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Just want to get some stuff off my chest, I guess...

Aug 6, 2012
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Ugh, I'm just not feeling the best lately... I mean, I go through phases multiple times a day of being really happy or content, but it always seems to come back to feeling bad, not motivated, upset, and lately, not feeling like what I do is good enough. Almost every night I end up, for some reason, crying in my room at night. I often wonder why people like my art, as I have low confidence in my drawing abilities and I never like what I draw, and that just makes me want to get better at art... I'd like to add I draw for HOURS everyday and I'm not too bad at it... I draw a lot of fan art from animes, but lately I've been branching out and doing more original work, landscapes, ect, and I put a lot of effort and studying into it.

And then my older sister, who I adore might I add(we're best friends) drew a picture of a character from Avengers and stuck it up on facebook, and it turned out really really good, and that's awesome! She's better at realistic people than I am, but ugh, she's got two people who want to pay her to draw something for them, and I don't think I'm jealous, but I'd love it if people would want to buy my art.

I also taught myself violin and have bene playing piano for several years, but when I see youtube videos of people playing my favourite songs on violin or piano, I wish I could do that, and know I just need practice, but when I go to practice, I just play the same things over and over, except for on violin where I'll branch out and try to play new songs by ear... I don't really mind that that much, I just wanted to throw that out there...


I just, don't know. I'll probably feel perfectly fine later on and silly for writing this... I just don't even know what to say right now. I hope I can stay motivated for school, but I'm really not looking forward to my history class since I can never focus on it or understand what's going on in it, and due to that, despite the 3 front and back pages of notes I took and was able to use, I still got a 3 out of 7 or something like that on my quiz.

And to make things worse, still, my dad is out of work and we don't have health insurance or anything like that, and I probably need to go to the doctor-- if not to get my mental health checked up on(I have more issues than just these), I've got a chronic productive cough I'd like to get checked out since it's been going on for probably a year... I don't remember... I cant' remember not having it.


I just can't explain what I'm feeling in another words.... I can never explain what I'm feeling through words, and that's what my art is for, which usually leads it to be dark, sad, or depressing pieces of art...

I don't really expect anyone to read this through ,I just wanted to rant since that's pretty much the only thing that makes me feel better.... I don't like talking to people in real life either about this stuff when I feel this way, because I don't like crying in front of them over this sort of stuff--because it makes me feel a little stupid....

anyway... yeah... sorry to write such a downer post
 
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I suppose I just feel like, even though I know I've got potential, and I know God's got a plan for me, too, even though I can't see it now, I wish I could, so I'd know what to aim for... what to look forward to out of school. I've only jsut started my Sophmore year and so far I'd be happier staying at home and drawing all day and listening to music. The only class I particularly enjoy is science... but still ,seeing other people at school as well... they all seem so happy, and they have close, expressive relationships with God. I'm not secretive about mine, but I can see that the Christians at school look like they are happy, and I don't know.. I get a little frustrated or irritated because over enthusiastic or overly happy people just make me feel bad I guess...I don't feel like I feel I'm supposed to be. If that makes any sense..

Agh, sorry I wrote more.. guess I wasn't done ranting.... *sigh*
 
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SplendidTree

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Comparison is not good to do but can happen sometimes. We are all made unique as a part of the Lord's plan. Have you ever tried making a list of your good qualities and talents? It sounds like you are skilled in many things! I mean, you taught yourself the violin!

About your art, have you asked your sister to maybe show you how she does certain kinds of artwork? Maybe you could both show each other some new things.

We all have ups and downs in life and in our relationship with God. I hope things get better for you and you can see someone soon. Have you considered seeing a school counselor at least? How about a pastor? That should be free. :)

I will pray on this now.

Also, sorry if this isn't worded the best. I am battling a bad head cold but just had to respond to a sister in Christ.
 
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Yeah, it does happen sometimes... and like I said in my original post, now that I've slept I feel better. And violin's actually a lot easier than piano, in my opinion!

