Leadership struggles.

Heart4youth

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Our church is small and the leadership is weak (including the pastor who has never pastored a church before and was just put as pastor in January.) I and the others of us have all had visions of what God wants but all lack the experience and mess up it seems like non stop. I am youngest of all the leaders. Over me are my in-laws they are the youth pastors and my hubby and I are in training to take that ministry over. I don't know what to do. My mother in law is very bi polar and always has one problem or another with the rest of the leadership and is always causing problems and I always end up in the middle of them. This time it is just another stupid church drama. Our church is painting pieces to go on a float for an upcoming parade. They have been having to use our youth room to do it. I have had no problem cleaning up for 15 minutes before Youth group on Sunday and Tuesday but she has taken great offense to this whole thing "Youth means nothing to our church" "our leaders are lazy and ignorant" Now before I continue please know this is a woman who's heart is always in a different place from her actions/words. At least they have been for the past 2 or 3 years. She has changed so much and has little to no impulse control. I my self have only been attending this church since September and have very little relationship built with the pastor yet. I somehow have gotten dragged into the whole mess and people from the float ministry used me as a mediator to see if they could paint in our room today. When I tried to communicate this to her she freaked out and called my father in law and told them that they are not willing to work with us and that the float is more important to them than the youth and on and on.... the thing is I told her they were willing to delay the painting if need be. She just wants to fight about everything. This is really stressful for me when she gets like this so I called the pastor and said hey. This is what's happening and I'm so confused as to how to handle it. She's stressing me out and is now saying she is leaving the church over this issue and it's not a big deal. He replies by pretty much shutting me down and was kind of stern. I don't know how to read him at this point but he seemed angry with me, I don't understand how I'm the one everyone involves in everything and then why the pastor won't just offer me the advise or wisdom or prayer or ANYTHING I went to him seeking! I'm just so confused on how to handle this situation! I ended up asking my pastor if my husband and I could just go ahead and still have youth tonight if my MIL decides to cancel. He abruptly said no! This leaves me so unsure of what to expect. He wants to meet on Thursday but in the mean time I have a ranting and raving MIL and no one to talk to that has more experience than I do. I am not sure where any ones heart is any more at this church??? I just want to serve! Why all the drama over nothing! It's really no big deal!
 

Avniel

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But I would ye should understand, brethren, that the things which happened unto me have fallen out rather unto the furtherance of the gospel; So that my bonds in Christ are manifest in all the palace, and in all other places; And many of the brethren in the Lord, waxing confident by my bonds, are much more bold to speak the word without fear. Some indeed preach Christ even of envy and strife; and some also of good will: The one preach Christ of contention, not sincerely, supposing to add affliction to my bonds: But the other of love, knowing that I am set for the defence of the gospel. What then? notwithstanding, every way, whether in pretence, or in truth, Christ is preached; and I therein do rejoice, yea, and will rejoice. (Philippians 1:12-18 KJV)

I think you should relax don't get caught up in any drama especially when it's not about anything. You should let you mil vent and say "really what did you say what did they say hey I'm going to call you later" or just tell her your getting really stressed.

You said your pastor is new so he is probably as stressed if not more then you. You and your husband should encourage him...tell him how he is doing a good job...or that you really enjoyed the sermon. You and your husband be a tool that God uses to give him the confidence to run a drama free church
 
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Heart4youth

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Thanks for the encouragement! I am very grateful for the scripture. I agree but this is where my inexperience comes in. And I get distracted. I see what is happening and I can't seem to stop it. I do stupid things like call the pastor and involve him in things I probably shouldn't. I look to him to help me fix things I know I should be looking to God to help with. I'm not an impulsive person by nature but boy when I get overwhelmed I get impulsive! I just don't know how to stop making the same mistakes? How many times does God have to tell me? I felt alone in this today and wound up making it bigger than it should have ever been. Bleh. I know where I belong is on my knees with stupid stuff like this. But the deeper part is, My last church she did the same stuff at until she finally got kicked out for constantly causing drama. I didn't want to go to the same church as her because of all this but God really pushed me here. I have a calling on my life and so does my husband. It's the only reason we are here at the same church as her. I'm in panic mode watching everything start to blow up like it did before. I'm just not sure how to react about any of this, while at the same time God is telling me exactly what to do, which is usually more of a what not to do kind of issue. But when it comes to having my MIL involved panic sets in and I react. sorry this is so much just process. Thanks again I'm just going to get into the word and hit my knees and try to let things blow over. I just have this feeling that the pastor is upset and I have to talk to him on Thursday about all of this. I wish I would have never called him. Now I feel like I'm in trouble and I don't like this feeling.
 
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Avniel

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You and your husband are strong then me I was a young boy when I gave mY first sermon and by the time I hit 15 I decided never again. People are crazy and I love my peace, recently my pastor has been kinda pressuring me to become a minister in training I guess....but I won't do it I like my peace to much I can't deal with all that drama.

Not only do I understand you but I respect you and your husband's sacrifice of peace to be in servants.


Your in my prayers.
 
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joey_downunder

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Give it all to God, ask that the pastor makes the right decision and then accept that decision. Does that pastor know about her history?

You and your husband are not responsible for how your MIL reacts or if she gets kicked out of the church again. If she leaves you do NOT have to leave with her. If she rants and raves and expects family loyalty ignore it. It is her condition talking.
 
