Ugh, so I don't know if this is just hypochondria or if I really do have all this--- HOWEVER let me start by saying that my family can't afford to go to a doctor at this moment and I don't expect any sort of diagnostic, I'm just confused I guess and want to rant to people who might understand.
So, I'll start with:
I'm pretty sure I have OCD and ADD, but I also seem to suspect Aspergers?
My OCD symptoms include:
Intrusive thoughts(violent mainly, but occasional blasphemous and/or sexual... One of the reasons I have no desire to drive is because I have violent thoughts about car accidents when I'm in a car, so I don't want to drive one)
Compulsive handwashing(fear of contamination and contaminating others)
Compulsive straightening of items on tables, near me, making books or object face the same direction(If you saw my room, you wouldn't believe it, but that's where the 'battling' comes in)
Guilt and doubt over the smallest things
And I like to sit on the RIGHT sides of rooms, cars, desks, tables, whatever. I feel more uncomfortable on the left side of the rooms.
I think I have a few other random compulsions, but right now I can't really remember then. xP
ADD symptoms include:
Major distractability... like right now I should be doing History or English, but I just can't.
Like, when it comes to subjects I don't like, I can't pay attention to them even if I try. I can barely remember anything from history class since it bores me to death. I've been trying to get myself to read chapter 5 of history all day, but I keep finding other things to do.
However, when it comes to something I'm interested in, you have my, usually, undivided attention.
I forget things I'm supposed to do shortly after being told them
My room's a MESS(but the OCD part of me makes me always stressed out in my room usually, but the ADD part makes me keep getting distracted and not wanting to clean my room since it's tedious and I could be doing other things)
I more often then not zone out in the middle of people talking
I can't read books that aren't manga or comic books(books without pictures are hard to focus in since there's not more than 1 thing to look at)
I usually have to multitask during things, like school, and watching TV
And I often lose things, usually in the house and I can never find them
But with my school things, I'll tell my mom how I can't focus on something or am too easily distracted and I don't want to do it, and it ticks me off everytime she answers with: Ohhh you just need to train yourself to be able to read it.
I want to flip a table everytime she says that!!! It's annoying. =/
With the Aspergers symptoms:
I usually speak without too much variation in my tone of voice--- it's not monotone though...
I don't like to make eye contact with people and it makes me uncomfortable during conversations to keep endless eye contact. Usually when I'm talking to someone, I'll look somewhere else, or not directly in their eyes, but I'll try to make myself look at their eyes every now and then, even though it's really uncomfortable...
I get obsessed with things VERY easily and usually for a long time. I've got a very wide knowledge of animals since I was/am obsessed with them and I have a lot of pets, too! (which sometimes I forget to clean their cages, or give them food, which makes me feel really guilty, but then I get distracted and forget to again later on... though I have an easy time following my every 3 day feeding schedule with my geckos)
I've been obsessed with anime and manga since I discovered there are good ones out there, 2 years ago, however I've been obsessed with different ones, my obsessions changing every few months... right now I'm sort of obsessed with Iron Man, though. xD Just a bit.....
If someone makes a grammar error in their speech, I can't help but correct them.
I feel uncomfortable around most people my own age(highschoolers) and I get along better with adults. I do have 1 or 2 friends I'm close with in real life, not counting my older sister who is one of my best friends.
I seem to be incapable of expressing/feeling empathy.
With talking, I have issues remembering/using words sometimes, like I can't say the right word I want to, or I accidentally mix two words together to make one word, or what I say comes out as mush.
My BIGGEST problem seems to be my inability to tolerate sounds such as chewing, gulping, lip smacking, crunching, limbs popping, itching, ect.