Mm, I'm not that great at realism just because I haven't done much to teach myself about it lately, as far as realistic portraits go. I prefer drawing manga anyway, which takes just as much hard work and skill, honestly.

Honestly, I'm too embarrassed to talk to most people in real life about it, mainly because I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, which, maybe I am. *shrug* I don't know.

But anyway, I hope that your head cold gets better! I just asked God to help you win the battle against it. ;) Thank you for taking the time to respond to this, too! <3
 
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Yeah, it does happen sometimes... and like I said in my original post, now that I've slept I feel better. And violin's actually a lot easier than piano, in my opinion!

Mm, I'm not that great at realism just because I haven't done much to teach myself about it lately, as far as realistic portraits go. I prefer drawing manga anyway, which takes just as much hard work and skill, honestly.

Honestly, I'm too embarrassed to talk to most people in real life about it, mainly because I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, which, maybe I am. *shrug* I don't know.

But anyway, I hope that your head cold gets better! I just asked God to help you win the battle against it. ;) Thank you for taking the time to respond to this, too! <3
 
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SplendidTree

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How did you teach yourself to play violin? It looks so hard to play!

Sleep definitely can make a big difference. I am glad you feel better. And hey, nothing wrong with drawing what you like. I think many things take a lot of skill so it isn't fair to say one takes more than another. I have a friend who does a lot of art and even went to school for it. She did I don't know if it was manga but have you heard of chibi art? They were chibi people. And they looked simple but took her a long long time to perfect.

Talking to people in real life can be a challenge. Opening up or even worrying about how we may sound can be stressful or embarrassing. Maybe you will get past it some day but you can always talk to God! And that is a more private thing anyhow. Sometimes I get so upset and feel better talking to God than anyone I know.

And thanks so much for the prayers! :hug: I will pray for you as well!
 
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Teaching myself to play it was pretty easy. My best friend had a beginner violin book, so she gave it to me, I rented a violin from the music store, and then learned where to put my fingers for the notes, and then made sure I was placing them correctly by using my tuner, and I already knew how to read music, as well as learn how to play songs by ear, so I suppose you can only really do that if you have a good ear for music. ;)

And I definitely have heard of chibi art! It DOES look simple, but it's actually hard since you have to learn the correct proportions before being able to properly simplify them to look correct.

And aside from not wanting to sit at home all day today, I'm doing better since I had fun talking with and hanging out with my two friends. =3
 
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Criada

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Don't apologise for venting, sister - we all need to do that sometimes, and this is a sfae place :)
It sounds as though you have a lot of talents - keep working at them and God will use them - He gives us these things to use for His glory, and I'm sure you'll see that happening in time.
School years are hard sometimes, life seems uncertain and sometimes frightening - but you are learning and growing, and it isn't forever.

As for all the 'perfect, happy Christians' - they probably look at you and think the same! We all have our issues and insecurities, and most of us keep them hidden from almost everyone.
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better - you are in my prayers - and please feel free to vent here whenever you want too:hug:
 
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Yes, this place is a safe place--- that's why I love this forum! <3

I suppose I do have quite a few talents!! I also love animals and know a ton about them as well as have a ton of pets of my own. (10 geckos, 1 bearded dragon, and 2 rats I take care of all on my own except for food expenses which my parents pay.)

And I wouldn't be surprised if they do think that sometimes, especially when they see me and my friends laughing our heads off over lunch. xD

If you can't tell by this post, I'm in a lot better mood now since I had coffee earlier and that stuff just makes my mood so much better... it was just a small 12oz mocha, too, but it was awesome. I wish I could feel like this all the time! xD

Anyway, I'm feeling really focused now, so I should probably get working on my homework. ;) Thank you to all who read my rant and are praying for me, <3

I don't expect this rush/happy feeling to last toooooo long, but I'll enjoy it while I can, and thanks again!
 
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