Hello, *Please bear with me through this*
I would like to share with you all something that happened to me almost a week ago (on May 18th) but first let me give you a little information about me regarding my faith.
When I was a teenager I didn't give thought to what 'religion' I belong or what denomination.
I was not raised around it, my mom has always struggled with faith and my dad keeps most feelings to himself.
I would lay in bed and get all freaked out thinking about 'what happens when we die?'
It would bother me so much I couldn't sleep. I would stay up all night and finally pass out sometime during the day from exhaustion.
This was a silent struggle, no one ever knew about it.
Once I decided to put a name to 'what I was' I called myself Deist.
I believed in God (rather WANTED, there to be a God) but since I had never felt anything, or seen anything to that was 'a miracle.'
I was still unsure, this went on for some time to where I then decided I was agnostic.
Because I just felt I would never know, but I since it had not been proven or disproved and I WANTED there to be a God I felt agnostic was the best choice over atheist.
I lived my life the way I wanted which was basically staying too messed up to think deeply or rationally.
Anyway after I moved from my home town I met my husband and we had our first kid in 2006.
I changed my lifestyle drastically when I became pregnant with him. No more drugs, no more heavy drinking.
Fast forward to present day, we have been married since and have 2 more kids and a few months ago I found out my moms sister had cancer.
She found out and 4 weeks later died.
This hit me really hard, even though I loved her like crazy she lived over 1000 miles away from me so we were not all that close, but it just blew me away.
I started suffering from bad anxiety and panic and hypochondria. (ALL the stuff I suffered from as a teen)
Now it was even worse cause I have a family and I am older.
So I started feeling compelled to find out what this life was for.
Are we all just awesome works of evolution?
Did God create us, and most importantly to me, is there life after death?
I started to consider myself a Deist again but I began studying and reading and seeking to I got sick and tired of fighting it.
I said-Ok, I will either ACCEPT the bible or I will REJECT it!
I already knew I was not going to reject it so what choice am I left with?
Now here is when my initial post comes into play.
I was sitting in my recliner watching tv as well as looking around on facebook with one of my kids asleep in his playpen, and my other 2 were on each arm of my chair.
Totally normal nothing out of the ordinary when all of a sudden I heard in my head 'I am that I am' it was not a strangers voice, it was like I was thinking to myself I guess you could say.
Well my first reaction was to put that as my facebook status- I was on there already- then I was like, 'Wait, why did I just think that?' I have not read all of the bible and I do not know verses by heart so I went and searched for it and found it in Exodus 3:14. From there I was lead to John 8:58.
I can not explain the feeling that came over me at this moment.
I teared up and was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and comfort.
I kept thinking, God said this in the OT, Jesus said this is the NT.
I know it may seem plain as day to some of you but it was like an eye opener for me and something telling me -You CAN trust this. I told a few ppl about my experience and the said it was the Holy Spirit.
Well, the next day we got a call that my dads sister passed away in her sleep (we are guessing, she was found in bed) The news was shocking nonetheless but it was not until later when I was in bed that I started to wonder about what had happened to me the day before.
Was it a coincidence or was it really the Holy Spirit?
Thank you for taking the time to read this and hopefully respond with your thoughts.
I apologize for how long this is.
I would like to share with you all something that happened to me almost a week ago (on May 18th) but first let me give you a little information about me regarding my faith.
When I was a teenager I didn't give thought to what 'religion' I belong or what denomination.
I was not raised around it, my mom has always struggled with faith and my dad keeps most feelings to himself.
I would lay in bed and get all freaked out thinking about 'what happens when we die?'
It would bother me so much I couldn't sleep. I would stay up all night and finally pass out sometime during the day from exhaustion.
This was a silent struggle, no one ever knew about it.
Once I decided to put a name to 'what I was' I called myself Deist.
I believed in God (rather WANTED, there to be a God) but since I had never felt anything, or seen anything to that was 'a miracle.'
I was still unsure, this went on for some time to where I then decided I was agnostic.
Because I just felt I would never know, but I since it had not been proven or disproved and I WANTED there to be a God I felt agnostic was the best choice over atheist.
I lived my life the way I wanted which was basically staying too messed up to think deeply or rationally.
Anyway after I moved from my home town I met my husband and we had our first kid in 2006.
I changed my lifestyle drastically when I became pregnant with him. No more drugs, no more heavy drinking.
Fast forward to present day, we have been married since and have 2 more kids and a few months ago I found out my moms sister had cancer.
She found out and 4 weeks later died.
This hit me really hard, even though I loved her like crazy she lived over 1000 miles away from me so we were not all that close, but it just blew me away.
I started suffering from bad anxiety and panic and hypochondria. (ALL the stuff I suffered from as a teen)
Now it was even worse cause I have a family and I am older.
So I started feeling compelled to find out what this life was for.
Are we all just awesome works of evolution?
Did God create us, and most importantly to me, is there life after death?
I started to consider myself a Deist again but I began studying and reading and seeking to I got sick and tired of fighting it.
I said-Ok, I will either ACCEPT the bible or I will REJECT it!
I already knew I was not going to reject it so what choice am I left with?
Now here is when my initial post comes into play.
I was sitting in my recliner watching tv as well as looking around on facebook with one of my kids asleep in his playpen, and my other 2 were on each arm of my chair.
Totally normal nothing out of the ordinary when all of a sudden I heard in my head 'I am that I am' it was not a strangers voice, it was like I was thinking to myself I guess you could say.
Well my first reaction was to put that as my facebook status- I was on there already- then I was like, 'Wait, why did I just think that?' I have not read all of the bible and I do not know verses by heart so I went and searched for it and found it in Exodus 3:14. From there I was lead to John 8:58.
I can not explain the feeling that came over me at this moment.
I teared up and was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and comfort.
I kept thinking, God said this in the OT, Jesus said this is the NT.
I know it may seem plain as day to some of you but it was like an eye opener for me and something telling me -You CAN trust this. I told a few ppl about my experience and the said it was the Holy Spirit.
Well, the next day we got a call that my dads sister passed away in her sleep (we are guessing, she was found in bed) The news was shocking nonetheless but it was not until later when I was in bed that I started to wonder about what had happened to me the day before.
Was it a coincidence or was it really the Holy Spirit?
Thank you for taking the time to read this and hopefully respond with your thoughts.
I apologize for how long this is.