So you discover that your wife used to be a man

Um I think I would find that info out BEFORE I married her/him...

is this a troll thread?

Love them no less. The past is the past, what they identify as when I met them is all that matters and is who I fell in love with. With that said, I'd like to think that whoever I marry would share something like that during the friendship/dating stage. I don't plan on committing my life to someone I don't know.

Moonshiner said:

After some years of marriage you discover your wife used to be a man or vice versa, what would you do?

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Oh well. We're married now. No parting till death.

Slightly longer answer: I understand why someone would wish to conceal that about themselves, and it's a shame that people feel they have to. However the fact would remain that whatever they did in the past made them who they were when I met them. The person I met became the person I married, and I remained married to for a few years before they revealed that aspect of themselves. It doesn't change who they are, and I would not seek an annulment because seriously if they had managed to get me down the aisle and living with them for a few years then regardless of their previous gender reassignment surgery they're someone I want to remain married to. It comes with its own complications, especially in a Christian setting, but marriage is a big commitment. Gender reassignment is not a bad thing to admit to having, and on the list of possible admissions from a future spouse is not one that makes me go "OH NO, YOU VILE CREATURE, OUR MARRIAGE IS OVER".

Obzocky said:

Oh well. We're married now. No parting till death.

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Sounds about right.

Moonshiner said:

After some years of marriage you discover your wife used to be a man or vice versa, what would you do?

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You find out your husband used to be a man? Your man used to be a wife?

that's easily grounds for annulment. See you later

I suppose you've got one of two choices.Take your pick.

Choice 1 has already been mentioned, "till death do you part".

Choice 2 is to divorce due to deception. Especially if you wanted children as it becomes apparent that this is an impossibility. The sex change is only partial, since it's not possible to make everything work completely to the best of my knowledge. That kind of thing is quite a thing to deceive about, too.

I can imagine that Catholics who find themselves in this situation would have little trouble getting an annulment since the marriage itself would be held to be deceptive. I can imagine reasons that some congregations might put both husband and "wife" (or wife and "husband") out under a "thou shalt remove the evil from amongst you" doctrine at least until such time as the "fake woman/fake man" situation was satisfactorily resolved.

No two ways about it, deceiving your partner about your true sex is a messy business.

It's really hard to say what exactly I would do if I have already been married to him/her for a few years, then find out. I know a few things though..

I'd feel betrayed and lied to
I'd feel disgusted
I'd be angry at being lied to
I'd question how I view them, because of such a lie, I'd question their character
I'd wonder at the moral implications

Can't say I'd just up and go/get a divorce, but such a revelation would have me questioning the validity of my vows, which is not a good thing for staying married.

I'd have to wonder, too, if my "wife" could lie to me about a thing like that, what else should I have known about???? A "she" that used to be a he is quite a bit to swallow (no pun intended).

Fortunately I'm a little less likely to run into this problem. People of my generation have already passed that point for the most part, this seems to be a young-people's game. By this time, any "woman" that used to be a man will have had to either come clean about it or have been exposed, in all probability. I can't help thinking there's some other issues besides just the sex-change that come out, too.

Moonshiner said:

After some years of marriage you discover your wife used to be a man or vice versa, what would you do?

Click to expand...

I would say this to him:

(Hit the road Jack and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
(Hit the road Jack and don't you come back no more.)

I would be more upset and hurt by the lies then anything.

Blind post.

Nobody's perfect

Umm...I'd be out of there ridiculously fast. No need to explain. It's done. Over.

I know this probably makes me in the minority around here (which is fine), but seriously...there are some things that love really just can't conquer. That's one of them..for me anyway.

Go on Jerry Springer, pretend like I didn't know, then get all outraged on TV, and then go get my check.

I'm not sure if I would stay or leave. All I know is that I would not allow myself to be guilt tripped and bullied by him/her/whatever. From what I've seen, many of them are pretty pushy.

I'd most likely leave, especially if the relationship wasn't doing that great.

I don't think it's likely that you could be married to someone for a long time and not know. Their parents know, their childhood friends and classmates, etc. It would take a lot of deception to keep it under wraps. Just living under that kind of deception and fear of being found out would take it's toll, I imagine.

Okay, a tad more serious and related question:

What if they didn't know this about themselves? It happens sometimes when a child is born with birth defects or other chromosomal issues that lead to ambiguity. The parents then usually have to make a decision about which to assign the child, and they can get it wrong (there are even documented cases of this happening*). The child only finds out later, sometimes at puberty, or even later. And if in the unfortunate circumstance that they were left orphaned before being told about it, it's not totally inconceivable that they might not find out until they're well into a serious relationship. What then?


*and of overbearing, abusive doctors that took it upon themselves to do something without the parents' consent, or of botched surgery that lead to similarly 'wrong' assignment under coercion, or so on.