Kind of curious - what do you like?

peckaboo

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So, my husband and I had assumed before getting married that we'd have kids, but in the last 8 or 9 months or so we've been talking more about the possibility of choosing not to have any. Mostly because we don't think we'd make particularly good parents, partly because we're not convinced that our home life is a real stable environment for kids to grow up in, and partly for selfish (?) reasons related to the convenience of being child-free.

I love kids. Absolutely adore them. Love being around them, and they tend to gravitate towards me too. But I don't think I'd be a good mother. There are a bunch of things I don't trust myself not to pass on to my kids, like a horrible body image and anorexia (currently under control, but I just don't think I'll ever learn not to see food as a huge moral issue, or develop "normal" eating habits).

So I'm just curious... what do you like about being childfree? And what do you find difficult? Do any of you regret your decision not to have kids?
 
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snoochface

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I don't regret it in the least. Any maternal instinct that might have lived in me was satisfied by nurturing and loving my dogs :)

What I love about it:

Having the time to spend with my husband doing things we love without having to worry about keeping it kid-friendly or hiring a babysitter.

Disposable income - which isn't really disposable, but helps bridge the gap for our retirement.

Having a lot of quiet time during my day. No noise, no demands on my attention, no whining, just... peace and quiet.

Having the freedom to come and go as I please without having to plan around a child's schedule and needs.

Not having the responsibility of what I might do to a child (emotional baggage, legacies, medical issues, etc.) or the responsibility of what a child might be in the world.

I feel no emptiness, sadness, lack of fulfillment, or regret in not having children. I am able to fill my life with things that I enjoy (I don't enjoy being around children for long periods of time, generally). I can serve God, my family, and my community in ways that people with the restrictions of children cannot, filling needs that might otherwise go unmet. There is a lot of freedom in the child free world for me.
 
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Anessa14

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So, my husband and I had assumed before getting married that we'd have kids, but in the last 8 or 9 months or so we've been talking more about the possibility of choosing not to have any. Mostly because we don't think we'd make particularly good parents, partly because we're not convinced that our home life is a real stable environment for kids to grow up in, and partly for selfish (?) reasons related to the convenience of being child-free.

I love kids. Absolutely adore them. Love being around them, and they tend to gravitate towards me too. But I don't think I'd be a good mother. There are a bunch of things I don't trust myself not to pass on to my kids, like a horrible body image and anorexia (currently under control, but I just don't think I'll ever learn not to see food as a huge moral issue, or develop "normal" eating habits).

So I'm just curious... what do you like about being childfree? And what do you find difficult? Do any of you regret your decision not to have kids?

what do we like? being childfree :)
difficult- nothing about it is difficult for us
regrets? NONE
 
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Puptart

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So I'm just curious... what do you like about being childfree? And what do you find difficult? Do any of you regret your decision not to have kids?

The main thing I love about being child-free is.. not having any kids :p Because unlike you, I do not like children ^_^ I can't stand to be around them.

Bu what else do I like? Oh I don't know.. sleeping in on weekends.. spontaneous trips where ever we wanna go, whenever we wanna go.. extra money that doesn't have to go toward the maintenance of another human life.. 8 hours of solid sleep every night.. coming home from a long, hard day of work and just relaxing for the entire evening... only being responsible for ourselves and no one else.. the list goes on and on.

What do we find difficult? Um.. nothing :sorry: Perhaps the only thing difficult is having to endure the endless questions from parents or people who want kids, as if we're misguided. That gets a little annoying after awhile. But ultimately it's not hard to deal with that, just entirely annoying.

Do we regret it? Heck no! :D
 
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dorig59

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OR you could have kids, give up everything for them, take care of them selflessly, and do everything you can possibly do that is involved in raising children, and then when they're grown, one of them goes to a shrink who tells her she should cut you (her mother) out of her life completely with no particular explanation other than some sort of veiled reference that you were somehow abusive towards her when she was growing up. And youre standing there going WHAAAAAT? Yea, let's all run & sign up for that.
 
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Nathanomir

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I'm rather new here and haven't posted much, but I thought I'd chime in on this one.

Trish and I have been blissfully childfree for 25 years, and we recently made the decision to become permanently babyproofed.

What do we like about it?

SEX! We'll both be honest about that. We've both heard horror tales from our friends with children who are just too tired and mentally unhinged at the end of the day to even spend ten minutes talking with each other, much less actually romancing each other. We married each other to be with each other in as many ways as possible, so we never wanted to give that up. When people ask us why we don't have kids, we answer "We heard that you can have sex or you can have children, but you can't have both. Guess which one we chose?" The other people always look so jealous.