Another thing I hear can be related to Asp., is walking on the balls of your feet/toes? I do that all the time, since I seem to find walking awkward sometimes and it feels weird, so I walk on the balls of my feet. I do that all the time walking up stairs, but I also do it a lot just walking around, particularly barefooted inside. That could be because I LOVE the digitigrade looking legs on animals, but it also feels better to me. And I run more agilely and faster like that, even though I can't run far at all. But I'll accidentally start walking like that in public and my mom quickly tells me to stop it when she notices. =/
Relating to walking--- I never know what to do with my hands when either walking or standing still, so I always have them in my pockets, or I'm holding something, or if I've got no pockets and not holding anything, I hold my hands behind my back.
I don't know what this could be a symptom of(ADD or Aspergers, not sure)
but I'm always so aware of everything it seems, like the tinnitus in my ears, which was really annoying today, to feeling really aware of boogers in my nose(sounds gross, I know, and often I have the urge to get rid of that feeling, which leads me to still pick my nose, even though I'm nearly 16..however I only do that when I'm alone in my room, and then I always wash my hands or use hand sanatiser afterwards since then I feel like my hands are dirty!(duh)), and I often will pick at my ears for feeling like there's big clumps of earwax I must get rid of, even if there's not, and I always pic at the acne on my back, shoulders, and face.
I know this is REALLY long, and no one can diagnose me who's not a certified doctor, but ugh, I'm so confused and it seems most people don't understand. =/ I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting some of my symptoms, and I have a hard time understanding the symptoms of ADD and Aspergers, though I'm pretty familiar with the OCD ones.
I'm just so frustrated spending HOURS on my history and not getting anything out of it. It's like, everyone in that class does way better than I do.
My mom only really understands the OCD stuff(maybe not even 100%), but not the others.
I know that her side of the family is the one with all the mental problems. Possibly my dad's side, but he doesn't have any weird 'quirks', but I don't know about his biological dad or his brothers(we don't talk about them at all. Ever.).
I'd like to add that I am a very creative person. I've got a high interest in art, do digital, and traditional art, and I've taught myself to play the violin and I also play piano, and I can play songs on both by just remembering the tune of songs and then playing them out by ear, no music sheet.
Sorry this was so long.... I just... *sigh* I hope Dad gets a job so we can afford to go to a doctor.
So, I'll start with:
I'm pretty sure I have OCD and ADD, but I also seem to suspect Aspergers?
My OCD symptoms include:
Intrusive thoughts(violent mainly, but occasional blasphemous and/or sexual... One of the reasons I have no desire to drive is because I have violent thoughts about car accidents when I'm in a car, so I don't want to drive one)
Compulsive handwashing(fear of contamination and contaminating others)
Compulsive straightening of items on tables, near me, making books or object face the same direction(If you saw my room, you wouldn't believe it, but that's where the 'battling' comes in)
Guilt and doubt over the smallest things
And I like to sit on the RIGHT sides of rooms, cars, desks, tables, whatever. I feel more uncomfortable on the left side of the rooms.
I think I have a few other random compulsions, but right now I can't really remember then. xP
ADD symptoms include:
Major distractability... like right now I should be doing History or English, but I just can't.
Like, when it comes to subjects I don't like, I can't pay attention to them even if I try. I can barely remember anything from history class since it bores me to death. I've been trying to get myself to read chapter 5 of history all day, but I keep finding other things to do.
However, when it comes to something I'm interested in, you have my, usually, undivided attention.
I forget things I'm supposed to do shortly after being told them
My room's a MESS(but the OCD part of me makes me always stressed out in my room usually, but the ADD part makes me keep getting distracted and not wanting to clean my room since it's tedious and I could be doing other things)
I more often then not zone out in the middle of people talking
I can't read books that aren't manga or comic books(books without pictures are hard to focus in since there's not more than 1 thing to look at)
I usually have to multitask during things, like school, and watching TV
And I often lose things, usually in the house and I can never find them
But with my school things, I'll tell my mom how I can't focus on something or am too easily distracted and I don't want to do it, and it ticks me off everytime she answers with: Ohhh you just need to train yourself to be able to read it.
