Need Advice

Boidae · Dec 22, 2012

In the mail today I received a letter from the school that my oldest attends (he's 13) that they themselves sent to his mom, my ex-girlfriend. In the letter it states that my son has missed 23 days of school and that they are starting to investigate the reason for his absences. He is also failing the majority of his classes.

I know that he had been out a week and a half a couple weeks ago because of the flu and subsequent pneumonia. He had also been sick a couple other times keeping him out a day or two, but he has been absent a total of 23 days. I know that he fights with his mom about going to school and she just throws up her hands and gives up and lets him stay home because she has my 4 other kids to get off to school and I guess can't continue to fight with him about going.

Now I have talked with him about his attendance record many times, but my talking holds no weight since I live 1200 miles away. What I say goes in one ear and out the other. He wants to stay home and play on the computer all day long. I would take it away from him, but again, I'm not there, so it's left up to his mom.

She isn't alone as the guy that she left me for lives with her, but beyond yelling at them (I heard him on a few occasions when talking with them) I don't know what he is doing to help. My hope is that he's doing more than just yelling.

Beyond talking to him I don't have a clue what else to do. His mom doesn't exactly communicate with me when things go wrong. I have asked her to help me to help her by telling me so we can both put up a united front so to speak.

The end result is that if his attendance doesn't improve they will call CPS and from there I'm not sure what CPS will do.

I pray for my children every night and their mom. As mentioned I have talked with him many times. I have talked with his counselor and he said for me to speak with him and that is all he recommended.

I guess I need to know what more I can do? I am at a loss for what to do.

Tigger45 · Dec 22, 2012

Wow that is very serious. Is there anyway you can move closer?

Boidae · Dec 22, 2012

tigger45 said:
Wow that is very serious. Is there anyway you can move closer?

There is not, no.

I have a wife with multiple sclerosis and a newborn to think about. Plus, we don't have the money to up and move.

My wife also does not want to leave her mother alone as we seem to be her only family that actually pays attention to her. Her mother doesn't want to move out of Florida.

L0NEW0LF · Dec 22, 2012

The best thing to do would be to have your son move in with you. It sounds like his mom is way too relaxed. If he lived with you you'd be able to put your foot down and get him back on the right track. 5 kids is probably pretty demanding on his mom as well, so it would give her some slack.

Boidae · Dec 22, 2012

L0NEW0LF said:
The best thing to do would be to have your son move in with you. It sounds like his mom is way too relaxed. If he lived with you you'd be able to put your foot down and get him back on the right track. 5 kids is probably pretty demanding on his mom as well, so it would give her some slack.

She would never allow that to happen. I have asked her before when my middle son now age 9 was having problems last year before school started and she wouldn't allow him to come live with me.

She would never allow any of my kids to come live with me.

LilLamb219 · Dec 22, 2012

Can you call the school and talk about options for your son's education? Some of them have special programs to help kids get through the year.

Boidae · Dec 22, 2012

LilLamb219 said:
Can you call the school and talk about options for your son's education? Some of them have special programs to help kids get through the year.

They have tried I'm guessing by what the letter says, but he has to go to school to be in those programs.

L0NEW0LF · Dec 22, 2012

Is this a situation where legal action is needed? You're his parent too. You have rights. She isn't looking too good with him missing nearly a month of school not even halfway through the school year.

Tigger45 · Dec 22, 2012

When I initially got my divorce my ex had custody of our two kids. It wasn't too long when my ex started drinking way too much. I ended up getting custody of the kids. Having a good rapport with his school can help in a lot of ways.

suzybeezy · Dec 22, 2012

If CPS steps in and removes him from his mother's home, they would have to contact you. There are interstate compacts that would allow for you to step in and bring him into your home until things can be worked out with him mom. In fact, if this in an ongoing issue, it may be enough grounds for you to bring this up before a judge and possible renegotiate custody of this child. Who knows, maybe your ex may even welcome it. Sounds like she's overwhelmed and has just given up on him. You may need to step in at this point.

Carmella Prochaska · Dec 22, 2012

The best thing to do would be to take away his priveleges including his computer. I can't see any other way around it ... there needs to be stricter parenting on his mum's part also, she shouldn't just give up & let him do what he wants. That's the worst thing she can do.

tbogunro · Dec 22, 2012

Boidae said:
In the mail today I received a letter from the school that my oldest attends (he's 13) that they themselves sent to his mom, my ex-girlfriend. In the letter it states that my son has missed 23 days of school and that they are starting to investigate the reason for his absences. He is also failing the majority of his classes.

