My own "personal revelation" before I left Christianity you mean? I was actually trying to work that out.
Yup. It seems to me that by just taking other people's word for what Christianity is all about, they "poisoned the well." Do you think that's possible?
It seems to me you reached a point where your Faith couldn't grow any more. Kinda like a potted plant who's roots need more room ...
However, I just couldn't (and still can't) seem to align the Christian faith (and in particular the Bible) with what I know now with respect to evolution, science, archaeology, history, etc. I've studied a heck of a lot this last year and the picture I'm getting is that there is a lot in the Bible that just isn't true. How am I supposed to maintain faith in the face of this? Ignore all the evidence and pretend God is still the same as I thought he was?
That last sentence there: "out of the mouth of babes."
Really - that IS your answer! "How you thought God was" needs to be replaced with, "who / what other people
told you He is." And now you could be in a more mature position to sort all that out; but drawing hasty conclusions isn't a good idea, and fortunately it's not necessary
Again, apophatic theology: now you know more about what He is NOT. This indeed challenges both (y)our intellect and (y)our Faith, esp wrt your statement "a lot in the Bible that just isn't true." It shouldn't be too difficult for you to be convinced that needs to be changed to "what you formerly thought certain passages
meant, must be incorrect." Many cultures use fables to make their points. OT needs to be looked at that way, and you admit you have a hard time with this.
My .02: you need to sort out the NT first. If / when you need more variety, you admit you never really dug into Psalms. What makes those interesting is what David was doing when he wrote each. Take Psalm 23 for example, and then place that in context with Goliath. Psalm 31, with his armed protection of the city of Keilah, who in turn outed him to Saul. Fascinating stuff, in a profound sort of way. This will tell you FAR more about who G-d is than ... 99% of what's on the net. What about Proverbs? Man, there's some useful stuff in there, and I find it also contains the "keys" to opening up much understanding of the rest of Scripture.
But it's the NT you need to come to terms with. You have me curious about how my understanding of anything might be changed if 2 Peter were never included. Feel free to slice and dice as you see fit, but what's left is all the stuff I've never seen you address
Or accept that the Bible is somehow a flawed book but can still guide us to God?
If I may: it is ONE way we can be drawn to Him. If you insist on using the term "flaws," bear in mind that the biggest limitation is our humanity! Each individual person had to write
something; yes, even Moses. How closely do you think what was first written mirrored their own understanding? There's our first limitation, or flaw. Next you have whatever changes got made to the text, and then translation; but the big thing is still our own preconceptions. And those are fed by what we've been taught!? And you've already come to realize you sat under poor teaching.
That list of "flaws" is enough to throw things out of whack, don't cha think? Hopefully pondering this will give you increased appreciation for Jesus, whose humanity didn't separate Him from the pure Truth of G-d Himself.
Also, and I'm sure you're aware of this from our previous encounters, I just don't see God as good any more. I'm still undecided on whether he's sadistic, but I'm convinced he isn't "good". The Old Testament (and parts of the New) reveal a very capricious, violent God who has little value for human life. I'm not sure, any more, how to relate to such a deity.
I appreciate your honesty here!
Have you ever lost something important, and been afraid you'd never get it back? This happened to me recently; with 2 different very small (but expensive) items. And the real concern wasn't even the cost, but how to go about replacing them? Anyway, yesterday I found one, and just this morning I found the other. And I wasn't even looking for them at the time! After finding this second item, this morning I was immediately reminded of the parable of the lost coin, and that that is how G-d looks at US! (Especially when we are wayward against Him.)
I outright challenge you to read even just one Gospel, preferably John, and to maintain the attitude reflected in your words in that last snip. I don't think you can do it! Of course, that is NOT the proper frame of mind to approach the Bible with, but still, I think you get my idea.
I suppose you could say that Christianity is like a painting; everyone will get something different out of it. Perhaps I'm trying too hard to see the painting as a whole, rather than take whatever meaning I should from it and just be content. I don't really know any more. In fact, the more I learn, the less I do know. All I seem to have are more and more questions.
This is a SURE sign of learning! And I'm going to tell you something you won't like. (A real change of pace, I know
)
You can't just "be done with all this." G-d is moving in your life. He is active,
towards you! Your appropriate response right now, is to use caution. Admit to Him you don't know what to do with all this, or how to relate to Him. Go ahead and tell Him that His people don't have the answers you need. Compare yourself to Peter, who had a revelation from the Father that Jesus is the Christ. Heck, even doubting Thomas got
that! If He is truly no respecter of persons as His Word claims, He's got some 'splainin' ta do ... (Do note, that effort on your part will still be required. I submit it has more to do with your "heart condition" than it does your intellect. I wish "heart condition" were easier to explain, but you could study on the Greek word "nous." The Orthodox teaching on the concept is vast!)