Give "Bad" Advice

Yes, have the chicken pour drinks while you set the table.

Should I shave my head?

Yes, this will help you avoid a case of head lice.

What goes good with sloppy joes?

Liver and onions with a side of moldy greens

Should I drive to work today?

No, you should float. It works for your avatar!

Can I float too?

Yes! Float on the ocean to get to your European destination. It's fun.

How do you fight off a shark?

make yourself look as much like a baby seal as possible.

How should I get a knot out of Christmas lights?

Cut around the knots and then tie the two loose ends together

Should I go to bed early?

No, you should go to bed late. 1:30 AM at the earliest.

What kind of dog would be good with cats?

One that chases them to keep them well exercised.

What should I get my wife for her birthday?

A robot that does the housework

What should I have for lunch today?

I recommend a coleslaw and gravy sandwich.

Suggestions on what desssert to bring to a Christmas party?

Liver and seaweed cookies, baked to a near-perfect golden brown. Should go over big with everyone; someone may even ask you for the recipe!

What is the best solution for removing a splinter?

Try soaking the affected area in battery acid until the splinter is exposed and eventually disolves away. The good thing about this method is you don't have to bother with tweezers.

How should I display my drawing I made in art class?

Go to the tallest billboard and hang it up there

what remedy can you give me for a cold?

Go for a long jog in some crisp cold fresh air. Then go home and drink an ice cold soda and eat some cookies.

How can I stay healthy during flu season?

Absolutely not! Credit cards were put on this earth for a reason. Put the computer on your Mastercard. Pay the Mastercard with your Visa. Pay the Visa with your Discover... If you are lucky you'll have them all so confused that you end up paying nothing.

What should we name our new puppy?

You should randomly select the first word you see when you open a dictionary. This is what you will name your new puppy.

Where's the best location to study for final exams?

Promise yourself that you will climb Mount Everest in May.

How to stay awake while driving...?