How good are you with spreadsheets?
Whether you use spreadsheets (easy) or paper, you both need to sit down and calculate out all the items in your budget and come up with a scenario where it works out. If he thinks you have credit cards and you don't, it sounds like he isn't doing the math. Is anyone counting how much you spend? You don't have to count if you are living below your means, but that doesn't mean it's still a good idea.
Set targets for how much you want to give to the church, how much you want to save, too. Work out your temporary budget for now, and the budget you would like to live under for the future.
If you want to talk him into a different arrangement for the cars, you may need to do some research on how much the average repair cost is for a car of a certain brand that is X number of years old. You don't want to get an old Jaguar. You could spend a lot on repairs. You don't want to buy an old Lexus because, even though they are made with excellence, if you do have to repair it-- or maybe even get an oil change-- it requires special tools and a special technician, I hear-- the cost of the precision with which the engine is made.
I have a 2001 Town & Country. It has about 97000 on it and I've driven it for three years now. My wife found a great deal on it. I think we paid $3500. Not counting maintenance (oil changes), I think I've put about $1000 in repairs into it over a three year period. I don't have collision on it either. If you get an old car, an emergency fund for another old car makes more sense than collision insurance, IMO.
The danger with old cars is they can break down when you need them. But they are so much cheaper, you can buy a $1500 car as a backup. Cars under $3000 are pretty liquid. If they are in decent shape and have A/C (in the summer) you can flip them on Craigslist pretty quickly, too.
I've got a friend who had a high paying job who went to Bible college. He spent half his money on a fancy German car and bought high quality stuff. He is moving back to get a job again because God did not miraculously provide. We have to make due with what we are provided and live within our means.
I think you need to convince your husband to look at the numbers. Show him some scenarios with the cheaper cars and see what he says. If he doesn't like it, ask him sometime when he has some time to sit down, go through the numbers and come up with another scenario that works. If you live in a place with bad public schools, I know you want to pay the tuition for your son. If I were you, and I could make it work to keep the lease, I probably would just to avoid a move. I live in a city where it is really hard to get an agent just to show you a place-- and just about everything is tied up by these slow agents. It's just not worth the time and hassle to move. Time costs money too, especially if you have to take off of work. When the lease is up, you can try to find a cheaper place. Don't fill the place you have up with junk. If you do buy furniture, get used stuff as cheap as you can, if you are going to discard it.
Can you rent out an extra bedroom? There is a source of income to offset the high rents.
If you do try to cut out the car payments, put yourself in the leasing agents shoes. If you go bankrupt, he could miss a few payments while you use the car while you are in process. If you tell him that, that there is a chance you won't be able to make payments next month--AND you are talking with an attorney about bankruptcy, maybe they will cut a deal with you. Even if you paid them a couple of hundred a month or a one-time payment to get out of the contract, and bought used cars, it might pay off.
What is it you live on, $200k? $300k? If you budget and cut out some of the fat, I'm sure you'll be able to live on that, even if you live in NY, LA, Chicago, or Honolulu.
