Do YOU have a crush on anyone? (43)

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Keri

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I've avoided this thread for a while. I'd like to think I'm done with crushes(or having feelings for people in general) for the short term and long term. The idea of allowing myself to fall for someone again is a scary thought. I do have some friends in my daily life that I think are amazing. But I don't think it's a good idea to let it go beyond that. My heart has had all it can handle in the last few years.
 
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Megablue

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I've avoided this thread for a while. I'd like to think I'm done with crushes(or having feelings for people in general) for the short term and long term. The idea of allowing myself to fall for someone again is a scary thought. I do have some friends in my daily life that I think are amazing. But I don't think it's a good idea to let it go beyond that. My heart has had all it can handle in the last few years.

Perhaps a break might be good for you then. I know how that can feel. Sometimes it takes some time to heal. Falling for someone is always scary because you are trusting someone else with your feelings, which opens you up to hurt. If you're not ready for that possibility it can be pretty devastating. I do hope that you start to heal from past experiences and reach the point where you are ready to trust your heart to others again. Most importantly, when you reach that point again, I hope you find the guy who will be worthy of that trust and who will love you as you deserve to be loved.
 
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Keri

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Perhaps a break might be good for you then. I know how that can feel. Sometimes it takes some time to heal. Falling for someone is always scary because you are trusting someone else with your feelings, which opens you up to hurt. If you're not ready for that possibility it can be pretty devastating. I do hope that you start to heal from past experiences and reach the point where you are ready to trust your heart to others again.

I wasn't ready for it this last time, but you really can't help when you fall for someone. And you can't really help who either. But yes. Time. I have nothing but time right now. I just have to avoid getting too close to people for a while. I need to learn to draw lines. Stop feeling. And all that jazz.
 
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Megablue

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I wasn't ready for it this last time, but you really can't help when you fall for someone. And you can't really help who either. But yes. Time. I have nothing but time right now. I just have to avoid getting too close to people for a while. I need to learn to draw lines. Stop feeling. And all that jazz.

Yeah you are right about that. You really can't help the feelings when they come. It's a hard thing to do to draw those lines sometimes, but sometimes it's necessary. Some days will be harder than others, but with a bit of self control, you'll get there. When you are ready to trust your heart to someone else again, you'll know it. I've gone through that myself. Sometimes I thought I'd never reach that point again. It does get better.
 
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Keri

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Yeah you are right about that. You really can't help the feelings when they come. It's a hard thing to do to draw those lines sometimes, but sometimes it's necessary. Some days will be harder than others, but with a bit of self control, you'll get there. When you are ready to trust your heart to someone else again, you'll know it. I've gone through that myself. Sometimes I thought I'd never reach that point again. It does get better.
Though I'm not sure if I want to reach that point again.
I think that's my problem.
 
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Megablue

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Though I'm not sure if I want to reach that point again.
I think that's my problem.

I know what you mean. I've been there too. It does usually pass, but it's not necessarily a bad place to be. Sometimes it helps when you need that break from the drama and hurt that comes with heartbreak.
 
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Keri

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I know what you mean. I've been there too. It does usually pass, but it's not necessarily a bad place to be. Sometimes it helps when you need that break from the drama and hurt that comes with heartbreak.
It's not really drama or hurt. It's just the feeling of being vulnerable.
 
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Blank123

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It's not really drama or hurt. It's just the feeling of being vulnerable.


this quote comes to mind.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." -C.S. Lewis

being vulnerable isn't bad. its just important to be careful who you choose to be vulnerable with in order to guard your own heart. Don't let people in until they've proven they care about you and your heart. This goes for friendships and romantic relationships alike. People will always let you down, but the ones who matter will want to find a way to make things right with you each time.

All that said, I'm not saying "date! date now and date often!" because I think you've been through a lot and you need serious time as a single woman healing in Christ before you're ready to walk through that door again.
 
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Megablue

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this quote comes to mind.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." -C.S. Lewis

being vulnerable isn't bad. its just important to be careful who you choose to be vulnerable with in order to guard your own heart. Don't let people in until they've proven they care about you and your heart. This goes for friendships and romantic relationships alike. People will always let you down, but the ones who matter will want to find a way to make things right with you each time.

All that said, I'm not saying "date! date now and date often!" because I think you've been through a lot and you need serious time as a single woman healing in Christ before you're ready to walk through that door again.

I agree with everything said in here. Take the time you need to heal, surround yourself with friends and family that do love you and care for you and that can be there for you while you are taking this time to heal.
 
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Blank123

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Because of what my parents went through, I'm really scared even to like a guy or think of relationships.
sorry :hug:

use their relationship as a teaching tool. Not to run away from love and relationships, but see how things broke down between them, how they treated eachother, etc... and it becomes a yardstick of sorts on what not to do in a relationship, what pitfalls to avoid, what sort of man to look for, etc...

you're not destined to follow in their footsteps, but you can be wiser for having seen what they've gone through.

To a much lesser extent, I'm sure, I've been watching my parents relationship the last few years and while there are good aspects to it that I want in my own marriage, there are things I want to avoid altogether. Its helping me to see what traps I might be more likely to fall into because of the example set for me, and it helps me to have a fuller picture of what I want my future marriage to look like and figure out now how I might best be able to achieve that.
 
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SnowyMacie

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sorry :hug:

use their relationship as a teaching tool. Not to run away from love and relationships, but see how things broke down between them, how they treated eachother, etc... and it becomes a yardstick of sorts on what not to do in a relationship, what pitfalls to avoid, what sort of man to look for, etc...

you're not destined to follow in their footsteps, but you can be wiser for having seen what they've gone through.

To a much lesser extent, I'm sure, I've been watching my parents relationship the last few years and while there are good aspects to it that I want in my own marriage, there are things I want to avoid altogether. Its helping me to see what traps I might be more likely to fall into because of the example set for me, and it helps me to have a fuller picture of what I want my future marriage to look like and figure out now how I might best be able to achieve that.

This and
Joy, I have no idea how my parents are still together after 28 years. They are very different people and have very little in common. Honestly, I sometimes wonder if they are hiding a divorce from everyone. I see my parents as, mostly, example of what not to do. There are some things that I do think were good, but I come from one of those homes that looks good on the outside, but on the inside it's rather dirty. In other words, my parents have very surface level relationship with each other, in fact, my entire immediate family is this way, and I'm the only one who seems to see it. I consider my grandparents as more of a parental figure.
 
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