to be married or stay single?

Miles

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Basically what Paul said, if you can stay single it's best to. Most divorces are probably the product of people who should have stayed single.

That may be true in some cases, but I think others just marry the wrong kind for them. They give up hope and settle for so-so matches, don't know themselves well enough before committing, or the person they married misleads them.

The following should go without saying, but I've seen evidence to the contrary: Spendthrifts shouldn't marry misers, homosexuals shouldn't marry heterosexuals, and those who don't want to be monogamous shouldn't marry those who do... the list goes on. I think most of the behavior that leads to divorce could be avoided if people stuck with those who are on a similar wavelength. A spouse isn't an accessory, they aren't a car or a fancy handbag, and they shouldn't be used as a sign to others that one is morally or spiritually virtuous. A spouse is a human being. A potentially lifelong partner with whom to share the joys and the struggles of this whacky journey that is life. The way I see it, we should either marry well or not marry at all.
 
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bocannes

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That's pretty much my point. The people who are that way are better off staying single. They're not fit to be married. I know myself that I'm not fit for marriage. I would be terrible at it.

If that were the case, we would not be fit for anything. No person can open their mouth to speak without sinning, at one time or another. Should everyone be silent? Just because a person steals does not mean that they are not "meant" to have possessions. It means that they need to seek God and stop stealing.

God, the ultimate in love and giving, gave us marriage for good. God calls on us to give in this lifetime, too. Marriage and raising children are just about the ultimate demonstrations of love and giving. You are giving your life for your spouse and your children. Those intimate connections are sacred.

But our society makes it all about me and what am I getting?. Is this person right for me? If people would do what is right, they would spend their time giving to their loved ones instead of trying to satisfy selfish desires. I don't think you should just marry anyone but trying to "ensure" that someone is "right" is a product of our selfish natures and far divorced from faith.

Only you know if God has intended you to be single but I think that is the rarest of cases. The divorce rate does not reflect that possibility. It reflects our decline in morals and strength.
 
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leothelioness

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If that were the case, we would not be fit for anything. No person can open their mouth to speak without sinning, at one time or another. Should everyone be silent? Just because a person steals does not mean that they are not "meant" to have possessions. It means that they need to seek God and stop stealing.

God, the ultimate in love and giving, gave us marriage for good. God calls on us to give in this lifetime, too. Marriage and raising children are just about the ultimate demonstrations of love and giving. You are giving your life for your spouse and your children. Those intimate connections are sacred.

But our society makes it all about me and what am I getting?. Is this person right for me? If people would do what is right, they would spend their time giving to their loved ones instead of trying to satisfy selfish desires. I don't think you should just marry anyone but trying to "ensure" that someone is "right" is a product of our selfish natures and far divorced from faith.

Only you know if God has intended you to be single but I think that is the rarest of cases. The divorce rate does not reflect that possibility. It reflects our decline in morals and strength.
I stand by what I said. Some people aren't fit to be married. If you want to take it a step farther, some people aren't fit to be parents, but they have children anyway.

I just have no faith in marriage at this point in my life. I can't think of anything beneficial that it could provide me. Not to mention that no guy would want to get with me anyway, but on the remote chance that should happen, I couldn't see them changing my mind.
 
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JC4Life12

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I agree with leothelioness,

Divorce hurts. It can hurt within and manifest itself in your physical life and in your career

Marriage CAN be great, but can you really depend on another human being to support you unconditionally?


God gave us dominion over the earth and animals... but not control over other people's decisions
 
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bocannes

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leothelioness
That's up to you. Maybe God doesn't plan for you to marry. But I disagree with your conclusion about people "not being meant" to marry.

JC4Life12:
That is exactly the wrong approach. It's not about depending on another person. It's not about you deciding for them. It's about you giving yourself to them (and they to you). Before God gave us the animals, he gave Eve to Adam. Marriage came from the Father, who instituted the first marriage Himself.

---

There is a lot of hurt in life. If you don't ever do anything or care about anyone, you could probably avoid getting hurt but then why bother living at all?

It's silly to discard a gift from God because someone might hurt you.
 
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NoodlesNoodlesNoodles

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does god want us to find someone to marry??? or would he rather we stay single?????

As I've studied 1 Cor 7 fairly extensively as well as Christ's words on marriage in the gospels, I'm more and more seeing that it is a command for all except those with the spiritual gift of celibacy (which is itself not the mere discipline of chastity). That was the viewpoint of some of the reformers like Calvin and Luther (not that they're litmus tests of what is absolute truth, however they defended that point very convincingly using nothing but scripture compared to scripture). The wording and phraseology used in the Bible doesn't easily appear to be the "hey, if you want to get married, go ahead. If not... meh. Whatevs." attitude that we seem to have superimposed upon the text these days.

God's original design for men and women was marriage, his symbol of eternal love between the Father, Son and his bride is marriage. His design for earth post-fall was for people to marry and procreate. It's safe to say that marriage is a very important thing in God's mind.

