What should I do with this girl now that I have renewed my relation with god?

brohammer26 · Feb 8, 2012

OK so my story...if you guys havnt seen I had a major sexual addiction problem and had fallen into habitual sin for several years. Having promiscious sex and everything. Last week I confessed all my sins and ask jesus to come into my life and help me. Well I noticed an immediate change in my heart and for about 2 weeks now have changed. I know that is not long but I have thrown out all my inappropriate content and plan on keeping it that way. Problem is I meet a girl about 2 months ago who lives in another city and I really like her. I have had sex with this girl. She was going to visit me this weekend but she had to changed her plans due to her job and is going to visit me in two more weeks. I know now that since I want to live in the lord's path that I am suppose to keep sex until marriage. This is going to be very hard for me. I dont ever want to have primiscious type sex again and only with people whom are care for...but I do know I will miss the mark(sin) if i continue a sexual relation with her. I do care for her and like her and is one of the reasons I went to god because she helped changed my heart...as it was the first girl I meet really in my life that seemed to click with.

I want to see here but I know I shouldnt because of our prior relation. Part of me wants to just tell her that we cant see eachother and to start looking for a christian girl for marriage. I am burning with passion and want to get married..not for sex..it is just my time. I am almost 30 and tired of being alone. I dont want to rush into anything with the wrong girl and I diff dont know if this girl is the one. The hardes thing with this christian path is I feel like you can't date as sex is usually a natuarl part of a relationship. I am torn in my head. At least I got 2 weeks to thinnk on it instead of 2 days.

singlewv2011 · Feb 8, 2012

No matter what type of addiction you subscribe to (inappropriate content, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc, etc), one of the biggest steps of recovery is to break off relationship with people that you used to participate in the addiction with. They will drag you back in every time.

Congratulations on your decision for Christ, I will be praying for you.

Inkachu · Feb 8, 2012

You already know you shouldn't be seeing this girl again.

My advice would be to stay single and seek counseling. Sex addiction is traumatic and very, very difficult to overcome. And someone going through it is not a good partner IMHO. You need to go through counseling and recovery BEFORE you start thinking about relationships.

Best wishes.

brohammer26 · Feb 8, 2012

Yes I understand. I do not know for sure if I was a sex addict I just put that label on it because it seemed approiate. I was engageing in a lot of unhealthy relationships and I ask jesus in because I wanted to be healthy again. I feel like I am 16 years old again and believe that love is possible...for so long I lost that and thought that eveyone was only interested in sex, money and what they can get out of you. My soul was black and tarnised.

Glowworm · Feb 9, 2012

Brohammer, I think you need to break off ties with her and focus on your relationship with the Lord. I know it's not easy but all things are possible with Christ.

MrsSeptemberPenguin · Feb 9, 2012

Ok, everyone is telling you to end things with her. And I can see their point, but at the same time I have a different one. You said in your original post that she was the reason you went back to God, and that she has encouraged you in that way as well. Is it possible you could both commit to not being sexually active and support each other in that? Only you can really know if she will help you now or hinder you, but I don't necessarily think cutting all contact is necessary if she's willing to commit to support you in your current decision.

redblue22 · Feb 9, 2012

I really have no idea what to tell you. What are the options? Toss her overboard or tell her about your new faith and hope she goes along? that's about it, right? Of course there is pretend to do the right thing but not really do it option too. Very popular, but not terribly smart.

Im_A · Feb 9, 2012

brohammer26 said:
OK so my story...if you guys havnt seen I had a major sexual addiction problem and had fallen into habitual sin for several years. Having promiscious sex and everything. Last week I confessed all my sins and ask jesus to come into my life and help me. Well I noticed an immediate change in my heart and for about 2 weeks now have changed. I know that is not long but I have thrown out all my inappropriate content and plan on keeping it that way. Problem is I meet a girl about 2 months ago who lives in another city and I really like her. I have had sex with this girl. She was going to visit me this weekend but she had to changed her plans due to her job and is going to visit me in two more weeks. I know now that since I want to live in the lord's path that I am suppose to keep sex until marriage. This is going to be very hard for me. I dont ever want to have primiscious type sex again and only with people whom are care for...but I do know I will miss the mark(sin) if i continue a sexual relation with her. I do care for her and like her and is one of the reasons I went to god because she helped changed my heart...as it was the first girl I meet really in my life that seemed to click with.

I want to see here but I know I shouldnt because of our prior relation. Part of me wants to just tell her that we cant see eachother and to start looking for a christian girl for marriage. I am burning with passion and want to get married..not for sex..it is just my time. I am almost 30 and tired of being alone. I dont want to rush into anything with the wrong girl and I diff dont know if this girl is the one. The hardes thing with this christian path is I feel like you can't date as sex is usually a natuarl part of a relationship. I am torn in my head. At least I got 2 weeks to thinnk on it instead of 2 days.

First off...were you clinically diagnosed as a nymphomaniac...or are you just being too introspective over a past that you were very sexually active?

