Need Advice

Ok so let me know which option is correct:

1.) You want to leave your wife becuase she can't accept that you are mentally ill so you are hiding it from her, to some extent, so she will be at ease. Leaving her would be good for both of you.

2.) you want to leave your wife because you want to start a new life whereby you can start over with a new name, life, personality.

JustKeepStruggling said:

Hey all, first post here I think I'd like input or advice on my situation. I say I think because perhaps I just want to be heard. I'm married, but I have no friends, no one to talk to to (that wants to listen). I am a Christian and I know that God is definitely looking out for me, but I don't believe I know Him anywhere near as well as I want to.

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Do you tend to talk at length at share a lot of negativity?

JustKeepStruggling said:

They have all, through a variety of weight loss surgeries, lost most of their weight. They are all still unhealthy and overweight. Why is this relevant? It's where their issues seem to seep out. They all live in deep denial. My mother is extremely manipulative, my father is on a variety of medications because he "used" to have dissociative identity disorder and a tendency toward loud, non-violent outbursts of anger. My sister is on a host of medications for myriad issues, yet has solved none of those issues. I don't know what my mother's situation is, medically. They are all messed up, but they stuff it down. I didn't stuff it down, so they called me "sensitive" and pointed at me as the reason for any and all family strife.

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Some people, they think stupid unnecessary self-defeating thoughts and are just filled with bitterness; they look for a person to serve as their toilet in which to dump all their emotional crap. Problem is, apart from using that person, is that there's a never ending stream of crap to share. They wear one person out, they leave, then they find themself another person to be their toilet, then on they go again.

What they need is to be born-again, then to retrain their thought processes towards godliness in order to deal with the source of the problem. This involves repentence.

I won't read the rest of your post because I can't be bothered.

Have a nice day.

Hi there justkeepstruggling; I read your story with great interest and indeed I could relate very much to your struggles. You suggest that you would like to know God better than you do now. First thing you might consider is that God knows you very well indeed and He has since the creation of man known you and loved you. Yes He created us all in the same instant and we all get one chance to come into the world and get to know Him. This is indeed the purpose of our lives here. A trip to Calvary might help you and this can be done in the comfort of your own lazy boy chair. Not long ago I did this trip and the first thing I did when I saw Jesus was to fall on my face in the mud and the blood and ask His forgiveness. He picked me up and dusted me off and said "go my son and sin no more." Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
In His Love. Allan
In His grace. Allan

1. Stay with your wife or expect extremely bad problems for your self.

2. Get to the point. I read the whole thing and you are relying on your tongue to hide your problems. What are you lying to your wife about? Something.

3. Forget about your old family. They are them, you are you. Past is past. Divorce it. Move on. Be Lot leaving Sodom and Gemorrah. Done with.

If you wish to bring them up again in your mind, your heart, your life do so knowing you will be punished by doing so. It will waste your time and drain your life.

4. Get to the basics in your life. You must be doing something really bad to be causing so many problems with your wife. Get rid of it.

5. Stick to the basics in your own understanding. Smart people with a gift of gab can be so used to deceiving others then forget they deceive their own selves. This leaves you out of control. Get in control. What makes you happy. What makes you sad.


Edit: I believe you when you say you think about leaving your wife so as to not hurt her anymore. She is there for you, not the other way around.

Think of her as your nurse.

God joined you two, do not try and separate yourselves.

Ultimately, that reasoning is selfish. No big deal, we are all ultimately selfish. Because when you do bad to her you yourself feel bad.

The best advice I can offer is this-- stop pretending.
Your wife has been by you all this time, she knows "you"
unless she is in "denial".

You both need to be in marriage counseling and having prayer
partners and Christian mentors would be beneficial for each of you.

Your spouse is your help-meet and you are to be the same for her.
Marriage is where the two become ONE-- that's not happening yet
for you all. You are focused on self and wanting to get free and go
do your own thing. Marriage is work, I won't lie to you and it is not
without pain for both parties involved.

It's not I, it's US.
We are in this marriage together.

Run, (do not walk) with your wife to marriage counseling and spiritual counseling,
you two need help.

OP-- our biggest problem is that we are selfish and want our own way.
The bible states we are to "die to self" each day-- this takes a lot of effort/practice.
We tend to think/believe the grass is greener elsewhere.
Many of us have gotten off the path of righteousness by following our on desires
that are contrary to the Word of God.

I know I'm guilty of the very thing-- that's how I ended up in my first marriage
to a non-Christian, I took the focus off of God and focused on "me". I looked
at others who were doing better than I was and decided I wanted what they have--
big mistake!
I suffered for my mistakes!


Check out these links:
Communication and Conflict - Focus on the Family

Christian Counseling

Hello there JustKeepStruggling.

I think that is the same for most Christians. Well I know it is the case for me. the more I find out the more I know that I have only scratched the surface of who God is and what he has done for me.

Congratulations on all that you have accomplished! It is great to see you taking an active role in trying to deal with your issues. It is great to see that you know what the issues are because then they are things that you can work on. Medication is good, but I think that this needs to be done in concert with counselling (though I am sure you are well aware of that!) Are you doing some sort of counselling?

Do you feel that she helped you through these things? Do you think you would go back to your old habits if you were not with her anymore? Have you both been to counselling together?

It sounds like she needs you at the moment as you needed her earlier. I think that you may have too much on your plate at the moment. Both of you trying to degrees at once is probably going to have one or both of you suffering because of it. I would suggest you talk about a better plan.

You should know by now that there are always going to be things that we don't like about our spouses, but we have to learn to work through them. Love is about accepting the whole of the person not just the bits we like. There are some things I really find difficult about my wife, but I love her all the more because it is what I am called to do by God. When I entered into my marriage I was making a three way covenant between myself, my wife and God. I see myself as the love provider for my wife as I seek to be in perfect relationship just like God is in within himself. Maybe a weird way of thinking about it, but it works for me...

I think what you have to say is interesting to the right type of people and by the sounds of it both you and your wife need to find friends. Are you part of a local church? If not, please find one, you may be surprised how friendships are created there.
It sounds like you have done some some pretty good things lately (what was your record on the squat rack?)
Basically you can not be around each other all the time or it will drive you insane. It is not a bad thing to tell your mate that you need time alone as long as you clearly communicate this. It sounds like your communication at the moment is a little lacking and you need to find a way back. If you feel that she can not deal with all your issues then you must find outside help with it. Honesty is not enough, truth and love are more important and yes there is a difference between truth and honesty.
Well if you need any clarity on what I have said just write in the thread and hopefully I can answer things for you though I am not expert and I am only giving you my opinion so please take it as that. Just my opinion.

i feel sorry for her your leading her on. i would talk to her and let her choose and hopefully it will work out for both. she loves you for who you are now so why change things??

I am glad I could help, but all glory goes to God. Shout out if you want to talk more. Nice squat btw!