Having trouble with the whole sex before marriage thing

brohammer26 · Jul 13, 2012

This has been the most difficult area for me to swallow in the christian faith. Fundamentalists ban all forms of sexual activity before marriage. Liberals are a bit more well liberal in this area and I am undecided. My past was filled with promiscuity and constant lust. I never want to go down that road again. It formed out of early rejection from women and friends..I never developed healthy stable relations and only thought I was worth the short term physical stuff. Anyhow just before finding christ I was in a more lengthy relation with more substance and would consider her to have been a girlfriend. Although due to circumstances it didnt last I do very much miss being in that relationship. I have done my research and heard the debate from both sides on the pre-marital sex thing and it is a tough one. My main goal is to get married, but I would love to be able to date in a normal fashion..where sex is part of the progression. The most difficult thing for me is that I am in the military and constantly moving around..and I dont know how I would find a marriage partner w/o dateing. I am going to try some christian dateing sites and see how they work. Anyways I am torn on the issue and never really understood how it came to be such a big part of the religion..I mean things are just not the same noe as biblical times. I am not getting hitched at the age of 13 and going on immediately to raise a family. It just doesnt all fit for todays times.

johnwithah · Jul 13, 2012

Hi, have you read the thread about this subject that already exists? It's called Pre Marital Sex and was started on 15 June this year in this forum. I suggest you read through that.It has some interesting points.

Alive_Again · Jul 14, 2012

God's clear about not haviing sex outside of marriage. He wants a chaste bride. He said that it was not good for man to be alone. He will send you a bride, but you must prepare yourself. Setting yourself apart and seeking the will and plan of God for your life is your top priority.

Ask God specifically for a wife and then let Him make the connections. Hold fast to your prayer and make your boast about it as though He will do what you asked for. Often times, it is someone in church, or that who will be drawn to church. Be open and forget about the premarital sex thing because you'll get into this "Hath God said" thing which the Devil is good at.

Hold the revelation of God as supreme. This is big because it establishes authority in your life.

brohammer26 · Jul 15, 2012

I dont find it in scripture anywhere about god sending us a spouse..only gives advice on the qualities to look for. IN other words we have to do the work. I think the idea of god being a matchmaker is a manmade fallacy. I could get on a dateing site find a women and meet somone and say it was god who put it together, but really it was just be circumstantial..i think anyways. While I do beleive that some people are more made for eachother, the whole soulmate thing I believe is bogus. I just have a hard time with it that is all...plus my past addiction are hard to get over. I have made a lot of progress but have slip ups. Also read the greek scriptures, there is nothing in it about having a chaste bride..it is just a tradition.

Johnnz · Jul 15, 2012

brohammer26 said:
I dont find it in scripture anywhere about god sending us a spouse..only gives advice on the qualities to look for. IN other words we have to do the work. I think the idea of god being a matchmaker is a manmade fallacy. I could get on a dateing site find a women and meet somone and say it was god who put it together, but really it was just be circumstantial..i think anyways. While I do beleive that some people are more made for eachother, the whole soulmate thing I believe is bogus. I just have a hard time with it that is all...plus my past addiction are hard to get over. I have made a lot of progress but have slip ups. Also read the greek scriptures, there is nothing in it about having a chaste bride..it is just a tradition.

I agree with what you said about how to find a wife. That's basically up to us.

The overall teaching in Scripture is for sexual faithfulness with one person. There is no one verse that states that explicitly, but there are sensible books around that present a sound case for that being the Christian standard.

And yes, modern society and the later age for marriage do create existential difficulties for sexually mature singles.

John
NZ

Alive_Again · Jul 15, 2012

I dont find it in scripture anywhere about god sending us a spouse..only gives advice on the qualities to look for. IN other words we have to do the work.

Unquestionably, it will be you that has to play your part. God is the one who makes divine connections (with those who believe Him). He is the provider of all good things. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. We have a need and see the scripture of how it is not good for man to be alone, we have scriptural support to ask for a wife. Jesus said to ask the Father in His name for what you need. It is up to you to do this and believe for it. We have His peace as a guide within us and the winds of the Spirit blow and bring answers to righteous prayers.

The whole idea of doing things yourself though is nothing like Jesus who said that without Him you can do nothing. You have your part, but God works the circumstances, it is not for us to go hunting in bars and places like that.

Also read the greek scriptures, there is nothing in it about having a chaste bride..it is just a tradition.

For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.
2 Cor 11:2 (KJV)

By repentance and His blood, we are chaste, but if we're fornicating or abusing ourselves or committing adultery, then we're spotting our wedding garments.

brohammer26 · Jul 16, 2012

Alive_Again said:
Unquestionably, it will be you that has to play your part. God is the one who makes divine connections (with those who believe Him). He is the provider of all good things. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. We have a need and see the scripture of how it is not good for man to be alone, we have scriptural support to ask for a wife. Jesus said to ask the Father in His name for what you need. It is up to you to do this and believe for it. We have His peace as a guide within us and the winds of the Spirit blow and bring answers to righteous prayers.

The whole idea of doing things yourself though is nothing like Jesus who said that without Him you can do nothing. You have your part, but God works the circumstances, it is not for us to go hunting in bars and places like that.

For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.
2 Cor 11:2 (KJV)

By repentance and His blood, we are chaste, but if we're fornicating or abusing ourselves or committing adultery, then we're spotting our wedding garments.

Thanks for the scipture and clarification.

johnwithah · Jul 16, 2012

For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.
2 Cor 11:2 (KJV)

I guess that's an ideal rather than a prerequisite. I don't think Paul would write that the bride of Christ could be likened to a partner who has had other partners before him.