The rest I think all I can say is:
A man with integrity doesn't give up something with a woman because of a change of views. The couple makes adjustment for a more compatible relationship when/if that times comes. Bailing out? I am sure you can find other reasons than you found god.

I don't know what to say to you working out your issues with sex...but really who is it to work out that for you? You and yourself alone.

Let's face it...you will find yourself in a never ending spiral. You kick her to the curb because you found god and you know what has a high chance of happening? You will find a Christian girl...to deal with this same issue. What then? A re-commitment to your faith to where you find yourself at the same point? New and improved and need something better? Where is the end at?

You can actually...be a good man, a man of integrity, maintain your own views that you have come to, stand by your woman that you say you like and care for. By giving it a shot, being good to her by standing by her, you will be able to see if your change is compatible for the relationship. Instead of working with theory, work with practice. If your change of views and life make it incompatible...then you actually have a reason to break up.

If you are a clinically diagnosed nymphomaniac...go talk to a doctor about this.

Nanopants · Feb 9, 2012

brohammer26 said:
OK so my story...if you guys havnt seen I had a major sexual addiction problem and had fallen into habitual sin for several years. Having promiscious sex and everything. Last week I confessed all my sins and ask jesus to come into my life and help me. Well I noticed an immediate change in my heart and for about 2 weeks now have changed. I know that is not long but I have thrown out all my inappropriate content and plan on keeping it that way. Problem is I meet a girl about 2 months ago who lives in another city and I really like her. I have had sex with this girl. She was going to visit me this weekend but she had to changed her plans due to her job and is going to visit me in two more weeks. I know now that since I want to live in the lord's path that I am suppose to keep sex until marriage. This is going to be very hard for me. I dont ever want to have primiscious type sex again and only with people whom are care for...but I do know I will miss the mark(sin) if i continue a sexual relation with her. I do care for her and like her and is one of the reasons I went to god because she helped changed my heart...as it was the first girl I meet really in my life that seemed to click with.

I want to see here but I know I shouldnt because of our prior relation. Part of me wants to just tell her that we cant see eachother and to start looking for a christian girl for marriage. I am burning with passion and want to get married..not for sex..it is just my time. I am almost 30 and tired of being alone. I dont want to rush into anything with the wrong girl and I diff dont know if this girl is the one. The hardes thing with this christian path is I feel like you can't date as sex is usually a natuarl part of a relationship. I am torn in my head. At least I got 2 weeks to thinnk on it instead of 2 days.

If you lack self control then you're following after your desires, not the Lord. I would suggest that you back off until you regain control over yourself and you can see the situation more clearly.

brohammer26 · Feb 10, 2012

No have not been diagnosed with anything and I probably should have not said that. I was just living a lot of sexual sin in the past. I have not know this girl long. I dont want to kick her to the curb and it will be difficult to bring this up with her. But I appreciate all of the responses and have some time to think. The reason I say I went back to god because of her is because she helped change my heart and made me realize there are deceant people out there..I have had horrible chain of bad realtionships with cold hearted people and had become a pessismist. I dont knowif she even believes in god, she is just a good person.

SplendidTree · Feb 10, 2012

Do your best to be obedient and seek God and the rest will follow. He will show you what to do.

Praying.

Jupiter Drops · Feb 10, 2012

Sex doesn't have to be included in dating. In fact, it shouldn't even be there.

I know some people who are over thirty and are still not married. Some of them are just waiting for the one. Others because they have some issues, but that's another story...

You said it yourself- you don't know if this is the right girl. Well, she's not yours today, so don't even bother going after her right now. All I could say is focus on rebuilding your relationship with Jesus. God will give you what you need in time, so don't worry about it, and don't march off hastily into something you shouldn't.

Talk to the girl about you wanting to be closer to God. Talk to her about how you feel. You can do it! You can be closer to God! And maybe she might understand. If she doesn't, well, it doesn't matter anyhow. God will bring you to someone one day. You might not know who she is today, but one day, you'll see her in her pretty white dress, and you might even think, 'Wow, that's the girl! She's the one! God did bring us together.'

Just pray to God about your desires. After all, God did design us to be married, so you bringing yourself up to Him might even please Him. You're trying to do what the Lord wants, and that pleases Him. So just keep on trying, and pray about your future spouse.

nhisname · Feb 10, 2012

brohammer26 said:
OK so my story...if you guys havnt seen I had a major sexual addiction problem and had fallen into habitual sin for several years. Having promiscious sex and everything. Last week I confessed all my sins and ask jesus to come into my life and help me. Well I noticed an immediate change in my heart and for about 2 weeks now have changed. I know that is not long but I have thrown out all my inappropriate content and plan on keeping it that way. Problem is I meet a girl about 2 months ago who lives in another city and I really like her. I have had sex with this girl. She was going to visit me this weekend but she had to changed her plans due to her job and is going to visit me in two more weeks. I know now that since I want to live in the lord's path that I am suppose to keep sex until marriage. This is going to be very hard for me. I dont ever want to have primiscious type sex again and only with people whom are care for...but I do know I will miss the mark(sin) if i continue a sexual relation with her. I do care for her and like her and is one of the reasons I went to god because she helped changed my heart...as it was the first girl I meet really in my life that seemed to click with.

