It makes me wonder how many other women will hold onto a man at all costs, regardless of what those costs may be. You may think that they go into it with their eyes wide open, but it is one thing to say for the cameras that they did, but who knows their innermost hearts and doubts and fears? I certainly don't pretend that I do know that.

Again, they do it as an expression of faith. If they believe it, then they'll live it. If they don't, then they won't. By all accounts, they believe it, and they conduct themselves accordingly. The dynamic existed before the TV show, I'm sure it'll exist in some degree after.

The fact that an insecure woman got the misguided idea to save her marriage based off of what I'd call a very poor understanding of the show, that's her fault, not the fault of the TV show. Regardless, if that's the arraignment they have, that's their business. As I said, I'd put money on the situation working itself out, sooner, rather then later. It's borne out of convenience, not some desire to do anything meaningful or adhere to a belief. Anything with such a rocky foundation isn't going to last, maybe not even due to the desire of the wife, but simply because the husband, who's obviously signed on because he has two willing participants not because he believes in anything He will move on to somebody else. He'll eject the wife, he'll eject the mistress, he'll get a new mistress and somebody will move on, etc etc.

Weak women have been doing desperate things to keep men since love was invented. The common thread to all of it is that time is the judge on how well it'll work out. A year is just a year... Hardly a benchmark of forever.
 
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hijklmnop

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I think most of ya'll are focusing on the physical intimacy way too much. That is just one aspect and I would dare say that it isn't his focus. Any hint of that and them women would be outta there in a heartbeat.

What you heard about more from the wives is their relationships with the other wives...not having sex with him...or about him wanting sex with the wives. That was really a downplayed element. But for whatever reason you ladies don't seem to be focusing on nothing else but the sexual aspect of it all.

hummmmm I wonder why

I dont think those women would be outta there in a heartbeat. They are in that situation due to their religious beliefs....which is interesting when one examines how Smith and Young actually went about plural marriage. *cringe* i guess I have a hard time believing that those women can buy that those relevations truly were from God and not fallible men.

The sex part isn't a downplayed element on the show, it's a no-go zone. They refuse to talk about it. To me that denotes an underlying discomfort about that area of the arrangement as they are willing to share everyhing else with everything else.

And yeah, the intimacy thing is a stickler for me. Why? Because I dont believe that someone's husband should start sleeping with other women
Under the guise of religion. I don't believe that God intended such injustice, difficulty and the short end of the stick, so to speak, for His daughters. God's words regarding what marriage SHOULD be like only ever involved a husband and wife...never Wives. That precedent was set only by men.
 
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Romanseight2005

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What gets me is how the guy is ok with his part in creating the drama/dysfunction between the women...and also adopts the attitude that they need to "work through it".

What I'd like to see is a series where the roles are reversed - and all of the polygamous men are married to a single woman...So - she has like 4-5 husbands. Then make sure the 5th one is just huge in the pants and they all know it...and see how that pans out with the insecurities of those men. lol


:thumbsup::thumbsup: Exactly!
 
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Romanseight2005

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I dont think those women would be outta there in a heartbeat. They are in that situation due to their religious beliefs....which is interesting when one examines how Smith and Young actually went about plural marriage. *cringe* i guess I have a hard time believing that those women can buy that those relevations truly were from God and not fallible men.

The sex part isn't a downplayed element on the show, it's a no-go zone. They refuse to talk about it. To me that denotes an underlying discomfort about that area of the arrangement as they are willing to share everyhing else with everything else.

And yeah, the intimacy thing is a stickler for me. Why? Because I dont believe that someone's husband should start sleeping with other women
Under the guise of religion. I don't believe that God intended such injustice, difficulty and the short end of the stick, so to speak, for His daughters. God's words regarding what marriage SHOULD be like only ever involved a husband and wife...never Wives. That precedent was set only by men.

Exactly! It's the elephant in the room that they all know is a big deal, but it's not allowed to be talked about.
 
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