Single or Single again and thirty

I'm single and 34. Well, by single I mean divorced. It was a strange transition for me because I realized that I had NEVER lived alone. In college I lived at home with my folks, joined the military and never didn't have a roommate. Got out and had a roommate until I was married. It was definitely a culture shock, but I was able to use that time to grow closer to God and to really find myself and and learn to like being alone with myself. If that makes any sense.

The Lord has brought some great people into my life that I actually met either directly or indirectly through a divorce care class at church. We hang out, have Bible study, and have even all been on vacation together. I've been divorced for over 3 years now but some of them are in different stages. I think that it is good to have other single Christian friends in their 30's because most people are married and are doing married things. The support of people who are at a similar stage in their life is invaluable.

One of the biggest mistakes that I see people who are single in their 30's making is that they are almost obsessed with finding someone for a romantic relationship. I'm not saying don't look if thats what you want, but put it low on the priority list. Spend more time with God, family, friends, and certainly yourself.

I'll be 30 in about three weeks, not too worried about having a relationship but it would be nice I guess.

I think being single is great. After bad times in my life, an ex-wife, and other things, being single at this age is perfect to experience the world and live free to God. A relationship won't be bad, but this is a time to reflect on yourself and get to know who you are. At least for me anyways lol.

Speaking about being single....well so far I never got married. I have the opportunity to marry a nice girl. I'm very afraid to do so though because so many marriages end up in divorce, or they end up married and miserable. Why doesn't marriage work anymore in this day and age? Is it just me or is it really more difficult now than it was decades ago? What about love, and how does love play into this? Should you get married only if you're really in love? Because it seems like a lot of people have a tendency to settle at this stage of the game. I just think we live in such a messed up society where the rules surrounding marriage make it so unattractive that I just don't see much point in doing it. But maybe no one has swept me off my feet in recent years, so I forgot what that's even like. I think the last time I was in love was when I was 17. It would be nice if God would ever help me find true love again, but these days I'm not holding my breath anymore. Maybe it's just best to be single and lonely.

I currently live in and have lived in many different cultures thoughout my life. Firstly, I owuld like to reiterrate the most common phrase uttered throughout the Bible - FEAR NOT! As for your question as to why so many marriages fail today. Let me give you a different perspective. In South Korea, (a ridgidly patrolineal society) a woman is considered unmarriagable if she's 30 or above and still single. Most Korean women marry at the age of 29. There are numerous examples in Korean cinema of their versions of "Taming of the Shrew" where desperate parents frantically try to marry off their very attractive but viciously disagreeable daughter before it's too late. Korean women in their 30's are still quite attractive but the confuscian influenced culture stimpulates that things are a vertain way and shouldn't be changed. That is also in spite of the fact that it is fastly becoming a predominately Christian country as Buhhdaism has ben in steep decline. Poor farmers who are shunned by Korean women for marriage will pay for mail order brides from countries like Vietnam or the Philippines rather than marry a post 30 woman. Korean parents who are largely racist toward all things non Korean will generally speaking consent to their post 30 daughters marrying a non Korean expatriate because they assume it is better than having to carry the burden of a live in spinster into their old age.
In Thailand there is the "bride price" or as we would refer to it - Dowry. For a young, attractive Thai woman who is frm a middle class family the dowry can run anywhere from $15,000 - $30,000 US to be paid by the husband and or his family. For a woman over 30 the dowry drops to the price of a not so good used car and for a woman with a child from a previous marriage or out of wedlock the dowry doesn't apply.
Using the anthropological theory that all human behavior can be reduced to the optimization of reproductive success of the species we can make some assumptions. In the west people in their 30's have difficult times trying to find relationship happiness and that almost always affects the quality of their lives.

1. On a shallow note - men, with respect to marriage generally like "fresh fruit" .

2. On a deeper one I think that there is in our biologies a mechanism of some sort that marks the age of 30 or therabouts as an indicator of vitality. I noticed that at 30 my phsiology took a detour and I began to get more tired and it was harder to burn fat and more painful when I exercised. Modern socionomic influences as well as redifined roles for women and men have raised the age of marriage considerably and perhaps what you are wittnessing are social consequences for pushing against the goad of our mother nature.

I hope to be married someday because I really want a family. But I don't see that in the cards anytime soon. So... I'm doing the whole focused on career thing, trying to get closer to God, battling what has become severe depression, looking for my place in the world thing.