I want to flip a table everytime she says that!!! It's annoying. =/
With the Aspergers symptoms:
I usually speak without too much variation in my tone of voice--- it's not monotone though...
I don't like to make eye contact with people and it makes me uncomfortable during conversations to keep endless eye contact. Usually when I'm talking to someone, I'll look somewhere else, or not directly in their eyes, but I'll try to make myself look at their eyes every now and then, even though it's really uncomfortable...
I get obsessed with things VERY easily and usually for a long time. I've got a very wide knowledge of animals since I was/am obsessed with them and I have a lot of pets, too! (which sometimes I forget to clean their cages, or give them food, which makes me feel really guilty, but then I get distracted and forget to again later on... though I have an easy time following my every 3 day feeding schedule with my geckos)
I've been obsessed with anime and manga since I discovered there are good ones out there, 2 years ago, however I've been obsessed with different ones, my obsessions changing every few months... right now I'm sort of obsessed with Iron Man, though. xD Just a bit.....
If someone makes a grammar error in their speech, I can't help but correct them.
I feel uncomfortable around most people my own age(highschoolers) and I get along better with adults. I do have 1 or 2 friends I'm close with in real life, not counting my older sister who is one of my best friends.
I seem to be incapable of expressing/feeling empathy.
With talking, I have issues remembering/using words sometimes, like I can't say the right word I want to, or I accidentally mix two words together to make one word, or what I say comes out as mush.
My BIGGEST problem seems to be my inability to tolerate sounds such as chewing, gulping, lip smacking, crunching, limbs popping, itching, ect.
Another thing I hear can be related to Asp., is walking on the balls of your feet/toes? I do that all the time, since I seem to find walking awkward sometimes and it feels weird, so I walk on the balls of my feet. I do that all the time walking up stairs, but I also do it a lot just walking around, particularly barefooted inside. That could be because I LOVE the digitigrade looking legs on animals, but it also feels better to me. And I run more agilely and faster like that, even though I can't run far at all. But I'll accidentally start walking like that in public and my mom quickly tells me to stop it when she notices. =/
Relating to walking--- I never know what to do with my hands when either walking or standing still, so I always have them in my pockets, or I'm holding something, or if I've got no pockets and not holding anything, I hold my hands behind my back.
I don't know what this could be a symptom of(ADD or Aspergers, not sure)
but I'm always so aware of everything it seems, like the tinnitus in my ears, which was really annoying today, to feeling really aware of boogers in my nose(sounds gross, I know, and often I have the urge to get rid of that feeling, which leads me to still pick my nose, even though I'm nearly 16..however I only do that when I'm alone in my room, and then I always wash my hands or use hand sanatiser afterwards since then I feel like my hands are dirty!(duh)), and I often will pick at my ears for feeling like there's big clumps of earwax I must get rid of, even if there's not, and I always pic at the acne on my back, shoulders, and face.
I know this is REALLY long, and no one can diagnose me who's not a certified doctor, but ugh, I'm so confused and it seems most people don't understand. =/ I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting some of my symptoms, and I have a hard time understanding the symptoms of ADD and Aspergers, though I'm pretty familiar with the OCD ones.
I'm just so frustrated spending HOURS on my history and not getting anything out of it. It's like, everyone in that class does way better than I do.
My mom only really understands the OCD stuff(maybe not even 100%), but not the others.
I know that her side of the family is the one with all the mental problems. Possibly my dad's side, but he doesn't have any weird 'quirks', but I don't know about his biological dad or his brothers(we don't talk about them at all. Ever.).
I'd like to add that I am a very creative person. I've got a high interest in art, do digital, and traditional art, and I've taught myself to play the violin and I also play piano, and I can play songs on both by just remembering the tune of songs and then playing them out by ear, no music sheet.
Sorry this was so long.... I just... *sigh* I hope Dad gets a job so we can afford to go to a doctor.
