Fighting

SPB1987

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How often do you and your spouse fight? How long does it take before you make up?

We do not fight a whole lot but when we do, it usually takes a matter of an hour or two to make up. I do not think we have ever truly went to bed mad at one another. We make it a point to avoid going to bed mad at one another and it generally works out pretty well.
 

dallasapple

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OHH...figthing I remember that ...!Where that coudl be distinguised from the "norm"..LOL!!!Nahh..exactly no fighitng for us...its not even worth it..I mean it would have to be a HUGE and obvious breech for me to expell the kind of energy it would take to "fight" and even then it would most likely be in defense of another..Not myslef..Because its never worth it I'de rather save my emotions for other thngs..other people....its better to "keep quiet" and mind your own business.."avoid confrontation" ...point out cooly and calmly every breech you see that you must speek out loud...

Fighting is for the YOUNG!

Dallas
 
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tannicv2

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How often do you and your spouse fight? How long does it take before you make up?

We do not fight a whole lot but when we do, it usually takes a matter of an hour or two to make up. I do not think we have ever truly went to bed mad at one another. We make it a point to avoid going to bed mad at one another and it generally works out pretty well.

Very little and I don't go to sleep mad and she doesn't either so we hammer out the situation together and leave it at that.
 
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dallasapple

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Nope no "arguing" either..But dont confuse "not arguign " with harmony either .."not fighting and not arguing" does not mean "meeting of the minds"..

I take that back we did "argue" aobut my car recently ..TOTALLY regret it ..I woudl have been MUCH better off not mentioning it and taking care of it myself..Serioulsy not arguing and "fighting" is better..It does NOT however equate to love adoration or cherishing though ..Not fightign or not "arguing" isnt necessarrily a sign things are all well..

Dallas
 
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SPB1987

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Nope no "arguing" either..But dont confuse "not arguign " with harmony either .."not fighting and not arguing" does not mean "meeting of the minds"..

I take that back we did "argue" aobut my car recently ..TOTALLY regret it ..I woudl have been MUCH better off not mentioning it and taking care of it myself..Serioulsy not arguing and "fighting" is better..It does NOT however equate to love adoration or cherishing though ..Not fightign or not "arguing" isnt necessarrily a sign things are all well..

Dallas

I would prefer to argue/fight then work things out over just not doing anything at all. We hate not being harmonious with one another but sometimes a good argument straightens things out.
 
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SearchingStudent

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We've argued more in the last 2 weeks than in the last 10+ years...a cross country move will do that though. We've made up every time within hours. It's hard, we're 2400 miles away from each other, I'm in one state starting a new job and getting set up here, he's at the other end of the country getting our house ready to sell...
 
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dallasapple

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I think my point was not even sure if its relevent though is just because you arent actively arguing or in a "fight" doesnt mean you are getting along or any issue you have is resolved.."not arguing" doesn = there is no issue thats unresolved...its possible you can stop arguing about something never reaching a meeting of the minds..

Dallas
 
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WolfGate

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We'd need to define "fight" before I could answer.

There are a whole slew of ways you handle a difference of opinion that fall between denial and fighting. To borrow from Peacemakers, you can

overlook - if the difference is sufficiently unimportant this may be the best choice.
reconcile - if the difference has been the result of hurt feelings, even unintentionally
negotiate - not to "win" but to lovingly satisfy the needs of both of you

The below would be involved less often in marriage, but are still valid if the difference would be helped by outside assistance from other believers

mediation - help from a pastor, couselor
arbitration - both would agree to let a trusted outside party set a binding resolution (really, really rarely applicable in a marriage disagreement).
accountability - perhaps if the difference is over a long term issue and outside the scripture church leadership would need to intervene and hold the party(ies) accountable per biblical instructions

But in general, when my wife and I have a disagreement, we use some form of the first three.
 
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makeitwork

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in the beginning of our marriage we faught all the time, and i would hold on to it for days, and than when we faught again it would be about the present and the past, because there was a lot of unresolved issues that had no closure, or the past would repeat itself.
WHAT A HOT MESS!
now when we fight it lasts in the moment, it doesn't linger, and i don't go to bed upset but...i would love to have make up sex ;o)
 
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dallasapple

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because there was a lot of unresolved issues

Right unresolved isues =discontent..doest really matter if there is not fighting or arguing or even if you are "resolved" to not argue ..Resolving to not argue and go to bed doesnt mean you go to bed with no issue..or that it left you ..

Im actually a "fighter" I like to hash things out.and by "fight I mean confront or discuss..my husband on the other hand likes to avoid ..Problem is he thinks If I am not "fighting" then Im "happy" with him and it just aint so..He has this way of seeing the "arguing" as the issue..not what it is you are arguing about..Yelling is definately "wrong" to him and will be the focus over a disagreement if I ever do that..

He also is the "wait it out type"..IOW go dead silent..dont discuss it wait long enough and that I "get over it eventually" not so..not with lots of issues unresolved...

Dallas
 
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makeitwork

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dallas my husband does the same thing AVOID the issues.

our fights were ALWAYS about his family how disrespectful they treated me, he refused to stick for me, admit that his family were wrong, and because they were never confronted their actions would repeat over and over again.

i didn't know CHRIST at all, so when i finally gave my life to CHRIST things are changing, slowly but they are changing.
 
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jamrog74

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My wife and I argue on a occasion, maybe once a month at the most. Our arguments only last a few minutes. Then we maybe upset with each other for an hour maybe two. We resolve the issue and get back together. We feel that letting each other know how we feel is important because if we bottle up issues between us it may explode on us one day. Making up has its benefits.
Its important that if you do argue, you do it respectfully. When you argue focus on the issue at hand, don't do any name calling, bring up past arguments and don't let the argument get physical.
 
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BeccaSchwetz

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If ya'll can makeup that same day then it is wonderful. My husband and I fight constantly. Like last night, and I dont believe in divorce but I packed my things and was about to walk out of the door when he stopped me. Everyone fusses but it is when one takes it to far. Just pray, that is all I can do.
 
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Tamara224

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How often do you and your spouse fight? How long does it take before you make up?

Well, we're still newlyweds so I don't know if it counts. We've never really had a fight. We've had a couple of disagreements and some mildly hurt feelings that lasted all of a minute or two, until we could explain misunderstandings.
 
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