Does he want us to find someone to marry? Considering that Proverbs 31 was not written in context to women, but rather to young men ostensibly to use as a guide in finding a good woman, I think it's obvious that, yes, we are to find someone to marry unless clearly otherwise commanded. (Also, yes, there are admonitions that can be used by women to determine if a man is good, but in those days it was not really up to the woman who she married in the same way that we practice today).

We are not to wait to be fed. We are not to wait to be clothed. That does not demonstrate Godly faith. We work, we earn, we buy, we eat, we dress... all with faith that God will provide. No different than how the Israelites were told to walk into the water before God parted the Red Sea and not the other way around. Action demonstrates faith. We are to be pursuing marriage unless otherwise restricted by scripture.
 
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anewday

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leothelioness
That's up to you. Maybe God doesn't plan for you to marry. But I disagree with your conclusion about people "not being meant" to marry.

JC4Life12:
That is exactly the wrong approach. It's not about depending on another person. It's not about you deciding for them. It's about you giving yourself to them (and they to you). Before God gave us the animals, he gave Eve to Adam. Marriage came from the Father, who instituted the first marriage Himself.

---

There is a lot of hurt in life. If you don't ever do anything or care about anyone, you could probably avoid getting hurt but then why bother living at all?

It's silly to discard a gift from God because someone might hurt you.

Great points (especially bolded). Many people will have different views on this based on how they grew up, their views on how the Bible talks about marriage, and their own views and experiences. I do get being afraid of getting hurt, especially by a significant other. When you make future plans with someone and it does not work for whatever reason, the pain can be so great that you either want to die or shut down (and yes both has happened in my case). I would LIKE to be married someday, but I don't know if that is in God's plans for me.
 
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Blank123

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Basically what Paul said, if you can stay single it's best to. Most divorces are probably the product of people who should have stayed single.
That's pretty much my point. The people who are that way are better off staying single. They're not fit to be married. I know myself that I'm not fit for marriage. I would be terrible at it.

hm. I dunno if I agree with that. I do think there are people who aren't meant to marry, but I don't think the divorce rate can be blamed on people who aren't fit for marriage and marry anyway.

In a nutshell: we all suck. We're all selfish, self-seeking, self-sabotoging, etc... we hurt others because we love ourselves more than them. Few people really understand or apply the Biblical principles of death to self/self-sacrifice. Or commitment. And this is the kind of attitude is what leads to divorce, and this kind of attitude is pretty much wide-spread within society. So to say that those who harbour those attitudes are unfit for marriage and shouldn't marry... you're basically saying the majority of people alive right now should never marry.

But...good news for Christians - we can do all things through Christ. As long as the couple is seeking Him and seeking and allowing Him to conform them to His image and sanctify them, they have the best chances for a successful relationship. The crux of the issue is the condition of the hearts of both people involved. And God is actually quite good at transforming hearts into what they should be so that the marriage itself can be a happy and healthy one.
 
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bocannes

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God's original design for men and women was marriage, his symbol of eternal love between the Father, Son and his bride is marriage. His design for earth post-fall was for people to marry and procreate. It's safe to say that marriage is a very important thing in God's mind.
...

Yes! It is very important.

Great points (especially bolded). ... I do get being afraid of getting hurt, especially by a significant other. ...

Thank you! Yes, I understand the concern and I am sorry to hear you were hurt like that. I have experienced that kind of pain, too but it doesn't make me give up the fight. Pain will not take away my ability to love a person unconditionally. That is something everyone ought to learn.

Baptism is not the goal for us. It's not a prize and it doesn't make us saved. It is the beginning of a journey. It is our public declaration that we have joined together with our Lord.

Likewise, marriage is not a solution or a prize. It's the beginning of a journey, a great sacrifice... one that honors and pleases God because he put us here for each other.
 
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Blank123

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just putting this out there... I've been listening to the Real Marriage series Mark Driscoll is going through at Mars Hill. And it is amazing. Such a great resource for singles who want to understand what a healthy and Godly marriage looks like.

Every time I listen to one of those sermons i come away thinking, "I want to be that kind of wife!" or "I want that kind of marriage!"

Yes. I'm single, no where near getting married, and I am preparing for marriage. I overthink sometimes :sorry:

but for anyone else who is neurotic about this kind of thing: Real Marriage | Mars Hill Church
 
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leothelioness

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That's up to you. Maybe God doesn't plan for you to marry. But I disagree with your conclusion about people "not being meant" to marry.
Of course you don't. You probably believe that it's a sin not to marry a la Albert Mohler.
 
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fieldmouse3

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I think only you and God can decide whether or not that you should be married. Is there a sincere desire for a spouse in you? If there is, and you keep putting it in God's hands and you're open to Him saying no and it doesn't go away....there's probably a pretty good chance that you're suposed to get married someday. :)
 
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bocannes

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It makes perfect sense to those of us who have been hurt.

I'm taking it you've never experienced that.

I take it you didn't read my response to anewday. If you had, you would know that I have been hurt deeply.

Of course you don't. You probably believe that it's a sin not to marry a la Albert Mohler.

I don't know who that is but the reason for most divorces isn't that people are "not meant to be married".
 
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