- May 22, 2004
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Ever since I first realized that I have depression, I've been concerned about the possibility of becoming suicidal. Even though I have never wanted to die, I try to find ways to combat this. One of the methods that has been particuarly sucessful for me is to focus on one signficant milestone that will lift my spirits and make me feel better about myself.
In November of 2010, I thought I had my first one. I paid my student loans off. It did help, but I knew I had to keep going. For awhile after that, it was a combination of hoping to graduate and, in October of last year, I got braces, which was also on the agenda. Some days, it would take a blood donation for me to feel good. In June of this year, two really big ones came along, graduating from univeristy at long last after parts of eight years in my undergrad program and getting my driver's license.
But now I feel stuck again. There are a couple of noteworthy things coming up. There's the entrance interview for the college diloma program I'm trying to get into, as well as my tenth blood donation at the end of the month, and there is recognition that goes with that. But neither of these has the same motivation as the previous things did. The diploma program is important to me, but I've had no luck getting an entry level library job now, so I fear that the library diploma program may not yield any better results. And the blood donation thing is nice, but it's not the most signficant milestone either.
I'm not about to take m own life, but I'm starting to see how this outlook on life I have developed is a blessing and a problem at the same time. Any thoughts?
In November of 2010, I thought I had my first one. I paid my student loans off. It did help, but I knew I had to keep going. For awhile after that, it was a combination of hoping to graduate and, in October of last year, I got braces, which was also on the agenda. Some days, it would take a blood donation for me to feel good. In June of this year, two really big ones came along, graduating from univeristy at long last after parts of eight years in my undergrad program and getting my driver's license.
But now I feel stuck again. There are a couple of noteworthy things coming up. There's the entrance interview for the college diloma program I'm trying to get into, as well as my tenth blood donation at the end of the month, and there is recognition that goes with that. But neither of these has the same motivation as the previous things did. The diploma program is important to me, but I've had no luck getting an entry level library job now, so I fear that the library diploma program may not yield any better results. And the blood donation thing is nice, but it's not the most signficant milestone either.
I'm not about to take m own life, but I'm starting to see how this outlook on life I have developed is a blessing and a problem at the same time. Any thoughts?
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