I want to Abstain, my Fiance does not.

Christians have many excuses, to avoid this condition that God has set up for their own good:

• "I know that self-control is important. But is it wrong to prove that we love each other?"
Someone who really loves you will guard and respect you.


• "I know we should break up, but I do not want to break his heart."
Keeping an unbeliever in his sin is more damaging in the long term, than breaking up with him now.

The fact is, someone who does sex casually outside marriage, will bring that habit into the marriage and will be prone to unfaithfulness and affairs.

He is a 'strong Christian' with a inappropriate content addiction who spent years sleeping with his girlfriend? It sounds like he is weak. As humans, we are weak, frail like grass.

You have to abstain from fornication in order to obey the Lord. If you stop having sex with him, you aren't making him view inappropriate content. He can't put that on you. You have to do what is right to glorify God.

Perhaps you can explain to him that when you marry, he will be the leader in the home. You would like him to be a godly leader in spiritual things. I would mean a lot to you if he could take leadership in regard to sexual purity in your relationship, by ensuring that you both abstain from fornication. Ask him to seek the Lord and seek help. He needs to get rid of this problem before you marry. Not just for you, but for his relationship with the Lord. Approach this as an issue that is important for his relationship with the Lord, not just something he does because he loves you. "I'll make it up to you later" is probably not a good line of reasoning for him. If he doesn't get past this before marriage, what happens if he goes away on a business trip for more than a couple of days. Will he 'have to' look at inappropriate content, or worse?

bliz5 said:

If he is unable to control his sexual urges now, why do either of you think he will be able to control them in 8 months? I am not judging him. I am listening to what you say about him. He is laying out his argument to justify extra-marital sex even now. Spare yourself heartbreak and pain and run away from him.

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I disagree with this. Asking him to stop having sex when he has been having it for a long time is difficult because God has blessed him with a healthy sex drive. I am a woman with an incredibly high sex drive. I know once I have sex I'm not going to be able to just go celibate again. This is why I am waiting till marriage when I will not have to stop. God didn't intend for ppl to stop having sex once they start. If you look at what Paul says in the Word he tells husbands and wives to not refrain from sex with each other lest they be tempted. (1 corinthians 7:5) He didn't say "Give your husband a situation where he is tempted and then expect him to resist it" We shouldn't be testing people like that, like is hard enough. We need to do what we can to help each other resist.

To the OP, you need to help your fiance resist temptation and think about what he is going through. To truly support him I recommend getting married now and having the ceremony later. You have repented and God has heard you. You feel He wants you to abstain from sex, But your fiance is to be considered in this. Wouldn't God want you to do the supportive thing here? What's best for both of you guys? It seems guilt is what's driving your desire to go celibate for 8 months, not wisdom. You have repented, God heard you, but He may not want you to take the action you feel you must take. That action may be coming from your upbringing and your knowledge and wisdom, not God. Getting married certainly shows repentence just as much as going celibate!! Living in sin would be the thing that would not show repentance. Get married now and thank God for your husbands high sex drive; it is a blessing God wants you both to enjoy!

bliz5 said:

You are assuming that his sexual urges will be limited to you. He has demonstrated that he thinks his sexual wants trump yours, and God's rules. Run.

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No, he is just an imperfect man in a bad situation who doesn't know what to do. Haven't you ever been in such a situation? He wants to keep having sex, probably would be cool with getting married now, but his fiance wants a big wedding in 8 months. He wants to please her but he's not sure how to work out this situation. He already showed that sex with her is enough by giving up the inappropriate content and masturbation. I think this proves he's a faithful man and from what the OP has said so far he seems like he would make a wonderful husband.

iambren said:

"I brought this up with my FI today, and he told me he just simply cannot stop having sex with me. He says that if he stops having sex, he'll be forced to turn back to inappropriate content. "

I REALLY did not like this reaction in your OP. He is laying his sexual sobriety on YOU! Not a good way to be. With his weakness for inappropriate content, controlling behavior, and non-ownership of his sexual addictions this is all becoming like watching a train wreck in slow motions. Think very hard before committing.

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I think most guys would turn back to inappropriate content and just not tell their fiance that's what they are doing. a lot of ppl touch when not married. It doesn't make someone evil, just imperfect and something they need to overcome. Still, if they have sex it is usually not an issue. If it's still an issue even with sex then it's probably an addiction. This guy just sounds like he has a healthy sex drive.

Don't move up the wedding, etc. Make a pact that abstinence will make the honeymoon just that more special! Congrats on the wedding! Pray (together) about it! God bless both of you!

The first girl I was in a relationship, we had sex more times then I can count. After she left me I realized whoever I was with next I would not do it again like that. Sex is great and all and I could do it every hour of the day (lol) but its much better if you save it, not only because its biblical but it makes the wait pay off. And also it will connect on a whole new level if you wait. Sex is a very bonding experience.

Your fiance to me lacks self-control and in all honesty might not be able to remain faithful to you after marriage if he is already blaming the outcomes of his lack of sex on you.

My fiance didn't want to stay abstinent either. We were sexually active but stopped when I was called to abstinence. He was less than enthusiastic. He pouted and whined and complained a whole lot... but he is still there, willing to wait, because he loves me.

What they say is true; if he loves you, he will wait.