R
Romanseight2005
Guest
In Song of Songs it's the woman who speaks most and seems to be the initiator of much of the sex.
John
NZ
Exactly!
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In Song of Songs it's the woman who speaks most and seems to be the initiator of much of the sex.
John
NZ
In Song of Songs it's the woman who speaks most and seems to be the initiator of much of the sex.
John
NZ
But, we STILL haven't gotten to the point where a woman's sex drive *is* accepted.
The sad thing is that, when a pastor speaks like this, people believe him. Wives may think that they shouldn't desire sex as much as they do desire it and may dial back on their initiation, which does a disservice to her and her spouse. Men may think that their sex drive is not to be denied, no matter what, and if "the pastor said so" overrides kindness, then that does a disservice to him and his spouse. To spin it a little further, it can lead to a man becoming of the opinion that because sex is so all important, it's okay to seek it elsewhere if his wife is incapable at any point of providing it (due to illness, childbirth etc.)My pastor spoke a few weeks back on sex, it is the first time he's delivered a message which I have felt so strongly opposed to! To the point I'm still mad about it now, hence me taking it up here to get some further opinions. I'd like very honest, frank answers so thanks in advance for sharing on an intimate subject. Apologies if any similar threads have been made before.
In a nutshell, he made it sound like men are desperate for sex until the day they die and women could take it or leave it. I am single and a virgin but even I know most women want sex probably just as much as men do! So I'd really like to know from married Christians what your experience/views are on men vs. women in the libido department (I've already done some research into this in the secular world but I suppose waiting until marriage could make a difference to things). Do women want it as much? Ever initiate it? Does libido go up and down over time or based on age?
The sad thing is that, when a pastor speaks like this, people believe him. Wives may think that they shouldn't desire sex as much as they do desire it and may dial back on their initiation, which does a disservice to her and her spouse. Men may think that their sex drive is not to be denied, no matter what, and if "the pastor said so" overrides kindness, then that does a disservice to him and his spouse. To spin it a little further, it can lead to a man becoming of the opinion that because sex is so all important, it's okay to seek it elsewhere if his wife is incapable at any point of providing it (due to illness, childbirth etc.)
This is not what marriage should look like.
Marriage should be two people giving their utmost to each other, and working with kindness and love together. It should be two people who knew their expectations for sex when they married, and entered marriage fully aware and willing to meet each other's expectations - whether it's for an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] for her every time they have sex (and why not? He gets one every time!) or for them to have sex every single day (assuming no physical complications). If a man and a woman considering marriage cannot talk this over with their intended spouse, or cannot come to agreement, I would say do NOT get married. Sublimating your sexual desires is HARD. I have learned that over 13 years. Sure, it can be done, and if it's a cross someone has to bear, then that's just how it is, but don't go into marriage knowing that there is this wide gap in sexual desire.
Also, if your pastor talks like a blockhead and walks like a blockhead - find a new church. This man has nothing to teach on marriage.
I agree with him about giving. I don't think it's just h usbands that should be pleasing wives, but also wives pleasing husbands, and in a perfect marriage (i.e. nobody's marriage that I know of) this is how marriage would work out all the time.I may have made him sound worse than he is! His overall message when talking about sex is that it should be about giving, not getting and in his points directed at the men it was very much about love and pleasing your wife rather than how to get. All the points he made individually did make sense, it was just that put altogether the message was that men want and women aren't bothered.
But yes I do think there were some dangers in what he said, and people do take everything he says as fact. I did feel like complaining! I'm not sure if I mentioend what he said about unmarried women in the first post...?
He is spot on once again. Just because two people couldn't relate to it doesn't mean that it isn't applicable to the majority of Christian women. It is and it is good advice.He made one point to unmarried women: If you want to get married but don't want to have sex you're not ready for marriage (because "you're going to have to" basically) WHO falls into that category??? A very small pool of people I imagine (and I'm not saying it's wrong if you do but that's a very rare case), I wouldn't be surprised if no one listening to his sermon could relate to that! Unbelievable! I told a friend of mine this last week and she couldn't believe it either!
Women's Rights in the West (and I'm not directing this at you Jane, or anyone else in particular - it's just a general rant) really gets my goat because there are places where women really don't have rights, where the concept of a woman enjoying sex is entirely laughable, where people really do believe that women don't deserve an education because their purpose is to be a sex toy and housekeeper for their husbands, and where young girls are having their sexual organs mutilated. I'm not saying that the wrongs that are done against women in the West don't count because greater wrongs are being done elsewhere, but I just don't understand Western women saying that they don't have sexual freedom. Really ladies? I mean, really? If you genuinely feel hard-done-by because we in the West don't have the freedom to express ourselves sexually you need to travel a little bit!
He is spot on once again. Just because two people couldn't relate to it doesn't mean that it isn't applicable to the majority of Christian women. It is and it is good advice.
For many Christian men it takes years to educate and train their wives about the woman's responsibility and role in marriage--because of the Satanic influence of modern feminism and other factors, many never succeed.
For those women who want to follow Christ, it is good for them to be under the wise teaching of a pastor like this one and learn this BEFORE they get married.
Hey - way old thread here but a good question.
One said that her drive went up with more good sex and down with less. That is a typical female pattern. Her husband wanted it more the less he got. Typical male pattern.
But everyone is different and the typical patterns are true only of a large percentage of people. A lot of people do not fit the average pattern.
In bible times, the opposite of the OP's question was considered the norm - that women had the higher drives and their satisfaction was more important to God. The pervasive attitude in both testaments' cultures was "Sex was a wife's right and a husband's responsibility." In the 2nd temple period we know the marriage contracts spelled out how much she should expect (based on the husband's line of work) and in many cases it was every day. Surviving court documents show that it happened sometimes the wife would legally force the husband to change jobs so she could have more sex.
So when you read in the bible about not denying your partner, keep this tidbit in the back of your mind.
My pastor spoke a few weeks back on sex, it is the first time he's delivered a message which I have felt so strongly opposed to! To the point I'm still mad about it now, hence me taking it up here to get some further opinions. I'd like very honest, frank answers so thanks in advance for sharing on an intimate subject. Apologies if any similar threads have been made before.
In a nutshell, he made it sound like men are desperate for sex until the day they die and women could take it or leave it. I am single and a virgin but even I know most women want sex probably just as much as men do! So I'd really like to know from married Christians what your experience/views are on men vs. women in the libido department (I've already done some research into this in the secular world but I suppose waiting until marriage could make a difference to things). Do women want it as much? Ever initiate it? Does libido go up and down over time or based on age?