I have emotional issues. For 19 years, I was mired in chronic depression. Now, I have agoraphobia. There is no way I'd want a child to be on the receiving end of that. So, I can focus on trying to manage this instead of hiding it. Trish says she has anger issues (I've never seen them) and would probably have beaten the brat to death by now. Childfree is selfish? No, I think our choice was rather egalitarian.

I'm a writer. Not the most economically stable of jobs. If we had children, there's no way I could create my little worlds and people, much less try to live on what I make. Some writers can. Not me. I'm not wired that way. Being childfree allows me to be me.

It's quiet! The cats don't care if I want to write to jazz music, or just sit and listen to the breeze blow outside. I'm an only child, so I'm zealous of solitude. I like it. I'd go bonkers if I heard video games zapping all day. Trish is the same way for the same reasons.

And of course, the obvious ones -- we get to choose the vacations, restaurants, movies, and home decorations. The cats don't care.

I did have one moment of regret last week, however. I'm working on a novel that actually has commercial potential and could expand into a series. It occured to me that I don't have an heir to leave the rights to. On the heels of that came this thought -- Yes, I don't have an heir, so I get to choose who I leave the rights to. I'm not bound by any convention or emotions to leave them to someone who may not care about them just because he's my kid. Took care of that regret fast!
 
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Puptart

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OR you could have kids, give up everything for them, take care of them selflessly, and do everything you can possibly do that is involved in raising children, and then when they're grown, one of them goes to a shrink who tells her she should cut you (her mother) out of her life completely with no particular explanation other than some sort of veiled reference that you were somehow abusive towards her when she was growing up. And youre standing there going WHAAAAAT? Yea, let's all run & sign up for that.

awe dori :hug: I read about the situation with your daughter, I'm really sorry things are the way they are, but if it makes you feel any better: I was almost the exact same way with my mom for a good chunk of my young adult life.. I had mental health problems that were out of control, but are now very much in control and now I'm not like that anymore. My point is just to say that there is hope, given time anyway. I figured it out all on my own.

[/off-topic] But you're right, that's not something I wanna sign up for :p LOL
 
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Purge187

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I believe I'm making the right choice by not bringing children into this fallen world, and there's coming a day when many others will see why we didn't.


Luke 23:29: "For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed [are] the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck."
 
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dorig59

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awe dori :hug: I read about the situation with your daughter, I'm really sorry things are the way they are, but if it makes you feel any better: I was almost the exact same way with my mom for a good chunk of my young adult life.. I had mental health problems that were out of control, but are now very much in control and now I'm not like that anymore. My point is just to say that there is hope, given time anyway. I figured it out all on my own.

[/off-topic] But you're right, that's not something I wanna sign up for :p LOL

Thank you for your kind words
 
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We have never regretted our decision to be childfree. We like children, ifact I spent many years working with kids as a Scout leader and Sunday School teacher but the great thing was that they went home to their parents afterwards.

We enjoy the freedom to go where we want, do what we want and to be quite frank we have more sexual freedom than a lot of our friends have, we don't have to worry about being interupted if we want an early night and not neccessarily the bedroom.

We did seroiusly discuss the matter about children first of course and after eight years decided that this was not the road for us.
 
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snoochface

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Worcester Bacon, how do you reconcile your childfreedom with being catholic? (If you don't want to answer this rather personal question please ignore it! :sorry: )
(I'm a cradle catholic and I'm confused about what I believe right now.)

I've missed you!! :hug:
 
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Difficulties: Being 30 years old (almost) and still childfree here in the South. People give us scathing looks, as if it's our God-given responsibility to bear lots of good righteous children. They assume we're using birth control and are thus denying God's will for our lives. But the truth is we CAN'T have them (Hubby has Klinefelter's; means his chromosomes are XXY not XY, and also lupus which means no agency would adopt to us) and we don't want them anyway. At any rate when we say we can't have them and he has lupus and that adoption agencies would not adopt to us, they just say "well, we'll pray that God opens your womb." It's not my womb, it's his genetic code.
 
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Audiomechanic

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Difficulties: Being 30 years old (almost) and still childfree here in the South. People give us scathing looks, as if it's our God-given responsibility to bear lots of good righteous children. They assume we're using birth control and are thus denying God's will for our lives.

YES

My wife and I live in Houston, Texas and my wife gets 'bingoed" pretty frequently. I wish I would get bingoed more than she because I'm the quick and witty one just looking for a chance to retort! I walk around looking for a "fight" but never start one. ;)

Things I like about being CF?
-Peace and quiet
-Freedom
-Money
-Closer relationship to my wife
-The fact that my wife's whole world doesn't revolve around our kids we don't have
-More time to devote to other things like hobbies, interests, careers, or just relaxing
-Not having to childproof anything
-Seeeeeeeeeeeex without fear of waking the "cheerinz"

The list goes on, but I'll stop there. :)
 
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