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Heart4youth

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Thanks! I do appreciate the encouragement so much! I wanted to let you know that I was able to teach about that scripture you gave me last night to our youth. It was just so strong. And last night we only had one teen so I was able to really connect it to her life individually and she was very into it. At the end of my teaching she asked me about baptism and asked me to baptize her! I was so honored! God takes EVERYTHING and turns it for his good and I really grew as a leader because of this verse. I do believe I will always keep this one close to my heart. Thank you so much!
 
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Heart4youth

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Give it all to God, ask that the pastor makes the right decision and then accept that decision. Does that pastor know about her history?

You and your husband are not responsible for how your MIL reacts or if she gets kicked out of the church again. If she leaves you do NOT have to leave with her. If she rants and raves and expects family loyalty ignore it. It is her condition talking.


The pastor does know about her past and her condition. in the short time he's known her he's delt with her quite a bit already. I'm not to concerned about her getting kicked out again, more just how she involves me. She actually keeps posting things against our church on fb and mentioning me in her posts. I'm not too sure how to handle her ever because she lives a block and a half away! LOL! I can't just get away from her. LOL any ways I think I finally was able to hand this over to God fully. Hopefully Satan doesn't stir the pot again (and by that I mean ME letting him) Today she called and ranted and posted several bad things about our church on her wall on fb. I try to just be a listening ear but I always end up just tuning her out because I don't agree and I don't want to hear it. The problem is when she doesn't feel listened to she just gets worse. So I don't know if what I am doing is enabling or diffusing or both... Very confusing! Also I didn't leave my last church when she got kicked out. I ended up just getting called away and it was very hard to answer that call. I feel bad but I often pray that she leaves the church. Her husband LOVES his ministry there so it's so selfish of me to do that but she's just so exhausting! Very good advise VERY good! My husband and I have promised not to get defensive of her or ever carry any of her offenses. I think that will really help us in the long run. Thanks so so much!
 
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paul1149

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Before God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, I solemnly charge you to carry out these commands without prejudice or favoritism of any kind. -1Tim 5:21
It seems to me that the pastor is not willing to deal with substantial relational problems in the church. If he's new, I can understand a certain amount of prudence, but eventually problems need to be addressed, not covered over, or the church will go nowhere.

Posting trash about others on FB is not a good thing. Neither is causing needless division. This is not an ideal situation, and I would suggest you walk circumspectly and keep yourself blameless. Keep yourself in God's peace as you work your way through it, and try to keep it from getting you down. Either things will improve or at some point you might consider a move.
 
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episkopos

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Despite all the drama and unpleasant experiences that this lady is causing for you, it is important to understand first that she is still your leader. See her as someone who has been put in authority by God after all, Paul said
...For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.
Romans 13:1
In his book, Rules of Church Work, Dag Heward-Mills advises us to relate our leaders as we would relate with God himself.
...with good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men:
Ephesians 6:7
This is the first way to handle the situation. Don’t try to solve the problem on your own. You do not have a certain level of experience to understand certain things that happen in the ministry but yours is to remain loyal to the higher authority. Dag Heward-Mills writes in another book, Loyalty and Disloyalty:
Your Loyalty Must Be to the Higher Authority
In a large organization like the church there will always be a number of different authorities you will have to submit to. Obviously, some of them will have a higher rank than others. The lesson here is – if the question of loyalty arises, your loyalty must go to the higher authority.
Who is the higher authority? Obviously, your church has a certain ecclesiastical structure by which you would know who the “higher authority” is. However, if everyone seems to do things that are against the vision of the church and of Christ, yours is to follow Christ as Paul said
Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.
1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV)
Your pastor is definitely finding a lot of things stressful. In fact, it could be for this very reason that he said that you shouldn’t have a youth meeting even though your MIL cancelled it. Disloyalty is a bad nut that would spoil the whole soup. So, while there seems to be seeds of confusion and disloyalty being sown around, yours is to remain loyal to the higher authority. Receiving the call of God is not as pleasant as it seems. John, the Revelator, describes his receiving of revelations as bitter sweet.
…And it was in my mouth sweet as honey: and as soon as I had eaten it, my belly was bitter.
Revelations 10:10 (KJV)
In the book of 1 Samuel, we read the story of David. After he defeated Goliath, David won King Saul’s favour and Saul invited him to the palace. However, Saul had a problem and David was now made into a sort of mediator or pacifier. It had to be frustrating for David because he was young and had done nothing as far as we know to deserve spears being thrown at him. Yet, David remained loyal to King Saul. He knew he was going to take over from Saul but he never even planned a coup to take over the throne though after all, he was anointed king. In fact, there was one time he had the best opportunity he could have to kill the King but he didn’t because he considered Saul as one who was anointed despite the fact that David had seen Saul get possessed by evil spirits and had other bad experiences with him. In the end, David became a very successful king and a man that God described to be after His own heart.
In conclusion, my advice to you is to simply rely on God and follow him. Do not let the things around you affect and cause you to react in ways you would regret. Rather take this as a learning experience, as difficult as it is, and you would receive your reward in due time. Loyalty and Disloyalty among many other leadership books would make things clearer, by Bishop Dag Heward-Mills @ daghewardmillsbooks.org/shop/index.php?productID=78God bless you.

daghewardmills.org
 
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