I need to vent...

SweetAvenue · Sep 12, 2012

So here's the thing, I go to college on Tuesday and Thursday. I take 4 classes and I'm there for about 8 hours including my break from 3 to 3:45. I commute, so I'm still living at home with my parents.

I'm a decent student, but last semester I didn't do so well and I lost my scholarship for $7,000. Understandably, my parents weren't too happy, and really, neither was I. So this semester I told myself that I was going to work really hard and get good grades to get my scholarship back.

For basically my entire life so far, my mother has nagged me about doing well in school. The problem is that I really don't need the nagging anymore, and I find it EXTREMELY ANNOYING! I sort of lost it on her today because she knows that I have a lot of homework so she starts going off about how I really need to work hard and get it done because I'll be in trouble if I don't. It's really her tone of voice that drives me so crazy. She just sounds so condescending and she makes it sound like she thinks I'm a lazy piece of Crap who is going to amount to nothing. The thing is, she does this ALL THE TIME! I've tried to explain to her how it makes me feel, but she just gets angry and defensive, and if I get mad at her, she'll cry to my dad and he'll go off on me.

I just don't know what to do. I'm just so angry right now!

wannaberocker · Sep 12, 2012

Sometimes you just have to Zone out your folks and do what you have to. As someone who's mother was and is always very negative about things. I know that it hurts to hear the people who are suppose to be your ultimate support structure be the ones nagging you and making you feel like crap. But, you got to be able to do your own thing. You are in college and know what you have to do in order to get your grades up.

Dont let your moms negativity keep you from trying your best at College. Ill keep you in my prayers and Work hard.

DandelionsInTheRain · Sep 12, 2012

Maybe you could go to a library on your days you don't have classes to get away from your parents and get your work done.

SOLDIER &#10084; · Sep 12, 2012

Oh man I feel you. My mom always nags... thank God I moved out.

When I was at home I had my roo. So I just did my work in my room away from the nagging and just zoned that out.

Nanopants · Sep 12, 2012

Ouch. I don't think I could stand living with my parents either.

Can you spend more time away from home to get your studying done?

iluvatar5150 · Sep 12, 2012

Move out. It'll be more expensive, but IMO, getting out of that kind of oppressive environment is worth all the money in the world.

-Dan.

m.a.r.X · Sep 12, 2012

Thats not a great situation :sorry:

BTW, why don't you move to the college hostel ?

Rhye · Sep 12, 2012

Its okay to be angry and it does sound hurtful on both accounts. Communicate is key but if the other person doesn't want to listen its hard at times. Very hard. I am sorry!

Remember you have learned a lesson and just because you lost the scholarship it doesn't mean you can't get back up again. Have that faith and your mother will see it too. After a trip my brother got very sick and missed so much of school he lost his scholarship and went on academic probation. It was like all his hard work went to nothing but his health was more important. It took him a long time to get back up but he did!

I suggest talking to your father first and expressing your thoughts, and then having a family meeting. Also, let them know that when you are studying or doing school work then you should be left alone. And have some time to stay at school to study at the library.

JamesJr · Sep 13, 2012

I am in much of the same situation as you. I'm 22 years of age and back at home. I share a bedroom with my three younger brothers. I'm taking 14 hours at community college and I work 30 hours a week. My mom STILL gets on my case about not helping out enough around the house. But she is right. I don't manage my time as well as I could be.

Living at home is humbling. My parents are giving me free room and board so that I can get my degree and stay out of debt. And thank God they took their prodigal son back after years of drug and alcohol abuse.

You're blessed your mom hasn't given up on you yet. She sounds frustrated because she knows> that you know> you are capable of excellence. Don't hold a grudge because of the "tone" your mom uses to hold you accountable. When she finally stops caring altogether; that's when you're in trouble. Forgive her for not speaking out of love. Kill her with kindness.

Knock out the homework the day it is assigned. I have 4 once a week classes on M and W and sometimes I won't let myself leave the school till the following weeks homework is done. For longer assignments (e.g. 6 hrs/week of accounting 2 HW) I make a big latte and grind through it with spotify + isolation headphones at home. I hope this helps.

You're Brother in Christ, James

"For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it." Matt. 7:14

Amber.ly · Sep 13, 2012

Is your mom right? Were you procrastinating and not putting your best effort into your homework?

Mothers have this very keen sense of what their children are doing wrong and it is really hard for them to not say anything and let a kid fail. Or not even fail but just not succeed to the level a parent sees you can get to. Unfortunately, unless you are willing to show your mom that you are now committed to working extremely hard, she will keep going.

My suggestion is to stay away from the house as much as possible for this semester. Go to college, go to work and study at a library. Spend your free time with friends or volunteering or whatever you can find.

Holygeneral79 · Sep 13, 2012

Sounds just like my mother. But she has her reasons so that's how I try to look at it. She's not happy that I'm 33, I recently quit my job to go back to school and finish a computer programming degree and that I broke up with my long term girlfriend whom I was supposed to marry and give her the grand children that she wants so badly and yada yada yada.. basically, in my current state I can never give her the satisfaction she wants from me. But the thing is, it's my life so she shouldn't try to find satisfaction out of MY life. But it's a very sensitive subject that it's really hard to tell your parents because a lot of them basically live through their children. Do as I do and whenever she gives you the speech just stand there, listen and just move on. The battle starts when you start reaction to it, outwardly or internally. Just accept the way she is right now and don't let it get to you. Soon, she'll catch that her nagging is not really making any difference, neither good or bad, and eventually she'll decrease her level of nagging; at least that's what happened to my mother. It's how you react to them that really gets them going and more motivated to nag you even more.

ImperatorWall · Sep 13, 2012

6:2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise)

Submit, serve, behave. Whatever it takes.

Balugon · Sep 13, 2012

Imo, find some friends from college and be at home less. Do homework at the library at college or over at friends' houses. Maybe pack food from home to go with you so you can be away from home more. Sometimes people don't always have the best situations, and sometimes just learning coping mechanisms can help. And, of course, remember to keep praying about the issue. God can help to make things change, even if it takes a while.

JonahGirl · Sep 14, 2012

I am super close to my mom but neither of us are perfect and sometimes it gets more than a little tense. The last time this occurred, I got really, essentially depressed, as I sometimes do. I got up and started working on my blog. I asked God to help me come up with something to put on there and He did, immediately. It completely changed everything. Because God answered me and had something for me to do, I felt useful and needed. This taught me something...

All of us are just human. We have limitations. We have problems. No human being can be what we need them to be all the time. But they don't have to. People play the part God intended them to. If we place the "rightness" in God's hands, instead of expecting people to meet our needs, it makes it much easier to see others and ourselves in a Christian way.

I need to vent...

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