I am single again, 32, and the mother of two daughters, so I am still unsure of truly where I stand. Like one of the respondents, I am really enjoying finally finding myself for the first time in life - picking out my own kitchen flooring and installing it, selecting my own paint colors, enjoying being a homeowner, focusing on my children and career, etc. I have everything that you are taught to look to a man for, so it makes it very nice because I don't need a man and therefore can take my time and have expectations.

Sometimes I want to have someone in my life and would love to have that marriage experience my ex and I robbed each other of because we married too young and were not of the right mind. However, other times, I think...what's better than being up online at 1 am. Seriously though...I would love for it to happen if it happens, but if it doesn't, I don't feel like I am a failure. I just wait patiently and enjoy what the Lord is doing in every other area - won't say my eyes aren't open - but I have a lot of work I am doing on my own self so I am not focusing on looking for anything to come my way - just still in that if it happens it happens mode.

Think it is a great thing to have a forum where you can come to discuss things we deal with at 32 and being single or single again. The world is different at 30 than it was at 20 when I was dating! My goodness...I feel like I went to sleep for 12 years and woke up in another world. It does seem the dating world changed a lot and that people with morals are fewer and further between than they used to be...of course, back then I didn't have morals, so maybe they have always been in short supply?~!

sampa said:

Although the song "while I'm waiting" by john waller was dirrected to married folks for the movie fireproof but its sort of been an encouragement to me. Give a listen if you haven't....

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I watched this movie when I was going through my divorce - I didn't quite hear the song because of the raw emotion. It is a very beautiful song.

I am having trouble finding local single Christian friends in the 30 range who are on the same mindset - maybe because I am divorced? I was a teenage mother and now have a teenager and a toddler, so I have never really known what it is like to "date" because when I was dating the first time, I was a kid and then I got married really young so I wouldn't become a statistic - in the end maybe I did - but I don't have any regrets.

When I was married it was tough because everyone my age had Christian husbands and young children and I had an agnostic husband and an older child. Now I am divorced with a young child and all my friends are either married with teenagers, married with toddlers, or just starting to have babies. I am having trouble finding other females who are career focused, family focused, and know how to balance the two, and who are committed to the Lord.

I have been blessed with an old friend returning to my life recently (moved back to the state) who is a mother of a five year old and career minded as well as extremely dedicated to her family. Her husband works evenings, so sometimes we get to hang out with the kids. But it does become lonely to not have the feeling that there is a "get away." I would love to know of a local God-centered group for career minded singles in the 30ish age range who are balancing being single with career, family, etc.

It is great that your church has provided such a group so you don't have to feel alone. Maybe I should talk with some local churches about starting one, as I have to believe there are several others like me out there who also love God first in life.

I feel like I'm starting to become part of the unmarriageable. But I try to hold out hope. That's what concerns me sometimes.

Hey Sampa Have you heard wait for me by Rebecca st James

I've been single for about 8 months now after a 4.5 years relationship. But it was after the break that made me want to get married; not necessarily to my ex-girlfriend but marriage in general. However, if things work out with my ex, I wouldn't mind getting married to her, because she's a really nice gal and compliments me well I think. Our break up had nothing to do because of lack of love or affection.. it was something very complicated. I think many times you need to get out of particular situations you're in for you to be able to see what's really going on. That's what happened to me. Now, I really want to settle down and have beautiful children.

Nothing like being single with a career. So nice not having to give my money away to someone that sits at home all day.

scraparcs said:

I feel like I'm starting to become part of the unmarriageable. But I try to hold out hope. That's what concerns me sometimes.

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I feel this way too.

all my friends at 33 years of age are single as well. I wish one of them would get marry so we can start a chain reaction

anewday said:

Originally Posted by scraparcs
I feel like I'm starting to become part of the unmarriageable. But I try to hold out hope. That's what concerns me sometimes.
I feel this way too.

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I'm sure you ARE NOT unmarriageable and that 's the most important think
sometimes waiting is too hard but it doesn't mean you don't worth it or it will not happen
sometimes i look around me and i see all these couple being happy and having children but then there are all these other ones :divorced ,separated ...some of them feeling alright just because: at least they've got there kids and they want to have time for themselves now etc...
all this pain (like breaking engagement...)! it's better not to live that and wait for the right person even if i know it's not a insurance either
waiting is very hard and only longtime single really understand it
well still:better to wait for the right one
a friend of mine is just gorgeous:the kind of person ,wherever she goes all the men just stop breathing and still her boyfriend cheated on her
well i suppose we just have to make the most of our own situation and definitely not think "unmarriageable "

take care