KimberlyAA · Jul 16, 2012

I think people analyze sex way too much. God originally made it for man and wife even though the times have changed and it's major purpose is procreation. I think relationships are more menaingful when you spend your dating/courtship building a strong friendship and loving relationship ... I don't see the big deal with waiting and why that should be such a burden. It's a matter of perspective and if you truly want to live according to the Word of God. I really don't think Christians should pick and choose what they want to follow in the Bible.

brohammer26 · Jul 17, 2012

Alive_Again said:
And if one of those "consenting adults" is married to someone else? That is adultery. We already know fornication will get you kicked out of the kingdom. Sex is a marital privilege between and man and his wife. The marriage bed is undefiled. Outside of that you have problems.

Fornication can be defined as many things...not necessairly pre-marital sex. I understand the english dictionary defines it as so, but the latin roots have a completely different meaning. I personally want to wait for the right one now...more concerned about the other people and finding someone on a similar wavelength.

Alive_Again · Jul 21, 2012

If the other partner is okay with it, then there's nothing wrong at all with it.

With adultery? With "consenting" adultery?

I said: We already know fornication will get you kicked out of the kingdom. Sex is a marital privilege between and man and his wife. The marriage bed is undefiled. Outside of that you have problems.

The Lord just had me meditating about the role of marriage and fornication in 1 Corinthians. It was sobering. The joining of 2 bodies into one flesh is condoned by God, but only under certain circumstances. The husband and wife are actually "bound". Their bodies are no longer their own. They must be faithful to the other. Holding back is considered to be "defrauding" the other. This is because God has restrained sex within the confines of marriage. This is a holy thing. We are given as an example, Christ and the church as His bride. Christ is not ok with us ducking out and joining with another. He will judge those who do this. There will never be a time where that is ok. We are to be like Christ. The conduct of a man to his wife, she be as Christ is to the church.

In the Old Covenant, sex outside of marriage was considered a source of defilement and those guilty could be stoned. In the NT, we have mercy, but only for the repentant.

I hope someday you can become a Christian; then you will realize how depraved, perverse, corrupt, warped, and immoral your anti-Christian understanding of the role of sex is.

I am joined to the Lord as one spirit. I am His bride and have the mind of Christ. Although you defy New Testament Christianity and the rules of this Forum, I pray you find mercy for your lawless deeds, and for the blindness of heart you display.

I guess that I should thank you for the persecution, but I am not puffed up at one such as yourself, because their is judgment in the true church, for those who brazenly fornicate without thought to consequence, judging by the standard of scripture.

One day you'll stand before His throne (like all of us) and give an account of your life. The Word that He has spoken will judge us. Take heed.

SuziTiri · Jul 21, 2012

whats consenting adultery? only type i know of is non-consenting adultery

lismore · Jul 21, 2012

It's easy to judge others but instead the bible instructs us to judge ourselves.

No-one is perfect.

lismore · Jul 21, 2012

brohammer26 said:
It just doesnt all fit for todays times.

Hi hammer

My advice to you is to pray about it. Pray and try to hear the voice of God.

SuziTiri · Jul 21, 2012

lismore said:
It's easy to judge others but instead the bible instructs us to judge ourselves.

No-one is perfect.

that is so right

! such a powerful statement!!!

Alive_Again · Jul 21, 2012

It was previously said:

If the other partner is okay with it, then there's nothing wrong at all with it.

With adultery? With "consenting" adultery?

With adultery? With "consenting" adultery?

I guess if the "ole' lady is cool about it, supposedly nothing is wrong with adultery. The adultery isn't negated because of the consent. The adultery is adultery because God declared it so.

I wondered why the Holy Spirit made me stop everything and read those 2 chapters in 1 Corinthians. It actually concerned me greatly because it talked about judgment in the church by those who sin grievously. I wondered if someone that I knew was going to be judged and I was very concerned.

Shortly thereafter, I see this thread answered by someone who disagrees with the Word about marriage between man and wife, and being joined by God, and being bound to each other. That's not what he said, but that is what it amounted to.

I truly hope this person repents and agrees with God because that is a fearful place to walk.

SuziTiri · Jul 21, 2012

I believe monogamy is beautiful <3 <3 <3 both by a biblical and secular stance <3 its to be honoured in Marriage <3 i have seen marriages ruined because of adultery. and that is why sometimes its better to make sure you KNOW exactly who and why you are getting married <3

Alive_Again · Jul 21, 2012

But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction. And many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of.

And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not. For if God spared not the angels that sinned, but cast them down to hell, and delivered them into chains of darkness, to be reserved unto judgment; And spared not the old world, but saved Noah the eighth person, a preacher of righteousness, bringing in the flood upon the world of the ungodly; And turning the cities of Sodom and Gomorrha into ashes condemned them with an overthrow, making them an ensample unto those that after should live ungodly;
2 Peter 2:1-6

Johnnz · Jul 21, 2012

Paul is a wrong topic for this thread.

John
NZ

Malachi88 · Jul 21, 2012

I also struggle in this area. But I've bee. With the same man for over 3 years, and we now have a child. However I have recently been baptized and no longer want to ha e sex until I am married. Well he doesn't understand and is very mean about it. He is causing me to be unsure about us. Because as a Christian I know divorce is not an option. So idk what's the right thing to do is. I suppose to pray my boyfriend changes and understands what I'm trying to do...

Having trouble with the whole sex before marriage thing

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