I want to see here but I know I shouldnt because of our prior relation. Part of me wants to just tell her that we cant see eachother and to start looking for a christian girl for marriage. I am burning with passion and want to get married..not for sex..it is just my time. I am almost 30 and tired of being alone. I dont want to rush into anything with the wrong girl and I diff dont know if this girl is the one. The hardes thing with this christian path is I feel like you can't date as sex is usually a natuarl part of a relationship. I am torn in my head. At least I got 2 weeks to thinnk on it instead of 2 days.

Just tell her the truth. If she is for you she will understand and stay if not she'll leave. The apostle Paul tells us not to be unevenly yoked. You need to find and get with people who put God first in everything. Dating does not include sex. That is a worldly misconception. Sex is very special and saved for marriage. You really need to get in a good Bible study group and you will start to grow in your relationship with the Lord and everything will make perfect sense to you. Peace to you Brother.

nhisname · Feb 10, 2012

brohammer26 said:
No have not been diagnosed with anything and I probably should have not said that. I was just living a lot of sexual sin in the past. I have not know this girl long. I dont want to kick her to the curb and it will be difficult to bring this up with her. But I appreciate all of the responses and have some time to think. The reason I say I went back to god because of her is because she helped change my heart and made me realize there are deceant people out there..I have had horrible chain of bad realtionships with cold hearted people and had become a pessismist. I dont knowif she even believes in god, she is just a good person.

Why don't you ask her?

brohammer26 · Feb 11, 2012

Yes I am thinking about it. I think the hardest thing for me is that I have been living in the wordly mindset for so long it is hard adjusting. I have abstained from everything since I asked jesus in, but it is still difficult in thought. I just imagine it would be strange for her after seeing for awhile that all a sudden I tell her I cant have sex anymore because of religion..she probably would think I have found someone else. I will think about it, it might be best to end it. It would be much easier to do this if I meet someone and we never had sex..than such a drastic change just after meeting.

nhisname · Feb 13, 2012

brohammer26 said:
Yes I am thinking about it. I think the hardest thing for me is that I have been living in the wordly mindset for so long it is hard adjusting. I have abstained from everything since I asked jesus in, but it is still difficult in thought. I just imagine it would be strange for her after seeing for awhile that all a sudden I tell her I cant have sex anymore because of religion..she probably would think I have found someone else. I will think about it, it might be best to end it. It would be much easier to do this if I meet someone and we never had sex..than such a drastic change just after meeting.

Living the Christian Life is hard especially when you have all the sinful ideas thrown in your face at every turn through T.V., magazines etc.. That's why you need to be with other Christians for the support and encouragement so you can grow. I'm glad you are on here. Believe me when I say we all fight temptation. When the Lord walked the earth he was tempted in everything we are and he was victorious by sheilding himself in God's word. Satan will find your weakness and chip away at it until you are exposed. That's why you have to be strong in the Lord and wear his armor (His Word). Pray and keep renewing you mind, that's where sin always begins, with a thought. Pray and give this matter with your girlfriend to the Lord. You've got a friend now who understands and wants the best for you. Trust him.

Boondock_Saint · Feb 13, 2012

brohammer26 said:
OK so my story...if you guys havnt seen I had a major sexual addiction problem and had fallen into habitual sin for several years. Having promiscious sex and everything. Last week I confessed all my sins and ask jesus to come into my life and help me. Well I noticed an immediate change in my heart and for about 2 weeks now have changed. I know that is not long but I have thrown out all my inappropriate content and plan on keeping it that way. Problem is I meet a girl about 2 months ago who lives in another city and I really like her. I have had sex with this girl. She was going to visit me this weekend but she had to changed her plans due to her job and is going to visit me in two more weeks. I know now that since I want to live in the lord's path that I am suppose to keep sex until marriage. This is going to be very hard for me. I dont ever want to have primiscious type sex again and only with people whom are care for...but I do know I will miss the mark(sin) if i continue a sexual relation with her. I do care for her and like her and is one of the reasons I went to god because she helped changed my heart...as it was the first girl I meet really in my life that seemed to click with.

I want to see here but I know I shouldnt because of our prior relation. Part of me wants to just tell her that we cant see eachother and to start looking for a christian girl for marriage. I am burning with passion and want to get married..not for sex..it is just my time. I am almost 30 and tired of being alone. I dont want to rush into anything with the wrong girl and I diff dont know if this girl is the one. The hardes thing with this christian path is I feel like you can't date as sex is usually a natuarl part of a relationship. I am torn in my head. At least I got 2 weeks to thinnk on it instead of 2 days.

Billy Joel once said,
"Tell her about it"
But I think it would be wise to fill her in on the details since things have changed. I think she would be able to respect that.

Good luck. It ain't easy.

Criada · Feb 14, 2012

Mod Hat On

This thread has been cleaned of a few off topic posts.
Stick to supporting the OP, please, folks.
Thanks

Mod Hat Off

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