facing the past

Oh Insanity. Your post touched me so much because one of my abusers was a priest too. So like you I have problems with long robes in church. I so understand where you are coming from. I get flashbacks too. I don't know what to say except I am so sorry and feel for you so much. If you want to PM me, please feel free to do so. I don't have the problem with crosses, but I do with the long robes and some other things.

(((hugs))) so sorry for what you've been thru.

all i can say is that JESUS loves you, you never did anything wrong, and shame on those who used the church to cover up their sin.

the cross to me means what JESUS did for me, HE was innocent, and took the abuse for you, for me, and for anymore else that was abused.

healing doesn't come all at once...it's babysteps. the first step was to come on cf for support and release the hurt and betrayal you went thru...the second step was your wearing your cross because it no longer means abuse.

i can't thank you enough for sharing your past...it took a lot of courage...GOD BLESS YOU. may our LORD and SAVIOR continue to comfort you, heal you, and bring you peace. AMEN

Insanity, I will be praying for you as you go to see your pastor tomorrow. You have so much courage. It is so good that you have found a church where the pastor understands mental health issues, and hopefully he will understand about abuse as well.

With me, the robes thing comes and goes. Sometimes it is OK and others it is not. I do tend to run away from priests and not let them get near me at all or get to know me. The other things that bother me are some of the rites of the church, and certain sacred music, and just some of the words uses. They trigger me sometimes when I am not expecting it, and then I just either shake and cry, or get out. It is getting a bit better though, and because I love Jesus, and His words, and praying to Him and being with Him, I kind of get through for some of the time. I try to put the other things to the back of my mind but it doesn't always work. Easter was a big problem to me because some of my abuse happened at Easter, and also the choir sang a sacred song that had memories attached to it. I happened to be at the front of the church as my husband is wheelchair bound, and I just started to shake and cry, and I thought to myself, well there is only one thing to do here - get down on my knees and pray. And I just sank to the floor shaking and crying and praying. It passed. No-one questioned me on it, which I was relieved about. But I simply cried my tears to the Lord, and took hold of His hand. I got through on that occasion.

Understand what you are going through Insanity. Contact me whenever you want to, if it helps to talk to me. God be with you tomorrow as you go to see your pastor.

this is your time to heal, have peace and joy in your life...sometimes remembering the past could cause a set back...but that's only because there was never any closure.

may this pastor guide you to the truth about yourself thru the help of JESUS CHRIST. (((hugs)))

please update us, don't be a stanger.

God bless you Insanity and am praying for you for tomorrow. Take care.

I'm so sorry xInsanityx, your post moved me deeply too. I'm so proud of you, you're taking 'giant' baby steps. That's all we can do sometimes, especially if we've had abuse in our pasts.

I'm so glad that you haven't given up your faith, that you are holding on to God. That says a lot about your character.

God bless you. I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers, too.
LovedSparrow

Praying for you today Insanity. God bless you.

Insanity, please don't worry about letting us down. You haven't. You can only do what you can do and you have so much on your plate at the moment, with your mum being ill as well. Take care of yourself and don't worry about others. It is so good that he was understanding anyway. Some aren't. He sounds like a good pastor. Will PM you later - gotta run, but wanted to get this reply to you in the hopes that you take a look in later on. Also hope you come in later so you can read my PM that I will write later. Hope that makes sense.

Just you look after yourself. We will still be here for you. We will not desert you and neither will God. God bless you Insanity. Praying for you. Take care.

your not leting anyone down...its scary and painful to repeat all of the abuse you've gone thru...i totally understand. (((hugs)))

do you like to write? maybe if you keep a journal and write down your emotions that might help you.

don't ever feel that we will judge you or criticize you...you have our support...(((hugs)))

may our LORD and SAVIOR give you HIS strength to renew you psalm 51:10 says...

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

please keep us updated.

Insanity I am just going to try to add you to my yahoo messenger. Not good with teccy stuff but let's see if it works. Hang on in there. Will try to get to you. God bless you.

Hi Insanity. It was nice to talk to you too. So sorry you didn't get any sleep.It must be awful to be too scared to go to sleep on your own. Still praying for you and thinking of you today. Will be around later. God bless you. Safe hugs to you.