I know that he had been out a week and a half a couple weeks ago because of the flu and subsequent pneumonia. He had also been sick a couple other times keeping him out a day or two, but he has been absent a total of 23 days. I know that he fights with his mom about going to school and she just throws up her hands and gives up and lets him stay home because she has my 4 other kids to get off to school and I guess can't continue to fight with him about going.

Now I have talked with him about his attendance record many times, but my talking holds no weight since I live 1200 miles away. What I say goes in one ear and out the other. He wants to stay home and play on the computer all day long. I would take it away from him, but again, I'm not there, so it's left up to his mom.

She isn't alone as the guy that she left me for lives with her, but beyond yelling at them (I heard him on a few occasions when talking with them) I don't know what he is doing to help. My hope is that he's doing more than just yelling.

Beyond talking to him I don't have a clue what else to do. His mom doesn't exactly communicate with me when things go wrong. I have asked her to help me to help her by telling me so we can both put up a united front so to speak.

The end result is that if his attendance doesn't improve they will call CPS and from there I'm not sure what CPS will do.

I pray for my children every night and their mom. As mentioned I have talked with him many times. I have talked with his counselor and he said for me to speak with him and that is all he recommended.

I guess I need to know what more I can do? I am at a loss for what to do.

You live 1200 mules away and ou've prayed right? Then you've done what you can do, now let God handle it. God cares more about your son than you or anyone believe it or not. You can't ask God to intervene and keep worrying or trying to handle the matter. Sometimes there's only so much we can do but God has no limits so continue being there for your son when he needs you and STOP worrying about it. As long as you keep trying God will step back but pray, keep being there, NEVER worry, and God will work in him

. No amount of you trying can change the heart only God can so KNOW that God is ALWAYS a better parent and you're son WILL turn around. Hey I was once like that and received a bunch of speeches from my parents lol but at the end of the day there prayers where ANSWERED. You're son will turn around, so NEVER worry and just keep being the good father you are

Boidae · Dec 23, 2012

tigger45 said:
When I initially got my divorce my ex had custody of our two kids. It wasn't too long when my ex started drinking way too much. I ended up getting custody of the kids. Having a good rapport with his school can help in a lot of ways.

My wife pretty much said the same thing as far as having a good rapport with the school. I haven't contacted them yet this year, but did so last year.

My only concern is that they are switching schools once Christmas break is over because they moved two towns over. My wife says I should contact the old school anyway and speak with his counselor because my contacting them still shows a concerned parent. I have to figure out what this new school is called and start the process of having their report cards sent to me and anything else that is pertinent to my children.

Hopefully, I can maintain a good rapport with this school district.

LoricaLady · Dec 26, 2012

I wonder if CPS might be a good thing. I wonder if you could possibly care for the child yourself and if CPS and a good lawyer might help that to happen. It is wonderful that you are so concerned for your child.

I will be praying for you to be given wisdom and guidance on this as it certainly is a tough one. Also praying for your peace of mind.

sunshine456 · Dec 26, 2012

The scriptures are a perfect place to find the answers to your questions and Colossians 3 is a great place to start. Children need discipline and they do deserve respect. My best advise is to listen first intently to what your child reason is, but know that absences from lifes daily duties has consequences.

The scriptures tell us many times about the honor in submission to authority and as a parent you have that authority to administer LOVEin a manner that encourages, instead of discourages.

I would highly consider home schooling as we all know public schools are becoming less safe and in general could be depicted as a breeding ground for immorality and unsafe practices.

You have to ask yourself "Do you/we really want another person educating your/our children that may or may not be christian and in fact my be the complete opposite in thier lifestyle?"

Boidae · Dec 26, 2012

sunshine456 said:
The scriptures are a perfect place to find the answers to your questions and Colossians 3 is a great place to start. Children need discipline and they do deserve respect. My best advise is to listen first intently to what your child reason is, but know that absences from lifes daily duties has consequences.

The scriptures tell us many times about the honor in submission to authority and as a parent you have that authority to administer LOVEin a manner that encourages, instead of discourages.

I would highly consider home schooling as we all know public schools are becoming less safe and in general could be depicted as a breeding ground for immorality and unsafe practices.

You have to ask yourself "Do you/we really want another person educating your/our children that may or may not be christian and in fact my be the complete opposite in thier lifestyle?"

Since I'm not there, while I can listen to what he has to say, anything I say goes in one ear and out the other.

Homeschooling is not an option. He mother doesn't have the resources or ability to home school five children. They are better getting their education at a public school over no where at all.

Need Advice

Senior Veteran

Pray like your life depends on it!

Senior Veteran

Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod

Senior Veteran

The Lamb is gone

Senior Veteran

Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod

Pray like your life depends on it!

Reports Manager

Carmella Prochaska

Guest

Newbie

Senior Veteran

YHWH's

Newbie

Senior Veteran

Similar threads